Polyamory: Just the three (or four) of us
We can't escape Charlie Sheen lately, which got us wondering. Sheen's got two ladies living with him.
New "Dancing With the Stars" contestant Kendra Wilkerson was once one of three women living with Hugh Hefner.
So is polyamory - being in an intimate relationship where you know you're not the only girlfriend/boyfriend - becoming more accepted? Do these relationships work?
Pamela says: Yeah, polyamory works if you're young or if you're a celebrity living on the wild side. But not for very long.
I'll give you a woman's perspective. When I was in my early 20s, I wasn't thinking long-term when it came to dating. I was having fun. That's what you should do when you're young.
The two girlfriends - excuse me "goddesses" - living with Sheen are in 23 and 24, according to recent reports. They're probably not thinking about getting married or having children of their own. They're just having a good time. Is Sheen going to end up marrying one of them? I doubt it.
He said himself, "These women don't judge me. ... They don't lead with opinion. They don't lead with their own needs all the time," Sheen told the media last week.
That means they let him get away with anything and everything he wants.
A mature woman who wanted a real relationship would say, "Charlie, I'm nobody's side dish. By the way, shut up and take out the garbage."
And even celebrities eventually get tired of sharing.
Wilkerson was sharing Hef with Holly Madison and Bridget Marquardt when she was 20. At 25, she's married with a kid.
The Midwest girl in me thinks that eventually, either one or two things happen in a polyamorous relationship: Someone gets tired of partying and leaves willing or he/she gets traded in for a newer model.
But hey, maybe I'm a stick in the mud. So I talked with relationship expert Roy Sheppard, author of the book "How to be the One" and he had a different take.
"I don't think it matters if there's two, three or even four people involved in a relationship," he said.
Sheppard's philosophy is, if it makes you happy, and you're an honest, respectful, consenting adult, why not?
Yes, problems will arise in these relationships, but monogamous relationships aren't perfect either - if they were, he said, divorce wouldn't be so common.
Still, Sheppard said, don't look at Sheen as the model of successful polyamory.
"He's a man that doesn't understand the concept of enough."
Damon says: Charlie Sheen is a one-man carnival. It's become apparent recently that his best trick is juggling buxom, 20-something blondes, porn stars and sound bite-laced interviews. It's gotta be. Everyone keeps buying tickets for his shows.
This must be what tiger blood does for you. I have no real clue about it, polyamory or open relationships, save for that they are becoming more common every day. But I can't knock Charlie or those people who engage in these kind of relationships. That's your life's lot. Just know that I'm not looking to park there.
I don't consider them to be the safest relationships. The more people you involve yourself with at once, the more risk you accept when it comes to sexually transmitted diseases and, in general, potential breaches of trust. That's not the way I choose to live.
Sure, open relationships can work. I'm certain that they have their benefits - like never running into that issue of being bored with sexing the same person again and again. But really, it's hard enough trying to stay STD-free and maintaining trust in one person. Why in the world would you want to juggle two or more?
Two heads may be better than one, but in this case, three-plus heads - all of which will likely be influenced by feelings -can't possibly be better than two. That's my logic.
But then again, I don't have tiger blood (and I've never been a good juggler). I'm assuming that if I did (and was), I'd be winning somewhere with a couple of model-like, live-in blondes fawning over me like groupies. More power to those of you who can live your lives that way.