Is ROMANCE Dead?

Is ROMANCE Dead?

The pleasures of receiving flowers took an interesting turn. Straight into the Romance Department. How much we seem to miss it, and how little we seem to encounter it.

Romance, wherefore art thou?
Sex? We can find that. Friends with benefits? That, too.
But romance? What is it, exactly? Why does it seem so elusive? Are our expectations skewed? Is it unrealistic to anticipate romantic gestures in our harried, crazy stressful lives when we have so many other things to worry about?
Have men discarded the notion that women want it? Or do they no longer believe that romance is required – or worse – that it matters?

Romance without love?
What do you picture when you hear the word romance? Is love always involved? Do you imagine postcard versions of reality, complete with yourself stepping into scenes with candlelight and champagne, or strolling hand-in-hand along the beach at sunset? Do you require Venetian canals? Mountain vistas?

Or is it as simple – and deceptive – as roses delivered at the door?

·Is romance an indication of love or that it’s brewing?
·Do you assume it will lead to marriage? Does it bring us closer, or is it a smoke screen? A false god?
·Can it be enjoyed without assumptions – a simmering sign of affection that needs no Cupid’s arrow in the mix?

Defining Romance
According to Random House Dictionary (on Dictionary.com), romantic means:
. . . displaying or expressing love or strong affection; ardent, passionate, fervent; fanciful, impractical, unrealistic (as in ideas); characterized by a preoccupation with love or by the idealizing of love or one’s beloved.

Now there’s conflicting information for you. Love? Yes. And idealism, along with the glossing over of reality which is implied.  Passion? We’ve got that as well. And a notion that romance is inherently impractical.
Or is it sustaining romance that is impractical?

Love without romance
How many of us have loved – or still do – men and women who don’t have a romantic bone in their bodies? They have good hearts, a clear understanding of what it is to partner with another person, and they remain loyal, caring, and even passionate in a relationship. We love them for who we see (and wish to see); we love them for how they are with us (on good days and bad); we love them with or without romance – though we wouldn’t mind an inkling of it now and then.

Can love without romance work? We know it can.
So why do we miss the romance when it’s gone? Why do we long for it, if we never had it?

Sex – and then what?
Ever had a steamy relationship that had little to do with love, and everything to do with adventure and eroticism? What about an affair that involves human connection when you needed it, or simply good sex?

Romance? We might enjoy its spin around the dance floor, but we know we can blossom even without it.

·If it’s sex without love, are we less likely to crave the romantic?
·If passion can stand alone, does it require other gestures?
·If we have great sex with a little romance thrown in, do we mistake it for love?
·Does it add to our confusion between sex and lovemaking?

Must marriage mean the death of romance?
For more than 10 years, I got up early, made my coffee, began work, and dealt with children. If my husband was in town, I brewed his coffee just before the hour he preferred to rise. I added milk the way he liked it, set the cup by his side of the bed, then woke him gently.

Every morning he was there.
I recall my older son making me a cup of coffee in the morning a few times. He was eight or nine I think. But not my husband. Never my husband.
Is time the enemy of romance? Or is it routine? Or boredom? Or fatigue? Is marriage doomed to shed its romantic nooks and crannies -  if they ever existed – as partnership becomes about the marital unit, as love changes shape, as priorities shift?

What do you consider romantic?
When love is long term, perhaps we settle into rhythms that we cease to question.

If you’re fortunate, flowers or love notes give way to extra sleep on the weekend because the baby’s been keeping you up. To taking the kids out so you can have an hour of quiet. To surprising you with a walk together through your favorite neighborhood. To bringing home pizza so there’s no need to cook. And a little more energy for making love.

Like any woman, I may be dazzled by flowers arriving unexpectedly, but I don’t need them. What I do need are signs that I am appreciated. Treasured. The occasional gesture.

Is that idealistic and unrealistic?

Real life, real romance
It’s easy to be romantically inclined when you’re on vacation, removed from the stresses of daily duties.

But in our real lives, our everyday mess and chaos, is it unrealistic to think that romance is around the next corner? Or in some unanticipated act from your spouse of twenty years?

I’ve known passion without romance (it’s certainly fulfilling), romance without passion (also viable), and something like marriage that lacked in both departments, foreshadowing a lifestyle missing its music. Still, other elements brought about its inevitable end.

Friendship? Respect? Values?
When it comes to love, three little words are never enough. They help, but they’re words. Actions speak louder than words, don’t they?

When it comes to love, I believe that friendship, respect, and common values provide the support system to sustain the partnership. But without passion or romance, even that may not be enough.

Romance may take a variety of forms; its presence is a reflection of feeling and appreciation. Its absence, a reflection of elements that bear examining.

If romance matters to you, however it is demonstrated, better to acknowledge it sooner rather than later. And if it’s on the wane, might we rekindle the spark by leading with our example?

How to Be The Leading Man & Get The Woman You Want

How to Be The Leading Man & Get The

 Woman You Want

Kristi Ambrose-  Contributor

The perfect woman out there has her eyes set on you and nothing but you. All the men around her want her, give her the attention that any woman would love, yet she would never trade anything for you -- even if you haven't been giving her the special treatment that other men do. Sounds familiar, right? In the 50s it was Cary Grant, in the 90s it was Hugh Grant. By the 21st Century, it was Leonardo Di Caprio with his movie Titanic. These leading men get the right women who love them, warts and all. Amazing, isn't it? Well, you too can be the leading man type and be a suave pick up artist throughout your lifetime.

Read books; it helps. Honestly. Don't believe anyone who would claim that their "appeal" to women is purely natural. Please, that is a total crap. Art of Persuasion is something that has a formula and can be learned. You can also learn it if you only know how to do it exactly. There are tons of books out there that are specifically written to teach a man how to get the woman he wants and keep her wanting him. The basic guide is usually laid out clearly: from giving that perfect pick up line to follow up and follow through. Read these types of books; books that teach you step-by-step on how to achieve the leading man status. It will make you believe that you can do it, will help you boost your self-confidence and give you the "secrets" that men next to you won't ever reveal to you, even if you pay him 10 grand. Invest time to read them. It's all worth the trouble.

Practice. In your head. After reading these pick up books, use your imagination to practice the scenarios given in the books. Imagine yourself pulling a "care to have a drink" line without you getting a "no, thanks" look from your lady. Be creative and create your own pick up lines based on the examples provided in the book. Create different scenarios in your head and give your own take to the situation -- how you would handle a woman and how you would be remembered even after that first meeting. Practice In the wild. Practice makes perfect, so they say. It's true. With the secrets you learned from a pick up artist book, it's now time to give it a test drive.

You might blunder the first time, or you may not. Whichever the results of your test in the wilds would be, don't get discouraged or too eager. Learn from your tests and take note of both the good and the bad. In no time at all, you will reach the leading man status that only movie stars enjoy in movies they make.

Kristi Ambrose

WHAT ARE YOU REALLY LOOKING FOR IN A GUY?

Romance and an Interesting Conversation on WHAT ARE YOU REALLY LOOKING FOR IN A GUY?

Star Roman-  Host / Commentator

My close friends often ask, "What do you look for in a guy?" This is a very interesting question that I've given a lot of thought to lately. After much deliberation, I've finally narrowed it down. In this fine process of elimination, I have noted that a very big part of this question is that it is really about me. What am I looking for in a guy?

Aside from the natural things that every human being should be equipped with like loyalty and honesty is also the ability to able communicate and to be understanding. Those are the essentials to successful relationships in general. So am I looking for this in “a guy” of course and not just in guys, I’m expecting those things in everyone.

I’m not the perfect fit therefore I’m not looking for the perfect fit. I want a mirror. Show me everything that is holding me back. Bring me to my own attention so I can make the changes I need to make in my life. Be the most important person that I have ever met. Tare down my walls and help me awaken from my dream state.

People come into our lives and they help us reveal another layer of ourselves. So shake me up, show me my obstacles and my addictions, carve your way into my heart and show me a higher state of consciousness.

I’m looking for the reality of the present moment not for the rulebook of intimacy because maybe there are no rules. Perhaps, those will have to be defined as we go along.

I’m looking for romance and interesting conversation.  I am looking for a grounded person with meaningful foundation and a strong desire for life.

I don’t care if I need to stay up crying all night long. Stay up with me. Protect me until I die. Be stronger than my bad days, and braver than my lonely ones. Don't let anything exhaust you please, especially me.

Celebrate with me in my successes. Be supportive of my goals and dreams. Have your own goals and dreams and look forward to celebrating in their success. That’s what I’m looking for in a guy. I’m not looking to be rescued. 

Honesty, loyalty and understanding- those are a given. What are you about? What moves you? What would you like to experience with “the one”. Come on- our relationships often fail because too often we settle for things that should be given from the very beginning. And how can we expect magic if we are merely settling for traits that should be given?

In the infamous words of Carrie Bradshaw: “I am looking for love, real love. Ridiculous, consuming, can’t live without each other love”

What are you really looking for in a guy?             

Thanks For Reading Beautiful People!

Star Roman

A Mystery Note Found on a Windshield. DAYDREAMING

A Mystery Note Found on a Windshield... DAYDREAMING

Star Roman-  Host / Commentator 

Dear Love,

I missed you today when I awoke from my slumber only to find my heart empty and my eyes still tired. My dreams are slowly becoming as I sleepwalk steadfast throughout my day wondering how you are. And they are most definitely bittersweet, like the rest of me.

I’m a little scared. I know I shouldn’t say that. Although I will admit it is a thought that frequently visits the back of my mind lately. I shouldn’t feel this way, I know and that isn’t even the hardest part; the hardest part is that I did this knowingly. You have somehow changed me and I am not sure what that means exactly. I certainly do not know you long enough to feel this way but I certainly do long to know you better perhaps, because I enjoy you deeply. I’m not good at relationships. You make me feel uncertain, awkward, weird, vulnerable and a few other things that I’m too prude to write.

There are so many reasons why I shouldn’t tell you this: I have left the broken wreckage of relationships behind me. I couldn’t stand to ever hurt you and though I am very concerned that you will hurt me I have taken the chance and fallen anyway. I hope you can forgive me.

Love,

Your Muse. (I’m flattered)

-STAR ROMAN

LOVE THAT WE CANNOT HAVE is the one that lasts the longest.

Love that we cannot have is the one that lasts the longest.

Star Roman - Host / Commentator

Love that we cannot have is the one that lasts the longest, hurts the deepest and feels the strongest...

Have you ever felt a strong connection with someone that you could not explain?  Sometimes, I wonder if we are looking for this person our whole lives. Sometimes I wonder if they have a special mission, or influence in the things that we choose to do. Are they the people that you meet along the way that help you creating some sort of balance?  Is it someone you love, and would do anything for? Someone who loves you, and would do anything for you? And in that love, nothing is required for either person, because everything is already given?

I wonder and I know a lot of us do. Did you know that originally it is said that we were made of four arms, four legs and one head with two faces. The Greek Gods feared our power and split us all in half, and condemned us to spend the rest of our lives searching for that other half that completes us. I’m trying to understand this concept. So this implies that we are incomplete beings wandering the universe minus our counterpart with hopes that we will meet them to complete us. And if we don’t, what happens?

Do we experience a life that is not how it should be for lack of finding that other half? What if, we meet someone who “appears” to be our other half, only to find out later, that they are not? How about if our perspective on life changes, and we decide that what interested us before does no longer. How about if we grow internally and we find that all this time we were soul searching within. Like caterpillars, experiencing life only to reach an inactive pupal stage. We really don’t know what to expect. Then one day we realize that all that we experience was conditional to a spectacular metamorphosis where we emerged stunning, and with a new perspective waiting to be. I don’t think that this outcome depends on an external missing person. 

I have felt a connection with someone many, many times. And as I go through my own metamorphosis there are a lot of people that I connect with. Do they define me, not really? Do they complete me, no? You see I think that we are born unto this world and we experience life, waiting to become something great like butterflies. The people that we meet along the way are there to enhance our journey, heighten our experience.  They are not our broken omitted half. I don’t think that we can have a missing half, when we were never whole to begin with. As we live and learn we become whole, we become great. We are not looking for a soul mate. We are imperfect, we are supposed to be. What about the Greek Gods? We will never know. Do I think we were condemned to living an empty life of searching for this missing part that complete us, no. Maybe, we were split from the half that was holding us back.  We are free to believe what we want.

I choose to believe that we are imperfect souls, going through the metamorphosis of life meeting people that we connect with to make this path that we are on memorable, magical and triumphant. This is a mystical life that we live. Our expectations of it should not depend on the limitations of the outer world. It should come from that strong force from within that pushes our very existence to have and be all that we desire. Other people that are in our path should not be factor on the outcome of our aspirations. We have unbounded potential. We just have to tap into it, liberate our self from conditions and be true to ourselves. We have all that we need, imperfections and all. Love yourself, love your life.

Love is life and if you miss love well, you miss life- Leo Buscaglia

Thanks for reading,

Star Roman

Are Healthy Relationships & Healthy Diets Really That Different?

Are Healthy Relationships & Healthy Diets really that different? 

Star Roman - Host / Commentator

Sometimes you can't help but to fall for the impossible mate or the dessert tray, but does either have a healthy outcome? Is it possible to have both- the excitement of the naughty with the benefit of the nice?

Yesterday I was thinking about that question, as I sat getting sun at 1 in the afternoon listening to Coltrane and sipping XXX Acai-blueberry- pomegranate Vitamin Water. Is it possible to have our cake, and skip the whole baking process and calories? Living in the 21^st century and seeing how some of the things that we never thought possible now are, makes me think that we can have it all.  When we were kids we were taught that as we grew unto our adolescence we could be anything that we wanted. (As long as it wasn't something like a drag queen or prostitute.) Okay, they didn't tell us that part but it was somewhere between the "don't drink and drive and be home by 2 am"- And of course none of us ever broke those rules right? Mhm.  

So what is a healthy relationship? What were we taught a healthy relationship is to be? Is it a relationship of love, trust, understanding, fun, and reality? One where no one gets hurt and the present moment always prevails?  It very well may be. Is it a surreal connection with a trusted unattainable soul mate that you never though could possibly exists? Where you understand that you can't have it all so you settle for the comfort of the familiar for fear of the unknown? The truth is that we justify to ourselves the things that we want to have or do; even though they may not always be the "healthy" choice.

How many times have you started a diet and lost weight only to gain it all back once you divert from the path of dietary righteousness?  I know I have many, many times. It is hard to understand moderation when you restrict yourself from the things that you really want to have.  If you don't believe me, practice restriction for one hour and respond to this blog with your results. The moment you tell yourself you can't have something, you find that you will give that something God like qualities to justify your need or want for it. It is inevitable. Still, no answer to my question- I am still left wondering- Is a healthy relationship and a diet really that different.

So, this is what I came up with: Moderation, being within reasonable limits- not excessive or extreme. It is okay to fall for the death by chocolate or interesting best friend, as long as we understand moderation. That is a definite maybe, I think. We have to see the consequences before we say "Life's too short, eat the chocolate" or "Tomorrow we'll go back to being friends". < < Say Goodbye Lyrics by Dave Mathews Band, Great Song- Rockin Band)

 I am sure that there will be bad times, where mistakes will be made and decisions will become unclear and unsure. These are the facets of our lives from which we draw experiences and learn from. The excitement of the naughty is within all of us, so is the benefit of the nice. If we are nice to our bodies we will benefit from a long healthy life full of vigor and enthusiasm. If we drink 8 Bellini's and smoke 2 packs of Marlboro Ultra Lights three days a week and go to sleep in the morning… Well, you get it.

I thought to myself moderation as I tossed the Vitamin Water and reached for the sun block.

Thanks for reading,

Star Roman