5 Things That Make A Man Afraid To Love You!

5 Things That Make A Man Afraid To Love You!

There are countless things that a man would never want to hear from a woman, especially the ones they love; however, women have the tendency to think of them as a fear developing from men; wherein such men become afraid of loving their women. Here are just a few of the things that make a woman ask the question "was he afraid to love me?"' when in fact, it is actually things that her man is afraid to hear.

1. Be A Man: These words will truly have a damaging impact on your man. Imagine, having to question his manhood and masculinity. Even though your man loves you deeply, but if you will not be so womanly as to question his being a man, then expect that your man will drift away a little and ay seem like he is afraid you love you. Of course, after questioning his manhood, it is but natural that he will feel like detaching himself from you for a while until he has finally thought things over.

2. We need to have a talk: The question of "was he afraid to love me?" is actually an outcome of the things you say. If you tell your man in a matter-of-fact tone that you need to have a talk, you may not know it but it actually stabs your man's heart and so, he appears like he is drifting away. That is why you should be careful with what you say and avoid carelessly blurting out something that might hurt the feelings of your man.

3. My parents would like to meet you: Popping this question to your man may actually tell him two things. First, that your relationship together has already crossed milestones and should now be considered a really serious relationship; or that second, your family plans to dissect and conduct some character evaluation or character assassination on your man. And naturally, your man would feel a little bit uncomfortable about it which could cause him to detach himself a little from you; thus, prompting you to ask the question of "was he afraid to love me?".

4. It is so different with the way my ex-boyfriends does it: Make sure you never talk or make mention about your ex-boyfriend. Because it will surely give him a negative feeling to be compared with someone you have already dumped or worse, might have dumped you.

5. What are you thinking of?: It is understandable that women are by nature, curious about knowing things. However, since men are not so fond of being questioned so much, make sure you do not discuss about what could be on his thoughts or worse, explore the various things that could be occupying his mind. It would be best to just keep yourself from talking so much especially when you notice that your man is deep in his thoughts. Following such tips, you can be assured that you will not have to ask the same question of "was he afraid to love me?" about your man.

MARRIAGE & FACEBOOK?

A Little FACEBOOK Love Never Hurt Nobody!

Although officially Facebook is not an online dating site, many consider it to be one in disguise. Thousands of people looking for romance click on other's profiles to see if they're cute, or if they have similar interests that might spark a relationship. As one senior wrote, "Before, the point when a relationship went from casual to serious was meeting the parents. Now it's announcing your relationship on your Facebook profile." Another senior writes that that the most painful part of a breakup is when you click on your ex's profile and see that he/she has changed their entry in the Relationship status to "single".

I can hear lots of you saying, "So? What's wrong with that?"

The answer is, plenty. And although even I think that it's way too late to put the Facebook dating genie back in the bottle, there are some things to think about that should make you go hmm when you consider developing a serious relationship via Facebook.

Most people decide that someone on Facebook interests them because of their profile. What exactly does the Facebook profile tell you? Well, it tells you the person's university, their major, their age, their hobbies and interests, favorite movie, books, music, etc. And lots of people think that common profile elements are a strong reason to begin cultivating a relationship.

Hmm.

That means that, when you go out with your Facebook date, you feel as though you already know them. You have lots to talk about, because you have common interests. The relationship develops more and more and you become deeply involved, to the point where you begin to think you might actually have found your real, true soul mate.

Just one problem: You don't know very much about this person.

You know that you have common interests, hobbies, likes and dislikes. But a deep, lifelong relationship cannot be based on the fact that you both love Fall Out Boy, your favorite novel is The Firm and you've both seen The Titanic 15 times. It's not enough to know that you both enjoy foosball and love mango flavored ice cream. There are other, deeper and far more fundamental issues that you need to explore before you can make any kind of long-term decisions.

Hmm.

So how do you figure out if the person you're dating is really the right one for you? It's actually somewhat easier than you think. There are four deal-breakers, four non-negotiable factors in finding your soul mate. If you can find someone with all four, it's highly likely that you've found your life partner, with whom you can build a relationship that will last. And no, these four do not appear anywhere on Facebook.

Look for someone who:

1)   Has a Higher Commitment
Before you decide to marry someone, make sure that they are fully committed to some kind of objective moral and ethical standard. Whether we realize it or not, everyone has some kind of core value that is central to their personality. And when push comes to shove, that value is going to be the most important thing in the world to that person.

Let's take a couple named Jeff and Mindy, who connected through Facebook and are seriously considering becoming engaged. Jeff's core value is adventure, and he'll do almost anything for a thrill. When he and Mindy start dating he happens to be volunteering in the local ER four times a week. Mindy really admires this and thinks that Jeff is amazing. Well, Mindy, he might be amazing, but he's in the ER because he loves adventure. His adventurous streak happens to be expressing itself in a kind way - but what if that changes all of the sudden? He might begin to do things for adventure that Mindy thinks are wrong, or even immoral. Then what's she going to do?

That's why finding out the other person's core value is so important.

So, how do you figure it out? It's pretty simple. No matter what a person's core value is, you'll see him or her constantly sacrificing for it. So if Jeff's core value is adventure, he might risk an accident in order to speed through an intersection, or come late to work because he was following a police chase. By following him closely, Mindy will see that Jeff places adventure above other things on his list of priorities.

But if Jeff's core value is goodness, is helping others, then Mindy will see him sacrifice for that. He'll come late to work because he helped an old lady home with her groceries; he'll let the other guy cross the intersection first even though it was his turn.

So the first deal-breaker is to make sure that the person you're thinking of marrying is deeply committed to a higher set of values that you appreciate.

2)   Treats Others Courteously
You obviously want to marry someone who is going to treat you well. But how can you tell? This is even easier than #1. When you're with this person, pay attention to how they treat other people whom they're not trying to charm. Do they say thank you to people like gas station attendants and bank tellers? Are they courteous to waiters and ushers? Or do they let the parking attendant have it for taking a bit too long to bring the car? Do they drive aggressively, as though they own the road? Ask yourself these questions and similar ones, and take note of the answers - because these characteristics are going to come out down the line. They show the real persona - the one you'll discover after you're married.

3)   Has Good Communication Skills
In other words, communication skills (something difficult to appreciate over the Internet!). Make sure that you are both on the same wavelength, so that you don't enter a relationship that is replete with frequent disagreements that later turn out to be misunderstandings. You don't need that headache. Although minor misunderstandings can always occur, check to make sure that they are relatively infrequent - because after marriage, arguments can absolutely ruin the atmosphere in the house.

4) Is Attractive to You
Physical attraction is the one, essential aspect of marriage that you might think Facebook portrays accurately. Think again. People are not always the same in real life as they are in the photos on their page. While sometimes the person may be much better looking in life than in a still, many times it works the opposite way. If this happens, and you find yourself disappointed in your date's physical appearance, don't make any premature decisions. Often, as a relationship develops, the person's looks may "grow" on you, and you will find them very attractive. This is especially true when the relationship is based on these four factors.

So as you're clicking around, keep these four deal breakers in mind. They are the key to finding and building a beautiful, warm loving relationship that will outlast any interest or hobby -even Fall Out Boy -and even Facebook.

DO LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS EVER WORK?

DO LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS EVER WORK?

Whilly Bermudez-  Host / Commentator

AMOR DE LEJO, AMOR DE PENDEJO…

Let me start clear. Trust: If you’re wise then you already know that trust is an expensive thing. If we ever sit down and have a drink together, I will tell you about some of the things I’ve seen in my 34 years of life. The treachery, the deviousness, and overall deceitfulness that some women engage in are sickening to say the least. Yes, ladies I know that you’re already thinking “How about you men?”. Yes, but right now, I have the floor  J

In my world, Trust is something you have to build and I don’t give it from day 1. Sorry it’s the way it is here. So that the main element in determining whether a long distance relationship can work or not is Trust or lack of it. However, there are other factors.

Many factors determine the success and failure of a long distance relationship but after everything is said and done, I do believe that the negative ones outweigh the positives. There are many instances where it is proven that long distance relationship works and I do believe that these can be plausible. However, compare a long distance relationship to a normal one that a majority of the people in the planet experiences and you can see clearly that distance play a big role in becoming a problem.

Nowadays communication and other technological feats have broken the barrier of instant communications. Nevertheless, everyone can still agree on one thing, that nothing beats a casual conversation done face to face than compared to a one done through wires and lines of communications. Common courtesy and culture always dictates that there are certain things better said in person than done through the phone or chat. The only medium to have instant communication from a long distance relationship nowadays is through phone, chat and internet. It is almost like having a pen pal or an imaginary partner to make it more precise.

Another underlying problem is when you spend so little time together and with each other, your other means of social relationships with peers, family and friends will suffer. If you and your long distance partner agrees on a schedule for your communication and you are at a party or at a place where it will be awkward to initiate a phone conversation, then one thing or one activity has to suffer. You will have to choose either that social activity or your relationship. On the other hand, in normal relationships, your social worlds can safely coexist along side with your normal relationship. This tends to be a little harder with long distance relationships as you will sacrifice one from another.

One of the biggest problems with long distance relationships depends on how it started. Relationships that began as long distance often fare better than those where one person had to move away. First, not everyone is receptive to the idea of a long distance relationship so you always have some problems if one person wants to try it and the other does not. Even if you end up convincing them to, the relationship will suffer as a result.

Studies show that a relationship that starts from long distance will always fare far better than the one starting normal and moving away into a long distant one. Another big problem is not both partner sometimes can agree on having to move to a long distance relationship. The worst part is even after convincing the other partner, the relationships always suffer anyways.

Notice, I didn’t even want to cover the lack of intimacy which will all know is Paramount in a relationship. I figured it all ready crossed your mind.

Loneliness is the biggest obstacle to a long distance relationship. These will often lead to cheating and infidelities. In the end, it will still be up to the couple's commitment towards each other that counts best.

So I say we keep it face to face and in person.

My Best,

WHILLY BERMUDEZ

A Different Fear of Commitment

A Different Fear of Commitment

Jonathan Torres-  Contributor

I feel like I should be sitting in some circle in a nondescript class or meeting room, surrounded by faces I don’t know each looking as guilty as I. I’m Jonathan; I’m 30 years old and have never been married. The next part is a bit confusing though. Although a 30 year old single male with no kids isn’t as rare as it used to be, I was recently accused of having a fear of commitment by an ex-girlfriend, of course. Short history lesson: Lost my job, lost a close friend who seemingly may have taken her own life and my grandfather was in his final days in the hospital. In the heat of an argument, I took my relationship down with everything else life had and was taking from me.

In one of the many subsequent post-break up battles a set of words were spoken that I couldn’t recall ever having heard before. “You’re just afraid of commitment!” she said. Here’s where it gets confusing. Sure, I was 30; I’d lived with a couple long-term girlfriends and was even engaged to one of them for a couple years. Was she saying that because I freaked out as my world was falling apart and I realized she was basically moving in at the same time? No, that was too easy. She was alluding to the fact that I also blew up my engagement (twice) and never even got close to planning the big day. Now we’re getting somewhere.

There’s nothing like the passing of one of your closest elders when you’re starting to hit your stride as an adult to make you analyze and re-analyze your life like the overnight reruns of Sportscenter™. My grandfather’s passing was the loss of the first significant male figure in my life. I had some thinking to do. Why wasn’t I married? Should I be? If I did have a fear of commitment, where would it have started? My parents divorced around the 21^st year of my life, it wasn’t necessarily a surprise, my dad screwed up. I’d learned then of a younger half sister, conceived through infidelity, of only 5 years of age at the time that had been residing only a block away from where we vacationed every year. The week following my grandfather’s passing, I finally grasped the reality that he too had given me a half aunt at some point during the early days of his marriage to my grandmother. 

As ridiculous as it may sound, it doesn’t stop there. I could point to almost every marriage within my immediate and extended family over the past few generations and show you fewer successful marriages than I could count on a single hand. Infidelity, it turns out, runs as thick through my blood as my Colombian accent. So is it really a fear of commitment, or a fear of failure? Am I genetically destined to be in a failed marriage? I am looking forward to the day I get married and have some kids of my own, but will I be able to break the cycle or is history determined to repeat itself? I guess until I jump in the deep end of the pool I won’t truly know if I can swim.

To the bride and groom,

Jonathan Torres

SHOULD COUPLES LIVE TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE?

SHOULD COUPLES LIVE TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE?

Whilly Bermudez-  Host / Commentator

I hope my teenage daughter isn’t reading this because although we all prefer for our daughters to get married before living with someone- I have to disagree. After having someone live with me and learning how everyone has little differences, pepeeves, and ways of doing things within a home, it’s clear that it’s a good idea to learn some of those things first. Knowing the who, how, and when of your significant other is key to success.  In my opinion, this is how you can identify what you can or cannot live with. What do you say?

 
It's undeniable that marriage and relationships in general look nothing like they did 40 years ago. What's happened? Women's lib, skyrocketing divorce rates, the death of the nuclear family -- and that's just for starters. The whole game has changed.

Sometimes I think that each generation exhibits a reactionary trend to their predecessors.

I am part of the "divorced parents" era. About 60 percent of all people I meet my age come from broken homes. While this phenomenon didn't necessarily make us "anti-marriage," it has certainly made us "marriage cautious" or "marriage disillusioned."

I know the statistics -- if I ever do tie the knot, I know it ain't gonna be all sunshine and roses. And that's why I plan to be as sure as I can possibly, possibly be.

Before I exchange any vows, I've made a vow to myself: I MUST live with someone before I marry them. I'm not alone in this thinking. About 70 percent of couples are cohabiting before marriage these days, according to research from the University of Denver.

When people say, "You never really know someone until you live with them," they are speaking the damn truth.

I realize that there are also opponents of this belief, primarily in the religious arena of society. However, I think you ultimately have to do what you feel will produce the best course of action and its results. Be happy and try to make the least amount of mistakes as possible. ;)

Cheers!

WHILLY BERMUDEZ