Saturday, March 5, 2011

My Husband Gets Jealous about Dumb Things

My Husband Gets Jealous about Dumb Things

My husband claims that he’s not the jealous type. But he is SO jealous. And it’s dumb because I’m always at home. I’ve been at home for 6 years working nonstop at my computer. I have three children. I do stuff like change diapers and wash laundry–the few occasions when I go out, I don’t see that there is any reason to be jealous. But BOY does my husband get all nervous.  Especially if I am at a social function that men are also attending, such as a work party…And heaven forbid that there is alcohol at the function. SERIOUSLY, what am I going to do at a work party? Get drunk and make out with one of the guys there? COME ON.
Okay, but my husband is totally deathly jealous. What does he do when he’s jealous? Nothing really. He doesn’t accuse me of anything. He doesn’t even ask questions. He just gets all quiet and irritable and keeps insisting he’s not jealous. Then he’ll make un-funny jokes about the thing he’s claiming not to be jealous over. This is highly annoying, so obviously, I avoid it whenever possible.
BUT once recently, I made a few decisions that lead to a rather precarious situation that made my husband VERY jealous and probably quite angry. This was when I attended this meeting at work, and after the meeting there was a social gathering–most people, including me, stayed.
Problem #1: I was rushed all day, and I didn’t have time to eat anything. So, by the social thing at 6pm, still no food.
Problem #2: One of my female colleagues brought me a glass of wine.
I don’t really drink. Nothing against drinking. I used to drink wine and stuff, but I’m really short, so at some point, I noticed that EVERY time I drink, even if I drink a tiny bit, I get really drunk. And then I start giggling, and then I start chain smoking. See, at about age 25, that started feeling like a total waste of time. (Why giggle and chainsmoke when I could be doing something?) Anyway, when my female coworker brought me the glass of wine, for some reason, I thought, “Oh, it’s been so long since I’ve had red wine, I’m sure I can drink a ton of it without getting giggly and chain smoking NOW.”
That was so stupid. I drank half the glass of wine, and I was tipsy. And since I was tipsy, I kept drinking anyway and not really thinking it through…Before long, I got pretty drunk.
Problem #3: I started talking to this male coworker (not Hot Boss, don’t worry. Won’t go anywhere near him when drunk, no siree). We were discussing this aspect of our work I want to learn more about. (This is true. I have no interest in that male coworker, though he’s nice, and I guess probably many people would call him attractive–whatever, he was talking about this aspect of work, and I was really interested in what he was saying.)
Problem #4: So this is kind of funny. When he and I started talking, there were a million people in the room where we were standing. It’s a work area, so tons of people are always in there. But somehow they all disappeared to other places. But I was drunk, so I didn’t notice this.
Problem #5: My husband called me on my cell phone because he’d come to pick me up–but I didn’t answer the phone. I thought oh, it’s okay, he can wait a minute or two while I gather my things, then I’ll just go to the car…So no reason to answer the phone. So I kept listening to what my male coworker was saying about this work topic. Also I was a little giggly.
Then as I’m giggling, holding this glass of red wine, staring at this attractive male coworker in a room with NO other people (which due to the odd lighting, was rather dark by the way), in walks my husband to pick me up. Ha ha! As soon as he surveyed this little scene, he looked like he wanted to hurt someone. (Remember, he already looks scary as is. When he’s jealous, you don’t want to see him.) But, he didn’t say anything. He just asked me if I was ready, and I said I’ll be right there. He went back to his car, and I wrapped up this conversation with my coworker, and went outside to join my husband.
OH MY GOSH. He was so mad that he didn’t speak to me the whole way home. (I, however, was very chatty and talked to him the ENTIRE ride.) I knew he felt jealous, but what could I do? Talk, of course, to make him feel better. Also I REALLY needed a smoke…but there was none to be found in my husband’s car.
I know the scene looked a little suspicious, but give me a break. It’s not like I was holding hands with someone or sitting on his lap. I was TALKING to a guy. See, this is what happens when you work at home all the time on your computer, never drink alcohol, and give up chain smoking. You go to ONE work party, end up in dark room with a man, giggle at a joke he tells, delay answering your husband’s cell phone calls, and suddenly you’re treated like a huge cheater. Goodness.

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