Don't Ever Fuck Your Boss

Don't Ever Fuck Your Boss  

Dear Audrey,

What is your opinion on office romance? A month ago, the partner overseeing my project (my boss) came to a routine client meeting. She was wearing a summer dress — this is an important part of the story because during the meeting I looked over and accidentally took a peek. Let it be known that summer dresses are cut in a way that a side view shows everything on top. Normally, I would have quickly looked away, but my eyes stayed a millisecond too long. I know that she knows I was looking, because she moved her hand up to her neck to block the opening. I promptly looked away.

Since that time, we have been exchanging friendly banter, which I would definitely construe as flirting. I have a lot of respect for her, and she is attractive. How do you ask your boss out? Do I wait for her to ask me out? Or do I just wait until the holiday party and hope we both get drunk?

Ok friend, even though this isn’t really my beat since that is clearly a relationship question and not a sex question, I’ll make an exception because DON’T FUCK YOUR BOSS EVER. Ever ever ever ever. Seriously, don’t fuck your boss. I know you’re going to anyway, if you get the chance, but it’s such a terrible idea. And I know someone’s going to write in and be like “I fucked my boss and we just celebrated our 500th wedding anniversary surrounded by our 15,000 beloved children, so there,” to which I can only say shut up boss-fucker, nobody cares what you think.

Do I even need to explain why this is such a bad idea? If for whatever reason she at some point becomes not your boss — even if she’s still higher up in the company or something but just isn’t your direct boss — go ahead, ask her out politely and then fuck her till you’re out of fucking, but until that time, please don’t fuck your boss. Also, a little bonus advice for you gents out there: generally, looking down a lady’s shirt is not considered flirting. It is considered being a creep.

PS: Don’t fuck your boss.




Dear Audrey, 

I, like many non-old, non-fat, non-weird women, sometimes wear Spanx under my clothes. Which I am at peace with. But if I go home with a dude, it’s like we’re making out and all of a sudden I have to wrestle off full-body support hose. Awkward! What’s my best option here?

Kinda makes you wish people still did that whole “Let me slip into something more… comfortable” thing, eh? Ladytron, I feel your pain. There are some outfits that are greatly improved by a really fugly foundation garment. You can wear that shit and still be a feminist, is what I’ve decided. But there is no way to be slinky about getting those fuckers off. The way I see it, you’ve got three options: 1. When you get to the makeout place, go to the bathroom and take it off, stuff it in a purse or something. 2. Just live with having to spastically yank it off, and hope that the dude is hip/drunk enough not to make fun of you. 3. Fuck through that weird crotch hole that they leave in the bottom of the Spanx — as though anyone is going to use that to pee, c’mon guys. There’s not really an ideal solution, I don’t think. But I will use this opportunity to raise awareness: dudes, and ladies who don’t wear those things, it is officially no longer weird or sad to wear them. Oprah and Jessica Alba said so, and also, fuck you, some people are lumpier than others. You’re welcome.

Are you a Workaholic or Do you just Love your Job?

Are you a Workaholic or Do you just Love your Job?

Doc Livingstone-  Team Shrink

Have you ever wondered if you are a workaholic or if you just really love your job? Contemplating this question and others related to it while physically exercising will help you discover the answers to these inquiries. When you are working out, the brain chemistry changes and the endorphins kick in. This increases your sense of self-confidence and your willingness to face extremely difficult and highly important life issues.

Let's check out the different facets of workaholics:

A workaholic doesn't necessarily even like her job. She puts in a lot of hours and is always available to her supervisors-night and day. This is a common practice and almost all her friends are in the same pressure cooker. It is not unusual to answer the phone or respond to electronic messages while you are in the middle of a meal. She is defined by her employment because her job is where she spends the most time each week. She has little time to raise her family or develop relationships with friends or partners. Her job has become a means of survival and becoming a workaholic-working 24/7, worrying about deadlines, and obsessing about how the boss feels about her has somehow become the expectation.

The workaholic doesn't feel that she has any options to this overly stressful lifestyle. If she is to pay or help assist with the mortgage and put food on the table, there doesn't seem to be any alternative to working 80 to 100 hours per week. There are many of us who don’t have a choice here; there are no other employment options that will pay the high cost of housing, childcare and gasoline.

She can plan to eventually get off this treadmill and find work that is more nurturing and exciting. She can think about bonding with other families to help out with child care and find the time to go back to school to focus on a job that will eventually pay the bills and be emotionally fulfilling.

There is another type of workaholic that doesn't spend most of his waking hours on the job for survival reasons. He does so in order to escape other parts of life he is fearful of. He is often afraid of intimate relationships and of being rejected. Working all the time will enable him to hide from this pain. He is not a happy individual or a complacent one. He is bored much of the time, but would rather be uninterested than scared.

The woman who just loves her job discusses her work tasks with exuberance and she doesn't mind working odd hours occasionally because her work causes such joy in her life. She is creative, eats well and exercises regularly. She has close family ties and friendships. She feels the best is yet to come.

8 Ways to Determine if you are a Workaholic or Just Love your Job:

Go for a walk or jog for 30 minutes and think about these issues:

• If you are working long hours and hate every aspect of it, you are a workaholic.
• If you are always preoccupied with your job and don’t pay attention to others talking to you, you are a workaholic.
• If you work extended hours and you feel that you are just going through the motions, you are a workaholic.
• If you work through lunch and don’t eat, avoid exercise and relax by utilizing substances, you are a workaholic and perhaps an alcoholic or drug addict.

• If you are excited to go to work most mornings, you just love your job.
• If you thinking about your work gives you pleasure, you just love your job.
• If you are connecting with others and living in the present, you just love your job.
• If you work long hours and find this process fulfilling, you just love your job.

After you have completed your workout, write down your thoughts and feelings. You may come to accept that you are a workaholic and make plans to change your life style. These plans can be addressed during your next workouts.

Exercising regularly, asking yourself questions regarding workaholisim, and writing about it are huge step towards recovering from this infliction.

Doc Livingstone