Why Fame Makes Women More Desirable

Why Fame Makes Women More Desirable

BY ANDREW MOORE

• What You Need To Know
• The women on our Top 99 list are objectively beautiful, but there is more to their attractiveness.
• The actresses on the list allow men to indulge in broad sexual archetyping.
• A woman's fame can act as a stand-in for men's ambitions of status.

"Surely part of the reason famous women are so attractive is that they’re desired by so many other men."

Now that you’ve studied and scrutinized every entry on our 2011 list of the Top 99 Women, we’d like to take a moment to consider what it is about these women that drives us so crazy. Sure, there’s the obvious answer: Famous women are hot. In fact, one might argue that their hotness is precisely the reason they’re famous. Being attractive seems like a prerequisite for a woman to break into the music, movie or modeling industries.
 
Here, however, we’d like to advance a contrarian argument. We submit that celebrities aren’t famous because they’re hot; rather, they’re hot because they’re famous. Preposterous? Maybe. But we’re not so sure. Let’s examine why fame makes women more desirable.

Beauty Or Rarity?

Of course the women on our Top 99 list are beautiful. You’d give your right eye for a night with Christina Hendricks or Natalie Portman. But isn’t their beauty magnified by how unattainable they are?

Think about that unrequited love you suffered through in college. Remember the pain and heartache you endured when you couldn’t have the object of your desire? Doesn’t it stand to reason that our desire for beautiful celebrities is partly due to the fact that we know we’ll never have them?

Competition

Consider too that men are also motivated by competition. It’s in our genes. Competition is what drives us as a species. We want what other men have, and we want what others tell us we can’t have -- yet another reason fame makes women more desirable.

Surely part of the reason famous women are so attractive is that they’re desired by so many other men. We want Sofia Vergarabecause everyone else wants her too.

Variety

Actresses and models are also expert chameleons. That’s their job. They wouldn’t be where they are if they weren’t able to be variously sultry, shy, aggressive, innocent, quirky, and adorable. Is this another reason fame makes women more desirable?

Men do like variety; that’s why fidelity can sometimes be so challenging. We like the idea of swapping the pixie for the bombshell, trading in the vamp for the girl next door. Well, an actress can be all of those things at once. Someone like Mila Kunis is simultaneously the bitchy-but-hot girl from That 70’s Show and the sultry ballerina from Black Swan. In other words, we’re turned on by the prospect of variety, and women who work in the performing arts are necessarily variable. Part of what we love about famous women, then, is that they simultaneously represent so many of our fantasies.

What else about fame makes women so attractive?

The women you actually encounter during the course of a day are too three-dimensional and too complicated to be reduced to an archetype."

Sexual Archetypes

And while we’re on the subject, let’s ponder fantasies for a second. The fact is, most male sexual fantasies are pretty traditional. The vast majority of us respond to a very limited number of sexual archetypes: the good girl, the bad girl, the older woman, and so on. When it comes to desire, we’re not actually that creative. Advertisers, writers, producers, and other creative professionals know this about men, and they exploit it. 

Celebrity women are presented to us in a way that will tap into these deep-seated sexual fantasies. Katy Perry, for instance, comes packaged as the classic beach bunny. Britney Spears first grabbed our attention as a naughty schoolgirl. Christina Hendricks entered the popular consciousness as a sexy secretary. Part of what makes these women so desirable, then, is not just that they’re physically attractive, but that the roles they play and the costumes they put on are designed specifically to channel those sexual archetypes. 

Famous women can do this in a way that regular women can’t. The women you actually encounter during the course of a day are too three-dimensional and too complicated to be reduced to an archetype. That makes it harder for us to assimilate them into our conventional fantasy scripts.

We Desire Fame Ourselves

Of course, another reason famous women are so desirable is that fame itself is attractive. Men fantasize about status and prestige all the time. We want to be respected, liked and admired. Is it possible that a famous woman is merely a physical embodiment (albeit a very sexy physical embodiment) of the status and prestige we strive for or fantasize about in our everyday lives? Maybe these women are somehow stand-ins for the status we desire. Maybe it's fame, not Adriana Lima, that we secretly lust after. 

Deeper Than Beauty

We recognize that every woman on our list is objectively very beautiful. So the fact that we’re attracted to them isn’t a mystery. All we’re suggesting is that our desires might be more complex than they initially seem. Maybe it’s not just the physical form of these women that draws our attention -- maybe it’s something they represent.

5 Quick Fixes Every Relationship Needs

By following a few relationship musts — simple gestures that often get overlooked — you and your sweetheart will up the "wow" factor in no time.

By Chris Iliades, MD

Medically reviewed by Lindsey Marcellin, MD, MPH

Have you and your partner been together for ages — or are you still sailing along in the honeymoon phase? No matter how long you’ve been a twosome, it’s always smart to take a step back from your relationship to give it a tune-up.

In fact, all relationships need TLC. Without it, partners get lazy and the spark dies out, says Irina Firstein, LCSW, a New York City relationship counselor who has doled out relationship advice to couples for over 20 years.

Her best advice? "Try to remember what attracted you to your partner in the beginning of your relationship. Feel it again and keep it fresh in your mind."

Here, Firstein offers five no-fail tips for recharging your relationship.

Try a Little Tenderness

Here’s a rule of thumb that seems like a no-brainer, but often gets forgotten in the rush of daily life: Be nice to each other! It’s all too easy to take your partner for granted and get wrapped up in kids and work, says Firstein. Instead, try this: Take a moment every day to pay your partner a compliment. "Go out of your way to make your partner feel special and important," she says.

Chit-Chat More

One piece of relationship advice all experts agree on? Communication is key. When was the last time you went out of your way to have a real conversation with your partner — one that you didn't rush through? "Have a genuine interest in every aspect of your mate's life the way you did when you first met and started dating,” says Firstein. “Ask questions and really listen to what they have to say. Be interested in how they feel and what they think."

Add Oomph to Your ‘Thank You’

Do you remember the last time you told your honey how much you appreciate him? A healthy relationship is a blessing, so say thanks with both words and with deeds. If your wife usually gets home from work late, surprise her one night with a homemade, late-night meal. If your husband is usually in charge of yard duty, give him the day off and get out there with the mower yourself.

Abandon Your Comfort Zone

You don’t have to splurge on the expensive or the exotic — any change of pace can be good for a relationship that has gotten into a rut. "If you are in a routine as a couple, just do something totally new and different. Trying new things always sparks something unexpected," says Firstein. It could be as simple as going to a new restaurant or going to a concert instead of watching a movie on your own sofa. Instead of eating breakfast with the kids, have breakfast in bed. Instead of watching the news, go for an evening walk.

And Don’t Forget to Have Sex Tonight!

Remember: Romance is one of the most important parts of intimacy. Look for unexpected ways to show your sexual interest. "Try acting like you can't keep your hands off each other," suggests Firstein. Plan a special breakfast in bed or take a shower together. And if you are a couple with kids, it is crucial to have some private time. "Why not get away for a weekend together, even if it is just at a hotel down the street?" says Firstein.

Can you remember why you fell in love in the first place? Then you’re off to a great start.

You're 31 And Your New Girlfriend Is Pregnant

Adult Adolescence: You're 31 And Your New Girlfriend Is Pregnant

BY DAVID WYGANT

• Better Man in brief ...
• Using the pull-out method will eventually fail.
• If she's pregnant, be honest with yourself: Do you want this child?
• Do not panic if she's pregnant. Talk it through to make the best decision.

"To you, sex with a condom is awful. "

Just when you thought adolescence was gone for good and that you were now and forever an adult who gets to enjoy all the benefits of adulthood, something tough and hard-to-handle happens that throws you right back into adolescence.

Adult adolescence refers to the constant process of maturing that can happen at any time in your life -- whether you're an 18-year-old entering the world on your own for the first time, a 25-year-old starting to map out the rest of your life or a divorced 40-year-old who finds himself living the single life again.

For over 11 years, I’ve been giving sex and relationship advice to men all over the country to help them lead more successful lives. I’ve experienced the same stages of adult adolescence in my life that you have. Whether it’s looking forward, backward or at what’s happening in your life right now, hopefully I can offer some guidance by examining the difficult times of transition in our lives.

It Can Happen To You

You're 31 years old and starting to make some money. Things are looking up in the world. You've also finally figured women out. It's a great feeling to finally have figured out women, isn't it? You're starting to date the women you really like and enjoy. The 20s are over. You're done with that emotional roller coaster. You're the man right now.

So now you've met and started dating this beautiful woman. Things are going great. The sex is hot and passionate. You think you've become a master at birth control. You swear by the pull-outmethod because condoms just don't work for you. You don't like using condoms because you can't feel it -- the warmth and her muscles contracting when she orgasms. To you, sex with a condom is awful.

Now this beautiful woman you're dating is over at your place. You guys think you're in love, and it's fantastic. She has told you over and over again when you're having sex, "Please, pull out. Please, pull out. My sister is very fertile." You say, "No problem. I have complete control."

When you're having sex with a woman, you really want her to orgasm, and you want to feel the contractions when she does. So you're panting and pumping as you feel her getting close. She says, "Baby, I'm about to cum." So you let her cum and you do pull out.

The problem is, there's always just that little itty-bitty bit that might have sneaked in, because in the heat of passion you think the orgasm started when you pulled out -- but it might have started when you were still inside her. You can never be 100% sure.

A couple of weeks later, she comes over, crying. You're thinking to yourself that this is the first emotional breakthrough for her. Well, in a way it is, because what she is about to deliver to you are the two words no man wants to hear.

“I’m Pregnant”

They are the two words that will absolutely shatter your existence, whether you want it or not. She looks directly into your eyes and says the two words that make a man's heart go into palpitations, and makes him want to call his doctor the very next day. She tells you, "I'm pregnant."

She's pregnant. What do you do now?

Well you could do what I've done in my life, and panic. Or, you can just man up.

This is one of the biggest decisions of your life, because at this moment you need to look at this woman and think to yourself, "Do I want to spend the rest of my life with this person?"

What do you do if you're 31 and your new girlfriend is pregnant? That's next...

The woman will respect you much more in the long run if you are honest with yourself and with her..."

A Shared Decision

You’ll need to explore all the options with this pregnancy, depending on your religious and personal beliefs.

The option you want might be to abort, and the option she wants might be to keep the baby. If that is the option she wants, you're going to have to explore other options. If she decides she wants to keep the baby, and you decide you don't want the baby, then you're going to have to decide if you want to be a part of this package or not.

What if she decides she doesn't want to have this child, but you want to have the baby? It's her body, guys, so she gets to decide whether or not she will keep it.

Once a woman gets pregnant, though, she usually goes into mother mode right away. She defends, protects and honors that child. You can say to yourself that it's just a fetus and isn't a person yet, but women don't see it that way because it's in their body.

So she'll protect this child, and you're going to have to make one of the toughest decisions of your adult adolescence. You're going to have to decide if you want to commit to this woman you've been dating for maybe only three or four months.

Stop Panicking And Man Up

At this point in your adult adolescence, you need to not panic. Try to really think things through. If you can't imagine a life with her and you have other things you want to do, then it's not a bad thing to be a father from a distance. It's better to be a father from a distance, and give your kid lots of love when you're with them, than to be in a situation that you do not want.

If you wake up every day next to a woman who has a baby you didn't want, you're never going to be able to fake a relationship with her. The minute that kid hollers in the middle of the night, spits up on your brand new shirt or on the backseat of your BMW, you are either going to love it or not.

So, these decisions are huge! My advice? Be 100% honest with yourself and only listen to yourself.

Listen To Yourself

Oh, believe me, there will be criticisms coming at you from all directions, no matter what decision you make. You'll have some friends who tell you that you have to man up and get married. Other people will tell you that if you decide to be a dad from a distance, you are the scum of the earth.

The truth, though, is that you only need to answer to yourself. Don't judge yourself. Decide what you are going to do, and then accept it.

Don't say you want to start a family with her if you don't. The woman will respect you much more in the long run if you are honest with yourself and with her, than if you fake something you don't really want with her.

Welcome to one of the toughest times of your adult adolescence.

A New Type of Guys' Night Out

'Dadchelor Parties' Celebrate First Time Fathers

David Hellmann, a medical device sales manager from Chicago, is planning a celebration for a friend this coming August. The two of them, along with several male friends, will meet in Cincinnati, possibly catch a Reds game and then go on a pub-crawl through the city. This might sound familiar, but no one's getting married. It isn't a bachelor party; it's a dadchelor party.

Daddymoon, man-shower, whatever you want to call it: the practice of hosting a blowout akin to a bachelor party for expectant fathers is catching on.

"I've been on three or four of them," said Hellmann, 29, referring to what his friends call "dadelor parties" (dadchelor party is in Urban Dictionary, while dadelor party is not, but it does seem to roll off the tongue better without the "ch").

Some permutations are more subdued, like a "diaper keg" where men bring diapers in exchange for beer, while others are more extravagant and involve all day bar-hopping or even a destination weekend. All seem to involve drinking, sporting events, gambling, and more drinking.

"Let's have one more night where responsible decisions don’t matter," Hellman explained.

Hellmann's group of friends follows some general guidelines for each celebration: the future father does not pay for drinks all day, and they allow a cushion of at least one month before the baby's arrival.

"You don’t want to have the dad be on a bar crawl when the wife goes into labor," Hellmann explained.

Neil Kennedy, 29, who works in sales and is also from Chicago, recently returned from a dadchelor party in Milwaukee. He described the event as a "farewell from the inner circle."

The group went to a Brewers game, several bars, and then to a casino and eventually closed out the night at a late night gyro joint where the dad-to-be bumped elbows with the rapper Lil Jon (his hands were full of gyros).

Later, back at the hotel, one drunk member of the group jumped on the hotel lobby desk and imitated Greenbay Packers player Aaron Rodgers after he scores a touchdown.

"It completely freaked out the receptionist," Kennedy said.

When the hotel threatened to call security, the group decided it was time to depart for their rooms.

"I actually couldn't believe his wife was letting him go," said Nate Berghoff, 28, who works in also sales and was on the trip. "When I told my girlfriend she was like 'Yea, you won’t be doing that.'"

When asked about any exchanges of fatherly advice at these parties, Berghoff replied, "None at all!"

So what's behind the rise of the dadchelor party?

Carley Roney, editor in chief of TheBump.com, a website for expectant mothers and new moms, said she suspects they are a response to changes in parenting norms. Based on what she knows from the site's community forum and from those in the baby industry, such dad-centered celebrations seem to have taken off in the last year or two.

"In the (19)50s it all fell on the girls," Roney said. "Now, it's a shared responsibility. Guys are just as overwhelmed by the thought of how much their lives are going to change. This is the antidote to that, the hedge against it."

According to Roney, also at play is the fact that both men and women are having their first children later. Data from the National Center for Health Statistics shows that the average age for first time motherhood in 1970 was 21.4. By the year 2000 it was 24.9 and it crept up further to 25.1 in 2008 (statistics for first time fathers are not available).

Because couples have had more time to enjoy the luxuries of uninterrupted sleep or a last minute trip to the beach, Roney theorized that panic is more likely to accompany impending parenthood. In addition, she argued that the challenges of parenting weren't spoken of amongst previous generations. Now?

"People are like, 'You wouldn’t believe it: you're not going to get any sleep and you're never going to have sex again,'" Roney said. "The picture of parenthood that's been painted is so dire, it seems like you do need a last night of freedom."

Roney suggested that the phenomenon of the babymoon—a final vacation a couple takes before having a child—can be explained in much the same way.

Bradford Wilcox, director of the National Marriage Project, suspects dadelor parties could in part be explained by the fathers' fears about how the baby's arrival will affect his relationship to his spouse.

"When babies come along, it tends to make a much more dramatic shift in the wife's focus," Wilcox said. "It's to some degree traumatic for your average husband."

Though he didn't advocate dadelor parties specifically, Wilcox said research suggests that bringing friends together in similar phases of life is something positive.

"They're more likely to succeed in marriages if they have friends going through parenthood at the same time," Wilcox said. "It's a lot easier if you can commiserate amongst friends."

Brian Podvia, 28, who owns the Philadelphia travel agency JetSetPilot, says he's seen an increase over the last couple of years in bookings for what his friends call "daddymoons," several of which he has been on himself.

"At the end of the day, it's the last time to see your friends before you have responsibilities with the baby," Podvia said. "You know, as a parent you can't do these kinds of things anymore."

Though previous destinations included Atlantic City, last March, Podvia's group of friends upped the ante and spent six days at an all-inclusive resort in Riviera Maya, Mexico. The men are in their late 20s, but still took advantage of the dawning of Spring Break season in nearby Cancun and hit up some clubs. Back at their hotel, they stormed the stage at a Michael Jackson look-alike contest.

"At this point, we need any excuse to get out as a group, just guys, so we can have fun like the old days," Podvia said.

According to Podvia, the trips he takes with his friends have been innocent enough, barring the occasional hiccup, like someone falling asleep in a hotel lobby, getting kicked out of the same bar twice in one day, or the whole group getting kicked out of a baseball game (all of which happened during a trip to Pittsburgh in May of last year).

No one has ever been arrested, and the worst it ever got was someone temporarily going missing, also in Pittsburgh.

"I'm not naming names," Podiva said, "but he called me at about 3am and said 'Hey, I'm in Ohio, can someone get me?'"