How to Spot a Kiss Ass
Born to Kiss Ass
From a very early age it is some times possible to tell that some children are born to lead and that some are born to follow, The leaders are the children in the playground who delegate the roles during gameplay of the other children at recess and the followers are the ones who carry out the role delegated to them during the course of the game.
The Leader is a self confident child who takes control of any situation with efficiency, diplomacy and tact, the leader very quckly earns the respect of their peers.
The Follower looks up to the leader with respect and and will allow the leader to guide them within reason.
There is one more type of child to be found in the playground he/she could be classed as a follower but with a slight difference the Ass Kisser will follow the leader and the follower, trying to please everyone trying to be everyone in the groups friend, yet this person would stab you in the back for a little bit of praise from someone higher in the pecking order than you. these people are often referred to as a brown noser in the work place because their heads are so far up the bosses ass that their nose has turned brown.
How to Spot an Ass Kisser at School
School is a place of learning it's where we learn to read and write, we learn science and mathematics as well as a whole host of other subjects, the results of which help us to enrich our minds and further our future career prospects when we start making our own way in the world.
Some things that we learn in school though are not taught to us in any class room, things that stand us in good stead for our whole lives and make us more aware of the people around us.
we learn who we can or cannot trust, who we can be friends with who to stay away from, we quickly learn who the bullies are and most importantly who the ass kissers.
At school the Ass Kisser is easy to spot, trying too hard to become friends with everyone, they bring candy into school to share with everyone and they bring an apple in for the teacher every morning.
The first week or so is great you are getting candy for nothing and your new friend will do anything to please you, they will play the games that you want to play, go where you want to go and talk with whoever you want to talk too, they seem like the perfect friend until you break one of the school rules, if you drop a candy wrapper on the ground they run off and tell the teacher about your devious crime spree and you get into trouble for it whilst it makes them look good infront of the teacher.
The strange thing about it is after they have reported your offence they try to make it up to you by giving you more candy, asking you to play your favorite game or even giving you one of their favorite toys in the hope that you will remain their friend.
At school Ass Kissers lose friends very quickly and in the end up they become spies for the teachers, reporting every infraction by students that they see, having lost respect from the students they hope to earn it from the teachers who secretly hate them because of their constand tattle tales.
How to Spot an Ass Kisser at Work
By the time they have left the academical life the Ass kisser is a more devious person altogether and their brown nosing has become an art form.
Spotting the brown noser in the work place is a little more difficult, their tactics have completely changed, they have learned the act of stealth tactics and how to manipulate people to believe that they are a true friend or ally. most importantly they have learned how to disagree with your views in situations where you will not be offended therefore you still think of them as a friend.
The first day that you start a new job, people want to know more about you, what you did before, where you come from, your hobbies and interests if you have any common aquaintancies and so forth.
The ass Kisser tends to share the same hobbies and interests as you and always has the same sort of background as you came from, quick thinkers they come up with a story which resembles your life but with a few embelishments that will make you feel a little sympathetic toward them, for example they would say that they went to the same school as you but they hated it because they were being constantly bullied.
The Ass Kisser at work is a listener more than a talker so much so that you begine to confide in them sharing your thoughts about your co-workers and your superiors why you like this person why you dont like another,what you think of the job and ideas that that you have come up with to improve the productivity of the workplace.
The brown noser then uses his skills by telling the biggest gossip in the workplace what you have said about your co-workers and superiors and the rumours begin about you. if you ask the kiss ass how they found out they will deny everything claiming that you must have been over heard by someone and that things that the ass kisser said to you were also the talk of the workplace.
The ass kissing brown noser will then talk with the management telling them your ideas of how to increase productivity, claiming your ideas as their own, this is normally the time that you find out their true colors, the management lavish the ass kissing brown noser with the praise and the respect that the ass kisser craves so much. the ass kissing brown noser suddenly finds that they have no more time for you and moves on to the next victim.
99.9% of the time you will find a Photograph of the ass kissing brown noser proudly displayed in the works canteen as Employee of the Month.