Friday, March 11, 2011

The fine line between being Friendly and Flirting

The fine line between being Friendly and Flirting

I am in total lost when trying to differentiate between being friendly and being flirtatious (easy). I have been a friendly person all my life, ask my friends and they will second that without a doubt. And, most of them know I am not a flirtatious type of woman, ask the men and they will agree to that.

Why am I feeling lost and why dwell about the subject of being friendly and flirtation? Well, the thing is migrating to a different and new country creates such big different & impact in culture that it may just left you senseless and lost like a big bang on your head that shoots out the brain cell to a nearby wall!

Just recently I have been having conversation or you can say discussion with a closed colleague about not portraying as being easy at work environment. Well, I wouldn’t say that we are that close thought but close enough to have such conversation without feeling offended in many ways.

Anyway, as I was saying, we were discussing about ‘being easy’ in women. After learning everything about it, the ways or speech, words and gestures in this culture that may come by as being easy or flirting left me flabbergasted!

Discussion points out as follows:-

Just for instance, if I am reciprocating a smile or laughing at their (men) jokes and that could be sending some signals of signs of interest that it can be an indication of flirtation. Then again, it totally depends on the friendship you have with the other party.

Then, if reciprocate their gaze or stare, lingering gaze, that could also be some sign of flirting.

Being Malaysian, we joke about everything. We smiled back when people smiled at us, we laugh at the jokes we shared and all of that is just plain friendship or being friendly! We even smiled back when people gives us lingering gaze (not the “I want to kill you or rape you type”!).

It’s funny how our (Malaysian) gestures and words will create such ‘misunderstanding’ towards Australian if we do not hold ourselves well or explain before or after we’ve said / jokes on something. Just for instance, Australian can just use this freely without any meaning “hey love, please give me a hand” to anybody or any age without getting into trouble. But I bet if that sentence is being use in Malaysia, it would create a whole new meaning that it should be!

I think, I would want to create a list that “I am just being friendly gestures” so that people will understand me better.

  1. If I am interested and friendly with other guys, that doesn’t mean I am deliberately flirting but I am truly interested in them in general but never personal (weather, food, music, social, wife, kids, partner) and will maintain it as it is even if there is some cases it might get too personal
  2. I am not bragging but I do have a sparkling smile (not the teeth) and if I do smile that way sometimes, that doesn’t mean that I am giving flirtatious vibes here
  3. I may make eye contact with any guy and look away or return the gaze again but never, I say never is that mean I am giving you the flirtatious eye behavior as I might be thinking or wondering or checking if the ‘broken gaze’ hurts your feeling and thus the return gaze.
  4. Now, I can take any jokes and so can I share many jokes. The jokes can go up to a level of dirty jokes but usually it will never get too personal! Unless I am with a very close friend for many years, perhaps I can make joke of the other parts. LOL. But that’s it.
  5. I will always hint I am attached whenever I meet someone new, friend, colleague or whomever. Just to play it safer I would always ‘remind’ the guys about their partner and ask about them together all the time.
  6. I am never a touchy person although I do WHACK people at the arm whenever they tried to tease or make a fool out of me, but nothing more.
  7. I will back off subtle-ly if there is any attempt to invade my personal space, if we stand nearby or in anything!
  8. I will compliment you on many things but that doesn’t meant I am trying to catch your heart as I do mean it when I say it. I am genuine appreciating something thus the compliments.
  9. Well, I am just trying to get along in this world and I am genuinely a friendly person, and nothing more.

Has anyone encountered misunderstanding at work or anywhere ???

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