6 Really Unattractive Things That Women Do When They're Drunk

6 Really Unattractive Things That Women Do When They're Drunk

by Scott Alden

Listen, when guys get wasted EVERYTHING we do is unattractive. We slur, we leer, we look like gross, sad apes. It's a bad scene.

Women, on the hand, y'all can kind of pull it off. IF and only IF you can pull yourself together and avoid ALL of the following: 

1. Singing "Pour Some Sugar on Me" at the top of your lungs

This song should be called "Have Terrible Sex With Me"

2. Stumbling

Stumbling sober is cute and Tina Fey-like. Stumbling drunk is sad and Snooki-like.

3. Asking me if you're a terrible person

Um... Kinda?

4. Saying "I need to vom" (actual vomiting not nearly as unattractive)

Honestly, I'd prefer "barf."

5. Missing the straw

Imagine the face you're making when it stabs you in the lip. Yeah, that one.

6. Deciding that now is a good time to try out winking for the first time

Is that...Do you have a twitch or something?

It's totally cool. It happens. Just try to avoid the above and you'll come off as more or less charming.

Why Sex Really Does Change Everything

Why Sex Really Does Change Everything

by Scott Alden

“Sex changes everything.” It’s the cliched advice that our friends love to give us after the fact, when it’s already too late. But what exactlydoes sex change? And why?

Well, I’m no genius, but curiosity got the better of me and I actually did some research on this one. And found out some fascinating things. Then I drew my own unabashedly unscientific conclusions.

It breaks down like this:

Your Sexy Brain

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the lateral orbitofrontal cortex. It’s the part of your brain that’s responsible for reason and self-control. And guess what? When you orgasm, it shuts off. Completely. In both men and women.

When women orgasm, the activity in the amygdala and hippocampus slows way down. These are the parts of your brain that produce fear and anxiety.

So, according to science, anyway, both men and women lose control of their rational minds and women feel more safe and comfortable than normal.

Your Wacky Hormones

Every heard of oxytocin? It’s a kind of a big-wig, hormonally speaking. Oxytocin’s basically running the block, reproduction-wise. Lactation? Erections? The strength of your orgasm? Oxytocin, oxytocin, oxytocin. This power-hormone’s most famous achievement, though, is that it’s largely responsible formaking you like people. It’s like some crazy, super-addictive “trust drug.” And when you orgasm? Yup. Huge spike.

It’s worth noting, while we’re on the topic, that physical affection (kissing, soft caresses, all that Barry White stuff) helps to produce oxytocin. Which increases orgasm strength. Everybody got that?

It’s also worth noting that, because girls tend to get more physical affection from their family and peers at an early age, some women may have developed an oxytocin dependency. Like, the equivalent of a drug dependency. Men, while they like oxytocin, aren’t necessarily addicted to it. Everybody got that, too?

But What Does It All Mean?!

Okay, so, sex makes both men and women lose all ability to reason at the exact moment that they get a mainlined a HUGE dose of trust drugs. I’m no doctor, but as someone who’s had some emotionally complex sexual relationships, I’ve got to wonder if this crazy cocktail isn’t a recipe for unreasonable attachment. Which scares the hell out of everybody, right? I mean, attachment that is rooted in some kind of rational trust is different. That’s the good stuff. But attachment that is beyond our control? Attachment that shouldn’t even be happening because we barely even know each other? It takes some serious presence of mind not to freak out at least a little.

Casual sex is possible. Yup. So is Friends With Benefits. But I have never had really mind-blowing sex (i.e. oxytocin-heavy sex) and had both parties mutually shrug “whatevs,” afterward.

It seems that if there’s some rational, reality-based bond with a person before we have sex with them, it’ll be a easier to deal with them, and ourselves, when we come back from our temporary trip to Orgasmy Trust Cloud Land.

It’s sort of like cleaning your apartment before you go on vacation. It's up to you if you do or don't, but one way is definitely just nicer than the other.

10 Things Ladies Shouldn't Have in Their Bedrooms, According To a Guy

10 Things Ladies Shouldn't Have in Their Bedrooms, According To a Guy

Written by Chiara Atik

On our Date Report Blog, we posted a list of 10 things guys should not have in their bedrooms, which featured items that more or less conjured the image of an untidy, odorous and decoratively trite being (which is to say, a man). Now, while I can’t think of many adornments that would actually send a guy running from a woman’s bedroom, I thought it’d be appropriate to come up with a list of items that would certainly incur some judgment (at least as much as Chiara hurled upon the poor men who dare like Gilmore Girls). So here are my ten.

1. A guitar you don’t know how to play (I once went home with a girl who said she had it because “it looked pretty and woody”)

2. Pictures of your cat when your cat is still alive and, in fact, sitting right there on your bed
3. Old bowl of Mac N’Cheese (I submit that women are FAR more culpable on this one!)

4. Scattered Luna Bar wrappers

5. Both the Marilyn Monroe glamour poster and the Breakfast at Tiffany’s poster (A.K.A. the female Scarface)—one is OK, but not both

6. A Snuggie

7. More than five pillows on your bed

8. Anything more than one surface level’s worth of makeup products (the floor does not count)
9. A mirror that’s completely covered in pictures, particularly photo booth strips

10. Pregnancy test. Anywhere. Opened or unopened. Hidden or in sight.

Agree/disagree? Anything to add to this list? Let us know in the comments!
—Written by Chiara Atik

In a Far Away Land There Is "Living-Apart-Together Relationships"

In a Far Away Land There Is "Living-Apart-Together Relationships"
By Patricia Karvelas

MORE than 1.1 million Australians are in what are called living-apart-together relationships - in other words they're a couple but live in different places.

An Australian Institute of Family Studies report, to be published in its Family Matters journal today, shows 24 per cent of the officially single population are actually in a relationship, although the Australian Bureau of Statistics records them as single.

Anna Reimondos, Ann Evans and Edith Gray of ANU's Australian Demographic and Social Research Institute found younger people in this "LAT" group wanted to move in together within the next three years, but two-thirds of the over-45s liked living alone and did not intend to move in with their partners, despite being in long-term relationships.

The researchers used data from the fifth wave of the Household, Income and Labour Dynamics in Australia survey, which for the first time asked respondents who were not married and not living with a partner whether they were in a permanent relationship.

Ms Reimondos said it was the first time a clear figure had been delivered on how many people were in LAT relationships that did not involve co-habiting.

"Research from abroad shows these kinds of arrangements are increasing. There are a few reasons it could be rising -- marriage dissolution rates are increasing, people are living longer so they are more likely to form these relationships," she said. "Out of the 45-and-over group, two-thirds said 'No, I do not intend to move in together'. The suggestion is they are more risk-adverse because they've probably gone through a marriage breakdown, and also there's the practicalities of joining two households and adjusting to another person's habits."

The report says it is important to understand more about these partnerships, as the lives of people who are truly single, compared with people who have a non-resident partner, are likely to be different in many respects.

The mean duration of an LAT relationship was 2.4 years and the average length 1.5 years, but the figures hid substantial variations. While 40 per cent had begun their relationship less than 12 months before the survey, 28 per cent were in a union that had lasted for three years or more. Despite not sharing the same residence, the frequency of contact between partners was high, with about 75 per cent meeting at least three times a week, and many on a daily basis.

Four types of people were involved: the under-25s with no children and no history of marriage; the young adults, previously de facto, mainly aged between 25 and 34 with no children and no marriage history; the single parents, usually over 30, most of whom had been married and had at least one child; and the older, previously married group, mainly aged 45 and over who had previously been married.

The report finds a high percentage of young adults who had previously cohabited intended to start living with their partner in the next three years, and to marry in the future.

While couples this age have in the past felt societal pressure to consolidate their relationship by living together or getting married, the survey found that with the new LAT grouping this was not the case.

"For those under 25, the single parents, and the older previously married couples, the pressure to move in with their partner is unlikely to be felt as strongly," the report says.

"Indeed, these groups may even have felt a social pressure not to live with their partner."

Sexual Relationships ‘Rampant’ in Military Wing

Sexual Relationships ‘Rampant’ in Military Wing
By Scott Fontaine

The wing commander didn’t have a lock on workplace relationships.

Many members of the 121st Air Refueling Wing were friends with one another; some even became lovers, according to the Air Force inspector general’s office.

Investigators had set out to look into complaints about wing commander Brig. Gen. Thomas Botchie and uncovered a unit rife with cronyism and romance.

Witnesses told of officers dating enlisted airmen, including a colonel who eventually married an enlisted female airman who worked in the wing. Sexual relationships between officers and enlisted airmen, one officer testified, were “rampant” and an “accepted practice.”

The stories prompted investigators to look into the workplace relationships of Col. Stephen McMahon, the commander of the wing’s operations unit. In the end, they determined McMahon probably had exposed himself when he went skinny-dipping on a temporary duty assignment, had sexually harassed female subordinates and had an inappropriate consensual sexual relationship with a senior master sergeant.

Maj. Gen. Gregory Wayt, then the adjutant general of the Ohio National Guard, removed McMahon from his position last year. McMahon then retired.

McMahon was on a temporary duty assignment to Curacao, Netherlands Antilles, in the fall of 2006, when he took a nighttime skinny-dip, according to the report.

McMahon claimed he left a group at the hotel bar, walked to a nearby lagoon, took off his clothes and jumped in the water. He told investigators other members of the group joined him later, and he never exposed himself.

Skinny-dipping “is a practice I’ve partaken in all my life at my family farm, and I foolishly allowed myself to do it in this setting,” he testified, adding the incident was a “single lapse in judgment.”

A technical sergeant testified McMahon approached a group at the patio bar, asked if anyone wanted to go swimming and dropped his towel before running into the lagoon. Several people followed him.

“I remember just sitting there with my mouth open like I couldn’t believe that,” the sergeant said.

Two complaints of sexual harassment stemmed from the same night, when McMahon was at a military ball.

A female major was standing near McMahon in the food-serving line, and the colonel apparently told her, “Don’t think for a minute that I can’t take that [dress] right off you,” according to the report.

A senior airman told investigators an intoxicated McMahon noticed a birthmark on her upper back and grabbed her.

“I knew he used that as an excuse to put his hand on my back,” she said.

McMahon then flirted with her, which embarrassed her because she didn’t want others to assume they had an inappropriate relationship. His comments included compliments about her low-cut dress.

“He wasn’t making eye contact with me,” she testified. “He was looking other places.”

McMahon told investigators he didn’t remember either of the incidents but admitted to drinking alcohol that night.

Much about McMahon’s relationship with the senior master sergeant was redacted from the report. A few details, though, still are visible.

One airman described seeing McMahon and the senior master sergeant alone in the senior NCO’s office many times. On one occasion, the airman tried to call the senior master sergeant’s office but received no answer. Shortly after making the call, the airman saw McMahon leave.

He was “walking funny down the hall” because “his clothes weren’t on accurate,” she told investigators.

From September 2006 to February 2008, McMahon made more than 175 phone calls — including “numerous” on weekends — to the senior master sergeant.

McMahon told investigators the calls were all in some way work-related. The senior master sergeant disputed the number of calls, claiming McMahon had contacted her “only a few” tines.

Investigators doubted the truthfulness of the senior NCO.

“Surely [the senior master sergeant] would not have forgotten over 175 phone calls that Col. McMahon had made to her over approximately 18 months,” the report stated, “and her response indicated a purposeful avoidance of the issue and a consciousness of guilt.”

TEMPTATION: Men & Women Are Very Different

TEMPTATION: Men & Women Are Very Different

Temptation may be everywhere, but it's how the different sexes react to flirtation that determines the effect it will have on their relationships. In a new study, psychologists determined men tend to look at their partners in a more negative light after meeting a single, attractive woman. On the other hand, women are likelier to work to strengthen their current relationships after meeting an available, attractive man.

Men may not see their flirtations with an attractive woman as threatening to the relationship while women do. Researchers found that women protect their relationship more when an attractive man enters the picture but men look more negatively at their partner after they've met an available, attractive woman. Men can learn to resist temptation when trained to think that flirting with an attractive woman could destroy their relationship, said lead author John E. Lydon, PhD, of McGill University in Montreal.

Researchers conducted seven laboratory experiments using 724 heterosexual men and women to see how college-aged men and women in serious relationships react when another attractive person enters the mix.

In one study, 71 unsuspecting male participants were individually introduced to an attractive woman. Roughly half the men met a "single" woman who flirted with them. The other half met an "unavailable" woman, who simply ignored them.

Immediately after this interaction, the men filled out a questionnaire in which they were asked how they would react if their "romantic partner" had done something that irritated them, such as lying about the reason for canceling a date or revealing an embarrassing tidbit about them. Men who met the attractive "available" woman were 12 percent less likely to forgive their significant others. In contrast, 58 women were put in a similar situation. These women, who met an "available" good-looking man, were 17.5 percent more likely to forgive their partners' bad behavior.

"One interpretation of these studies is that men are unable to ward off temptation. We do not subscribe to this. Instead, we believe men simply interpret these interactions differently than women do," said Lydon. "We think that if men believed an attractive, available woman was a threat to their relationship, they might try to protect that relationship."

Using virtual reality scenarios in the last experiment, the researchers wanted to see if 40 men could learn not to flirt when mingling with attractive women if they formed a plan or strategy beforehand. The researchers prompted half the male subjects in this experiment to visualize being approached by an attractive woman. They were then instructed to write down a strategy to protect their relationship. These men were more likely to distance themselves from an attractive woman in the subsequent virtual reality scenarios.

Lydon says women, on the other hand, don't need to be trained to withhold any reactions when approached by attractive men. "Women have been socialized to be wary of the advances of attractive men," says Lydon. "These findings show that even if a man is committed to his relationship, he may still need to formulate strategies to protect his relationship by avoiding that available, attractive woman. The success rate of such strategies may not be 100 percent but it is likely to be significantly higher than if the man was not made aware of the specific consequences of his actions."

Sleeping On The Couch May Make Our Bond Stronger

Photo: John Vargas

"Sleeping on the Couch"

by Brooke Foster

My husband and I sleep together on a tiny couch. Here's why we left our bed behind. 

I yawn, rest my head on my pillow, roll on my side and close my eyes. "Knee," I say to my husband. He flutters his eyes open and grunts an "I'm sleeping" noise. "Your knee, my love, is jabbing into my back. Can you move it?" As he readjusts his position, he rests his arm on my feet -- Oy, this is even more uncomfortable. I tap my feet against his bicep to get his attention. "Your arm," I tell him. "It's resting on my feet."

"Where else can I put it?" he asks.

The writer and her husband asleep on their couch. Photo: John Vargas

It's a good question. You see, my husband and I sleep head to toe on our sofa. No, not a pull out sofa. We sleep on Crate and Barrel's Petrie mid-century modern style couch, which is pretty much like sleeping in a twin size bed. And it's awful. Every night around 10pm, we take the pillows off the couch, lay down a sheet, put bed pillows at both ends and drape a down comforter over us, which my husband quickly tosses off of him because "it's so hot." (Which makes me too hot because now I have two layers of a down comforter on me.)

Here's the rub: We have a bedroom and a bed with a thousand dollar mattress and super soft flannel sheets. And we never use it. Never.

Because we also have a baby. And he's taken over everything -- our food cabinets are lined with jars of Earths Best pureed carrots, peaches and squash to the point that I can't fit our cereals, pastas and rice. Our living room is cluttered with toys, a Jumperoo, a high chair, an activity table, and many other big, loud, talking and blinking airplanes and choo-choo trains. I even have a Pack N' Play in the middle of my living room -- the sight of which drives me crazy, but it's become a necessity since my 12-month-old is crawling and nearly walking, and sometimes I just need to put him on lock down. (I also store the couch pillows there at night; my husband drapes his clothes on it.)

The writer stores the pillows from her couch in the baby's Pack N' Play. Photo: John Vargas

That's why the baby has gotten the bedroom in our one bedroom apartment. He needs his sleep. We used to sleep next to him, sneaking in the room around eleven each night. But we noticed that he started waking up when we'd come in. He was also needlessly waking us up in the middle of the night -- babies make noise when they sleep: they cough, cry out, toss and turn, or talk to themselves before falling back asleep. But the moment of truth came when Harper learned to stand and peak his almond eyes over the crib railing; he could see us in the bed right next to him. "Da-da-da-da," he'd sing to us before the sun was up.

"I can't do this anymore," my husband declared. "I'm going to start sleeping on the couch."

For awhile I continued to sleep in the bedroom. I'd kiss my husband good night and mournfully head back to the bedroom. But I started to feel like I was married to the baby, not my husband, and it made me kind of depressed. "Just sleep next to me," my husband begged one night, as I got weepy about leaving him on the couch to go to sleep by myself in our bedroom. He reminded me that we slept in a twin bed for a few years in college. "You loved that," he said. "You said it always made us closer."

He was right. I did love sleeping in a twin bed. Still today, we're sometimes forced to share a twin guest bed at a friend or family member's house, and I'll squeal with delight. It means that we get to spoon all night. It always seems that we kiss a little more, just because. A bigger bed can give you so much space that sometimes you can go through a night without touching at all. Many couples don't want to touch each other while they're sleeping, but I actually like it. It makes us feel closer.

While I certainly don't want to sleep on a couch forever, I have to say it's not that awful. It's kind of cute. It kind of feels like we're having a marital sleepover party every night -- we snuggle, we snack, we watch movies and our favorite TV shows, we constantly check the baby monitor, we read our e-readers. We're together.

Photo: John Vargas

"It's time to get out of that apartment," my dad will tell me.

"Why not invest in a pull-out couch?" a friend recently asked.

We're trying. We think we found a house, and if all goes well, we'll be living there in a month. If not, then we'll buy that pull-out couch we've been eyeing at Pottery Barn.

But until then, I'll consider these nights sleeping on the couch together a gift, even if I get a foot in the face more times than I like to admit.