How Facebook Secretly Ends Your Relationships

How Facebook Secretly Ends Your Relationships

When you "friend" somebody on Facebook, you'll be able to see their posts on your News Feed forever, right?

When you post a Status update on Facebook, all your friends see it on their News Feeds, as long as they haven't opted to "Hide" your posts, right?

It's possible to know who's seeing your status updates, right?

Wrong, wrong and wrong!

Based on extensive but unscientific polling of my own "social graph," I've discovered a massive disconnect between what people believe happens on Facebook and what actually happens.

People think "friending" somebody enables them to maintain a social connection via the News Feed. When a friend gets a promotion, tells about their vacation or just expresses disappointment in the Oscar nominations, I'll see it in my News Feed. And they'll see my own posts. "Friending" someone means I see their posts and they see mine. That's what people believe.

And they're wrong.

The truth is that Facebook recently started using secret criteria to decide whether or not you'll maintain this News Feed relationship. If Facebook's software doesn't like your relationship, Facebook stops delivering News Feed messages without telling you.

Those criteria probably involve the frequency with which you message, chat, post, comment or interact with each friend.

Imagine if the Post Office did that! "The once-a-year holiday card means you're really not that close, so we'll just burn the cards without delivering them – and without telling anyone."


Imagine if Gmail did that! "Since you hardly ever get e-mail from your mother, we're going to dump any future messages from Mom in the spam folder without telling you."


Imagine if Firefox did that! "You never post comments in the blog you're visiting, so we're going to return an error message saying the web site is no longer in service."

The Good

In fairness, Facebook "edits" your News Feed to improve the user experience. If you have hundreds of friends and never chose to "Hide" any of them on your News Feed -- and if Facebook didn't block any of the messages -- you probably wouldn't like your News Feed very much. You might be overwhelmed by both the quantity and the irrelevance of the messages pouring in.

Facebook has no doubt learned that the general public (and when you have nearly 600 million users, you are in fact dealing with the most general of publics) is more likely to stop using Facebook than endure the suffering of a News Feed that functions as a fire hose of relationship spam.


Most people don't care enough to learn about the settings, or change them.


For the minority that does care, there's an "Edit Options" link at the bottom of your News Feed. By clicking on it, you get a dialog box that lets you see posts from "All of your friends and pages" OR "friends and pages you interact with most," which is the default setting that uses Facebook's algorithms to Hide some of your friends' posts from you. You're also presented with a complete list of friends, with the option to hide or un-hide each friend manually.


Because Facebook's policy is about improving the user experience, there is no connection between who you Hide and who Hides you. And you have no control over or knowledge about who is blocking your posts – whether it's your friends or Facebook.


If Facebook's algorithms are preventing your Status updates from reaching some of your friends, well, there's nothing you can do about that. If a friend posts on your Wall, that may or may not trigger Facebook to un-Hide your updates from that friends' wall. But there's nothing you, personally, can do.


Still, Facebook deserves credit for trying to solve the problem of social information overload in a way that requires no skill or initiative on the part of the user.


It's a hard problem to solve, and Facebook's solution isn't perfect. And it's probably better than doing nothing and simply allowing people to hate Facebook.

The Bad

What's bad about Facebook's approach is that it leaves users in the dark.

Most users don't know any of this is happening. And if they do know it's happening, they don't know how to fix it. And if they do know how to fix it, than cannot know the criteria Facebook uses to block their own updates, nor can they ever know who is seeing their posts.


It's also unknown whether Facebook "grades on a curve." In other words, it's possible that the more "friends" you have, the more aggressively Facebook cuts the connects between News Feeds, based on the belief that you should only have a certain number of friends.


There's no way to know. All of their criteria are secret.


The problem is that Facebook users "friend" people at minimum in order to see each other's Status updates. That Facebook quietly severs these connections without telling users is an unhappy surprise to most people I've revealed this to.



Users think they're connected to people to people via News Feeds when in fact Facebook has already cut that connection.


Many users believe the ability to maintain casual friendships via the News Feed is the main benefit of Facebook.
And it's true: We don't need Facebook to maintain relationships with our closest friends and family. What Facebook is really good at is maintaining not-so-close relationships via the News Feed -- or, at least it used to be before Facebook started ending those relationships.

The Ugly

The ugly reality is that, although Facebook might claim to be responding to your social activity, they are changing it.


Facebook actually shapes and directs the evolution of your social life without telling you.


Let me give you one hypothetical example. Let's say you "friend" an old high school buddy. After making initial contact -- "what have you been up to, where are you living now," etc. -- you simply "stay in touch" with each other via your News Feeds. You're connected but distant. Everybody's happy.


If Facebook never cut that connection, something might happen that would change your relationship. What if you discovered via the News Feed that the person shared a hobby or interest, or that they moved into your neighborhood or had a child start attending the same school as your own kid.


Suddenly, that distant friend might start evolving into a close one. Facebook users often get closer to a small number of previously distant friends by learning of shared interests via the News Feed. That used to be one of the great things about Facebook.



But because Facebook has already decided your friendship isn't relevant, you'll never hear about the changing circumstances. You'll never know about the new hobby, the move, the school or whatever. You'll not only remain distant, but grow increasingly distant due to the Facebook-imposed radio silence.


Facebook's algorithm-enforced policy is to bring you closer to the friends you're already close to, and push you away from the friends you're less close to.


Is that why we signed up for Facebook?
Nearly three years ago, I wrote a column in this space that analyzed the value of social networks like Facebook. The main purpose of Facebook, I concluded, is not that it makes relationships better, but that it enables you to maintain a larger number of relationships.


I pointed out that expanding the number of relationships is an innate human need, and that this need draws people to Facebook.


The News Feed concept is central to this idea. Most Facebook relationships take place exclusively via the News Feed. This is how you can maintain 1,000 relationships. You just watch your News Feed. When someone has a sandwich or an idea or a baby, you hear about it and feel connected to their lives.


This is what is so shocking about Facebook's new policy: It kills the main benefit of Facebook for most users.

What Facebook Should Do

Here's what Facebook should do to make it right:


1. Explicitly reveal to each user who is seeing your updates and who isn't.


2. Occasionally tell people exactly what's going on, that Facebook algorithms automatically sever their connections to some people. Don't just make this knowledge passively available. The goal should be for most Facebook users to actually know this information.


3. Give the user the option to maintain a connection that is about to be cut by the algorithms. Or, at minimum, simply inform the user you have decided to Hide one of their friends.


4. Make it far more obvious to users that they can "Hide" friends from appearing in their news feeds. Favor user choice over software algorithms to determine which items get delivered into News Feeds.


We don't pay for Facebook, and therefore users are not customers. Advertisers are customers.


But Facebook is much more than an online service. Its ubiquity has motivated people to replace other forms of communication, and rely instead on Facebook.


Facebook has a responsibility then to enable users to control who they maintain a relationship with.


Facebook assumes we want their software to terminate our most casual relationships without bothering us with the news or giving us the option to keep them.


Facebook is wrong, and this needs to stop.

MARRIAGE & FACEBOOK?

A Little FACEBOOK Love Never Hurt Nobody!

Although officially Facebook is not an online dating site, many consider it to be one in disguise. Thousands of people looking for romance click on other's profiles to see if they're cute, or if they have similar interests that might spark a relationship. As one senior wrote, "Before, the point when a relationship went from casual to serious was meeting the parents. Now it's announcing your relationship on your Facebook profile." Another senior writes that that the most painful part of a breakup is when you click on your ex's profile and see that he/she has changed their entry in the Relationship status to "single".

I can hear lots of you saying, "So? What's wrong with that?"

The answer is, plenty. And although even I think that it's way too late to put the Facebook dating genie back in the bottle, there are some things to think about that should make you go hmm when you consider developing a serious relationship via Facebook.

Most people decide that someone on Facebook interests them because of their profile. What exactly does the Facebook profile tell you? Well, it tells you the person's university, their major, their age, their hobbies and interests, favorite movie, books, music, etc. And lots of people think that common profile elements are a strong reason to begin cultivating a relationship.

Hmm.

That means that, when you go out with your Facebook date, you feel as though you already know them. You have lots to talk about, because you have common interests. The relationship develops more and more and you become deeply involved, to the point where you begin to think you might actually have found your real, true soul mate.

Just one problem: You don't know very much about this person.

You know that you have common interests, hobbies, likes and dislikes. But a deep, lifelong relationship cannot be based on the fact that you both love Fall Out Boy, your favorite novel is The Firm and you've both seen The Titanic 15 times. It's not enough to know that you both enjoy foosball and love mango flavored ice cream. There are other, deeper and far more fundamental issues that you need to explore before you can make any kind of long-term decisions.

Hmm.

So how do you figure out if the person you're dating is really the right one for you? It's actually somewhat easier than you think. There are four deal-breakers, four non-negotiable factors in finding your soul mate. If you can find someone with all four, it's highly likely that you've found your life partner, with whom you can build a relationship that will last. And no, these four do not appear anywhere on Facebook.

Look for someone who:

1)   Has a Higher Commitment
Before you decide to marry someone, make sure that they are fully committed to some kind of objective moral and ethical standard. Whether we realize it or not, everyone has some kind of core value that is central to their personality. And when push comes to shove, that value is going to be the most important thing in the world to that person.

Let's take a couple named Jeff and Mindy, who connected through Facebook and are seriously considering becoming engaged. Jeff's core value is adventure, and he'll do almost anything for a thrill. When he and Mindy start dating he happens to be volunteering in the local ER four times a week. Mindy really admires this and thinks that Jeff is amazing. Well, Mindy, he might be amazing, but he's in the ER because he loves adventure. His adventurous streak happens to be expressing itself in a kind way - but what if that changes all of the sudden? He might begin to do things for adventure that Mindy thinks are wrong, or even immoral. Then what's she going to do?

That's why finding out the other person's core value is so important.

So, how do you figure it out? It's pretty simple. No matter what a person's core value is, you'll see him or her constantly sacrificing for it. So if Jeff's core value is adventure, he might risk an accident in order to speed through an intersection, or come late to work because he was following a police chase. By following him closely, Mindy will see that Jeff places adventure above other things on his list of priorities.

But if Jeff's core value is goodness, is helping others, then Mindy will see him sacrifice for that. He'll come late to work because he helped an old lady home with her groceries; he'll let the other guy cross the intersection first even though it was his turn.

So the first deal-breaker is to make sure that the person you're thinking of marrying is deeply committed to a higher set of values that you appreciate.

2)   Treats Others Courteously
You obviously want to marry someone who is going to treat you well. But how can you tell? This is even easier than #1. When you're with this person, pay attention to how they treat other people whom they're not trying to charm. Do they say thank you to people like gas station attendants and bank tellers? Are they courteous to waiters and ushers? Or do they let the parking attendant have it for taking a bit too long to bring the car? Do they drive aggressively, as though they own the road? Ask yourself these questions and similar ones, and take note of the answers - because these characteristics are going to come out down the line. They show the real persona - the one you'll discover after you're married.

3)   Has Good Communication Skills
In other words, communication skills (something difficult to appreciate over the Internet!). Make sure that you are both on the same wavelength, so that you don't enter a relationship that is replete with frequent disagreements that later turn out to be misunderstandings. You don't need that headache. Although minor misunderstandings can always occur, check to make sure that they are relatively infrequent - because after marriage, arguments can absolutely ruin the atmosphere in the house.

4) Is Attractive to You
Physical attraction is the one, essential aspect of marriage that you might think Facebook portrays accurately. Think again. People are not always the same in real life as they are in the photos on their page. While sometimes the person may be much better looking in life than in a still, many times it works the opposite way. If this happens, and you find yourself disappointed in your date's physical appearance, don't make any premature decisions. Often, as a relationship develops, the person's looks may "grow" on you, and you will find them very attractive. This is especially true when the relationship is based on these four factors.

So as you're clicking around, keep these four deal breakers in mind. They are the key to finding and building a beautiful, warm loving relationship that will outlast any interest or hobby -even Fall Out Boy -and even Facebook.

SHOULD WE ELECT PRESIDENT OBAMA FOR ANOTHER 4 YEARS?

SHOULD WE ELECT PRESIDENT OBAMA FOR ANOTHER 4 YEARS?

Whilly Bermudez-  Host / Commentator 

As I signed on to my computer yesterday I see that America Online asked a question that I had been speaking about for some time. Does President Obama deserve a second term?  Has he done enough to earn the respect and win the hearts of the American People?  Before arriving at an answer lets elaborate some.

My opinion of President Barack Obama may surprise you a little bit. I am by all accounts, much more conservative than all of my peers. I’ve been a Reagan Republican for as long as I have known myself. I am against the Liberal way of life and it should not shock you that I DID NOT vote to elect Obama in 2008. However, I consider myself an intelligent person and an Independent thinker. I do my own research and formulate my own opinions. I don’t believe that any form of extremism is good for the conversation. Regardless if it’s from the Right or the Left.    

Whether on Facebook, Chain emails, or in real life, I often hear people say that Obama is a Socialist, a Marxist, a Communist, a Double Agent placed in the Presidency to bring down our country, and a few other conspiracy theories. In fact, seeing these posts so often gets rather annoying. People that feel so strongly about politics should run for office instead of watching and yelling from the side lines. I’m no fan of Obama but let’s not feed the hate monster for our own agenda.  

I do believe that racism is alive and well and its not going away anytime soon. Most people didn’t want Obama because he historically does not fit the bill from all of our past Presidents. Let’s just say it:  A black President is much more than our racially charged inner prejudices (that we all have) were prepared to endure. However, he won anyway. He came at an opportune moment when all of our problems were being blamed on George W. Bush and Republicans. He stepped in with a message of Change and Hope. His campaign strategists found a way to connect with voters and young people everywhere. They breathed political life into Myspace, Facebook, and Twitter. –Even Mobile Texting digital campaigning. John McCain was too old, came off as a bully, and could not ignite people’s passion.  So the end result, The unlikely victory of Barack Obama became a reality.

Those of us that did not vote for Obama had no choice but to sit back and hope for the best and hope for midterm elections to optimistically start turning the tide. I believe that we’ve given him an opportunity to prove himself as the ultimate leader of the free world. I believe that as American Citizens and entitled critics we have given him a chance. His decision making or that of his cabinet advisors have made a lot of bad decisions: Spending money that we don’t have is a negative that we learn in grade school, Pushing a Health Care Plan through with no regard to the hard details that can add further to our undoing, failing to connect with the American People by demonstrating more of an eagerness to appease other nations, and even employing various people to higher office that can be considered questionable or unfit for those posts. The list doesn’t stop here and the rebuttal from loyal and patient fans is that he simply hasn’t had enough time to do a job that we can consider significant to the needs of our nation.

To loyalists from the left I ask a simple question: How much more time should we give a President to become our savior?  Yes, Obama came into to the presidency in the midst of a financial meltdown. Yes, Obama gets blamed for the approval of the TARP funds-which Bush authorized. Yes, going to war with Iraq set off the chain reaction-financing a war is insanely expensive. However, it’s not as simple as blaming Republicans. You think it was easy for Bush, barely into his presidency to be faced with the attacks on 9/11? Why doesn’t anyone mention that most of the Wall Street de-regulation and policies can be attributed to Bill Clinton’s era? This has been part of President Obama’s dilemma; he and his inner core have spent too much time blaming Bush for all of our problems.

The blame game should have been over when our country reached sky high unemployment rates. The blame game should have been over when millions of us lost our homes to foreclosure. The blame game should have been over and that energy should have been directed to help feed the fuel of our economy- small businesses everywhere.

Did Obama have it easy coming in? No. But why should the United States Presidency be an easy post? We need a leader that can rise up to any challenge and stare adversity in the face. We need a leader that can make us feel safe from all potential threats that may arise. We need a leader that makes his objective to connect with all people-regardless of our party affiliation.

The recent midterm elections echoed what the nation is feeling and what we expect. The lightning rod that gave birth to the Tea Party Movement was President Obama. In fact, I watched his presidential press conference about those elections and I paid careful attention to his words and his body language. I saw a defeated man, someone that was overwhelmed by his duties. I saw a man with no answers, I saw fear and doubt. This confirmed what I had always stated. I knew with certainty now that this was a man that bit off more than he can chew. The junior senator from Illinois had found a way to win a job that he could not handle. He is not an evil man, he is not a tyrant, I believe that he genuinely wants to help our country. He didn’t have the experience to become President and today it shows. The American presidency should not open itself to “on the job training”.  However articulate he can sometimes be at speaking he does not have the Presidential timber of those before him.

With all his faults, George W. Bush made me feel safe when he spoke to the people. I believed he always said what he thought without hesitation. I think he was courageous and bold. As he recently said himself, “History will have its say on my Presidency”. I think that the contribution of Barack Obama to history will be opening the possibility of the Presidency to minorities. Because of Barack Obama there will one day be a woman President and a Hispanic President as well. I think that will be his legacy.         

                   

I turned to social media last night and asked Facebook friends the simple question: “Does President Obama deserve a second term? About 30 people responded “NO” and only one person replied “YES”. Many of the people that voted for Obama will not admit it today-in regret. He has lost much support from his Democrat and liberal base. Conclusion, I do not think that President Barack Obama is fit to lead our nation and should not be considered for a second term.   

The problems of the United States of America are a direct result of Republicans, Democrats, and us-the voters. We always have a say in who we elect to public office. The party bickering and constant contests to see who has a bigger **** is counterproductive to the American People and our way of life.  Together, were always either going to sink or were going to swim.

God Bless You & America,

Whilly Bermudez 

DOES NOT HAVING A LIFE MEAN THAT YOU NEED AN IMAGINARY ONE ON FACEBOOK?

YOUR IMAGINARY LIFE . . . 
ON FACEBOOK & MORE.

Rosie Q - Host / Commentator 

Ahhh Facebook, the site/place where anyone can be someone imaginary! What some may consider the best social media site ever created.  No matter what you think of it, you have to give Mark Zuckerberg credit.  He created a site where you could poke your friends from miles and miles away, while posting pictures of yourself 20 pounds less than what you really are now.  You can create a profile that reflects more that of your successful cousin than that of yours, while constantly posting and advising friends of the fabulous places and people you are supposedly "hanging" with.

Facebook is a very powerful tool, more than one could ever imagine.  It gives you the power to make others believe anything you may possibly want them to believe and to BE who you want to be.  With the simple click of a mouse, you can create an entire fictitious life that many may even envy.  Facebook is the source to communicate with friends, family, colleagues and co-workers but most importantly it is a tool to promote "yourself."  This site gives you the opportunity to be that social butterfly you might not have the courage to be in reality.

We've all been in the situation at least once where we have contacted someone over Facebook whom we wouldn't normally have the courage to come up to in person.  But on Facebook, you could poke, request, post a message on their wall or more discretely write an email without the embarrassment of being shut down.  Granted, you might not receive an email or post in return, but heck, it definitely beats not to be embarrassed in person.

However, many consider Facebook the most childish and impersonal means of communication.  Of course, those are the people who are left out on all the great news and upcoming events such as "High School Reunions,” Surprise Birthday Parties, Holiday Shopping Sprees, Private Affairs and the occasional Networking Events.  Some of these folks even argue that Facebook has damaged their relationships, ran out of new wardrobe, created conflicts with their line of work, established contacts with stalkers, etc.

Business owners are now using Facebook as a source to do background checks on potential employees or on their current employees.  Many have lost their jobs, or the possibility of a position, simply due to the images and information featured on Facebook.  One must really think twice about how they are really placing themselves out there and the reputation they are selling with the information and images posted on sites such as Facebook.  While trying to prove your wild side to those old college and high school friends, you just might be trying to impress the wrong crowd, potentially branding yourself as an immature party-goer rather than a young professional with a free-spirit and networking ability.

Ever since the beeper era, short-hand, codes and/or abbreviations have been in style and used to communicate.  However, more and more new abbreviations are being created each day, slowly but surely moving away from proper grammar and spelling when writing.  Facebook has been one of the many sources that has permitted the continuous use of abbreviations.  This may well take away from the image that you withhold, reflecting the inner immaturity rather than the professionalism and stability in ones image.  Abbreviations such as FML, BIFFLES, ILY, BFF, etc. are just a few of those used by young Facebookers.  Many may feel that these abbreviations reflect the hip and outgoing side in actuality, they are a turn off to many.

All in all, Facebook gives you the power, the tool and the right to be anyone you want.  To express your most artificial and sometimes most honest thoughts, while branding yourself whether it is an improvement or not.  It has become one of, if not the most, important tool of communication and will continue to grow through time without a doubt.  It will continue to create envy, strengthen friendships and establish long distance relationships.

THANK YOU FOR READING!

ROSIE Q

AFTER THOUGHT'S BY

Marcos V - Host / Commentator 

Mrs. Q,

Your article was very informative and echoes what a lot of people think. It’s interesting how you point out that anyone can pretend to be someone they’re not on Facebook or on social media. Going further, you also identify how to recognize the immature or younger Facebook audience. First allow me to comment on the “Imaginary” portion of your article because i feel it's the most vital.

Many times I’ve seen how people on Facebook post status updates that are simply not true. They give updates that make them look like they have a great life and have achieved the stature of a celebrity, millionaire, CEO, or a sought after super model. They post updates like: “Chilling on the Yacht” (when they’re really home playing domino's), “Life is Good /I Love my life” (when they’re really at odds with the family & dealing with an emotional breakup), “Can’t wait for my photo shoot-my agent is soooo excited” (when it’s some sleazy photographer from Facebook that’s taking the photos for his perverted collection), “What a view from my room (with photo uploaded)” (when he/she uploaded the beautiful scenery of the rocky mountains from google). Yes, the list goes on about Imaginary lives and their social deceit.

Let me end today’s commentary with ‘how to recognize the youngsters on Facebook’. I do want to point out that the younger audience is entitled to their silly sayings, clichés, jersey shore references, and acronyms. (Just like we did when we were 25 & under). So here’s what gives it away:

1.    

        FML (Fuck My Life)  *Not only is this immature to use but it’s kind of negative as you’re cursing your entire existence.   Adults use: “What a bad day, what a mess, I can’t believe this happened”

2.     BFF / BIFFLES  (Best Friend) *It’s just very childlike and not something a grown person would use)    Adults use: “my close friend, my good friend, etc.

3.     ROFL (Rolling on the floor laughing) *LOL –Laugh out Loud should be sufficient. Anything further is overkill. Adults use: “LOL, That was funny”, or HAHAHA.”

4.     SYMBOLS & SHORTCUTS (Typing words by using crazy symbols & shapes or making abbreviations that simply do not exist) *Adults just don’t do that.

So those are some of the basic indicators of recent high school grads. Yes, there are several more but we will cover them in another future topic. For now, I understand the Facebook community a lot better and I hope you do too. 

Moral of my story... I rather you be a little immature than to just be a lie. Be young, be old, but be yourself. 

Thanks for reading & God Bless,

Marcos V