Why Sex Really Does Change Everything
by Scott Alden
“Sex changes everything.” It’s the cliched advice that our friends love to give us after the fact, when it’s already too late. But what exactlydoes sex change? And why?Well, I’m no genius, but curiosity got the better of me and I actually did some research on this one. And found out some fascinating things. Then I drew my own unabashedly unscientific conclusions.
It breaks down like this:
Your Sexy Brain
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the lateral orbitofrontal cortex. It’s the part of your brain that’s responsible for reason and self-control. And guess what? When you orgasm, it shuts off. Completely. In both men and women.
When women orgasm, the activity in the amygdala and hippocampus slows way down. These are the parts of your brain that produce fear and anxiety.
So, according to science, anyway, both men and women lose control of their rational minds and women feel more safe and comfortable than normal.
Your Wacky Hormones
Every heard of oxytocin? It’s a kind of a big-wig, hormonally speaking. Oxytocin’s basically running the block, reproduction-wise. Lactation? Erections? The strength of your orgasm? Oxytocin, oxytocin, oxytocin. This power-hormone’s most famous achievement, though, is that it’s largely responsible formaking you like people. It’s like some crazy, super-addictive “trust drug.” And when you orgasm? Yup. Huge spike.
It’s worth noting, while we’re on the topic, that physical affection (kissing, soft caresses, all that Barry White stuff) helps to produce oxytocin. Which increases orgasm strength. Everybody got that?
It’s also worth noting that, because girls tend to get more physical affection from their family and peers at an early age, some women may have developed an oxytocin dependency. Like, the equivalent of a drug dependency. Men, while they like oxytocin, aren’t necessarily addicted to it. Everybody got that, too?
But What Does It All Mean?!
Okay, so, sex makes both men and women lose all ability to reason at the exact moment that they get a mainlined a HUGE dose of trust drugs. I’m no doctor, but as someone who’s had some emotionally complex sexual relationships, I’ve got to wonder if this crazy cocktail isn’t a recipe for unreasonable attachment. Which scares the hell out of everybody, right? I mean, attachment that is rooted in some kind of rational trust is different. That’s the good stuff. But attachment that is beyond our control? Attachment that shouldn’t even be happening because we barely even know each other? It takes some serious presence of mind not to freak out at least a little.
Casual sex is possible. Yup. So is Friends With Benefits. But I have never had really mind-blowing sex (i.e. oxytocin-heavy sex) and had both parties mutually shrug “whatevs,” afterward.
It seems that if there’s some rational, reality-based bond with a person before we have sex with them, it’ll be a easier to deal with them, and ourselves, when we come back from our temporary trip to Orgasmy Trust Cloud Land.
It’s sort of like cleaning your apartment before you go on vacation. It's up to you if you do or don't, but one way is definitely just nicer than the other.
