Saturday, April 30, 2011

Answer to a Dull Sex Life? Beads

'Forty Beads': Revitalize Your Marriage (and Sex Life) With Beads and a Bowl

Friday, April 29, 2011

Do women like porn as much as men?

Do women like porn as much as men?
By Ian Kerner

If you’d asked me this question a couple of years ago, I would have said “no.” But the times they are a-changing: just as female infidelity is on the rise, women are catching up to the guys in other ways, too - including a propensity for porn.
As a sex therapist and founder of the website Good in Bed, here’s what I’m observing:

– More couples are enjoying porn together, with women often taking the lead in choosing the material.
– More women are using porn to get themselves in the mood for sex or to enjoy their sexuality on their own.
– More women are using porn to learn new sexual techniques or to explore sexually adventurous situations.
– More women are using porn to satisfy a general curiosity about sex overall, and
– More women are comfortable and confident in asserting their opinions on the subject.
In short, women are increasingly using porn for pretty much the same reasons (and pleasures) as men. Meanwhile, guys are increasingly surprised to discover that their female partners are interested in porn - and tend to be even more surprised to discover what they’re watching (I’ll get to that in a moment).
So what’s going on? Why the apparent change? To be honest, I’d always been of the mind that men and women are somewhat different when it comes to porn, for both biological and sociological reasons:
On the biological side, I’ve often said female sexual desire is more complex than male desire, and that porn rather clearly illustrates that difference: In men, visual stimulation leads quickly to sexual arousal, and with that chain of arousal often comes a desire to be stimulated to orgasm. In that sense, arousal and desire are very closely related, and it’s one of the reasons that Viagra has been so successful with men: Give a guy an erection and he basically wants to use it. In men, porn initiates the “sexual-circuit” very quickly.
That’s not to say that women don’t respond to visual stimulation either, or that that stimulation doesn’t lead to genital arousal, but that arousal doesn’t always trigger desire in women the way that it does with men.
When I talk to guys about their porn use, many describe a lack of pre-meditation. For example, a guy could be hanging out on his computer, checking out his favorite sports site, when up pops an ad with a sexy woman in a bikini and, bang, next thing he knows he’s trawling porn sites in search of sexual release.
With women, however, the use of porn or the desire/decision to have an orgasm is often less opportunistic. A woman may see something super-sexy, and recognize it as sexy, and even arousing, but that doesn’t mean she’s necessarily going to stop what she’s doing to stimulate herself to orgasm. (By the way, if you don’t agree with any of this, please chime in below in the comments - sexual desire is by no means a one size fits all model: everyone is different and topic of women and porn is a highly debated one.)
On a more sociological level, generations of women have been told that porn is evil: that it exploits, objectifies, and degrades women, and that a woman who enjoys porn is a betrayer of Women. Some may still feel this is true, (and there are plenty of women who feel uncomfortable with porn), but there are also plenty of women who would beg to disagree and look at porn as a fairly innocuous form of erotic escapism that’s a personal choice and not a big deal.
Additionally, many women have contended that porn, until fairly recently, was never really created with female customers in mind; that porn was designed to appeal to men and lacked elements that were more organic to female sexuality, such as foreplay, intimacy and erotic storylines.
Well, today there are many porn sites geared toward women. In fact, there’s even a regular Feminist Porn Awards that recognizes erotic entertainment that is smart, sexy, and appreciates women as viewers.
Combine a recognition of a female audience with the rapid proliferation of easily accessible Internet porn, and it only makes sense that more women are enjoying porn. (By the way, if you’re a woman and you’re interested in dipping a toe - or perhaps nose-diving - into the world of porn, I suggest checking out the work of Violet Blue and her book, "The Smart Girl's Guide to Porn." Or if porn isn’t your thing, but you’re interested in some hot erotic literature, take a look at the anthologies that are edited by Rachel Kramer Bussell.)
As it turns our women may be able to enjoy porn with less guilt, or at least with less grief from their male partners. In my experience, women tend to worry a lot more about their man’s porn habits and what it means to their relationship, whereas many of the men I’ve spoken with tend to be intrigued by the idea of women and porn - especially since women are much more likely to enjoy porn that does not directly reflect their sexual orientation.
One study at Northwestern University, for example, examined the effects of porn on genital arousal and concluded that men responded more intensely to porn that correlated to their particular sexual orientation, whereas women tended to be genitally aroused by a much broader spectrum of erotic material. Who knows –- perhaps the enormous variety of material offered by the Internet will end up playing more to the spectrum of female desire than male desire in the long run?
For the moment, it would seem that women are not watching porn nearly as much as men. Recently, a researcher from the University of Montreal set out to study whether pornography had an impact on guys’ sex lives. He searched for men in their 20s who'd never consumed porn, and guess what? He couldn't find a single one. I can still show you plenty of women who have never looked at porn - but perhaps not for long.
So do women like porn as much as men? You tell me.
Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him at his website,GoodInBed.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Having Trouble Understanding Men? 5 Myths Expelled

Having Trouble Understanding Men? 5 Myths Expelled (and how to get a guy to do anything!)

by Matthew Hussey 

There are so many myths out there about the male mind and male psychology that we have been led to believe. Over at Get The Guy we’ve just released an eBook, Secrets Of The Male Mind, which really uncovers it all. But for today, I want to focus on helping those women who are having trouble understanding men.
Let’s face it, all women wonder about what really goes on inside the male mind; but rarely do they get an honest account. From reading this article you are going to have a much greater understanding of men in relationships, male psychology, and the capability to get a guy to do absolutely anything you want!

Myth #1 – Men are afraid of commitment

So many women believe that all men are opposed to the idea of commitment.
It’s just not true.
Think of all the American movies and sitcoms that paint the picture of men being terrified of relationships. Two And A Half Men, Friends, American Pie, Entourage… Men grow up seeing this, and are led to the conclusion that they as men should fear commitment.
As a result, men unjustifiably put up this front that they are commitment phobes, and because of this, women think it’s true!
On top of that, because of these TV shows, men actually start to associate being single with sexual excitement, crazy parties and most importantly freedom – all the while associating commitment with fear.
However, for the women reading this, I assure you that in reality most men have pretty mundane single-lives. They don’t enjoy it anywhere near as much as they enjoy relationships; yet this conditioning really has taken it’s toll, and it’s hard for a lot of guys to realize.
All you have to do is change his associations and break his conditioning so that he realises how much happier he’d be in a relationship.
If you make him WANT to commit and show him that life will only get more fun when he does, committing to you will only excite him more and more.

Myth #2 – A guy will always initiate

I can tell you from previously coaching thousands of men in their love lives that men find it just as difficult to go and start conversations with people they are attracted to as women.
As a woman, you can use this information to your advantage.
If starting a conversation with a guy yourself isn’t something you feel comfortable doing, make it as easy as possible for him to approach you. If you’re standing at the other end of a bar, surrounded by five friends then it’s a lot harder for a guy to pluck up the courage and approach you than it would be if you gave him proximity.

3. Myth #3 – You should give a guy mixed signals

Men are simple creatures. If you confuse them, they tend to give up.
Giving a guy mixed signals, and playing games might seem like a good idea to keep him interested. But more often that not, men take this as a signal of disinterest and they simply give up.
Having said that, don’t show signs of desperation and neediness; just be honest and confident in how attracted you are to a guy.

4. Myth #4 – Men are unfazed by rejection

Men hate rejection just as much as women. The male ego is highly wrapped up in to how he perceives his performance with the opposite sex.
This links back to point #3, as men will give up when they receive mixed signals in order to protect their ego. Make things as obvious as possible for a guy. If he seems interested, but he’s still not asked you out, start making a joke about it. Playfully tell him that you’re still waiting for him to ask you out, and how disappointed you are that he hasn’t yet.

5. Myth #5 – Men are set in their ways and will never change

The reason women think they are never able to change a man’s behaviour is because whenever they try to do so, they do so logically. They try to convince him of why he should do this and that – and nothing ever happens.
Instead, you want to speak to a guy’s emotions, and really make him feel like a man for adopting a new behaviour. How?
Men love turning women on. Aside from perhaps chopping wood, started a fire and shaving a full grown beard, there is no manlier feeling. If you want a guy to change his behaviour in a relationship, rather than saying, “Honey, I would really appreciate it if you did…” try saying, “It really turns me on when you…”
It’s amazing how much hoovering you can get guys to do once they think it turns you on!
When you get inside the male mind in this way, you’ll never be confused about why men act the way they do again.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Is Love Confusing?

Love & All of It's Confusion

There does not seem to be a lot of disagreement that love is confusing, but why?
It is the most fulfilling and desired state of being human. Everyone wants love.

The confusion seems to come from a variety of sources conspiring and mixing together into a kind of Gordian knot. If we loosen the knot just a bit and isolate some of the sources of confusion, perhaps a foundation for understanding will begin to emerge.

Love is perhaps the most highly overused and misused word in the English language. It is applied and attached to a huge variety of human reaction and experience. Do you really love chocolate, a particular breakfast cereal or model of automobile? Advertisers tell us that we do and our off-handed comments or preferences indicate that we do. But, is that what we really mean or are the advertisements and cultural clichés we use adding to our confusion about love?

We are a society that objectifies everything. Appearances are important. More expensive cars, wrist watches, and purses are some of the things that we use to define ourselves. We have objectified love as well. We think of love happening to us and acting upon us in a mysterious way. We fall into love as if by accident, like stepping into a puddle of water. It happened by accident and we got our shoes wet and now we have to walk around in them for a while. Making love into an object outside of ourselves confuses our understanding.

We are confused by the role modeling we see in media of all types, for example look at soap operas. Millions of people watch these afternoon dramas about relationships between people everyday.

The leading older male character professes to be in love with the beautiful young woman across town, who professes to be in love with the nephew of the leading male character. At the same time another beautiful young woman, who use to be married to the nephew professes love for the older leading male character and her older brother is in love with the first beautiful young woman. 
Complicated? Yes. Confusing? Absolutely. Of course, it is all just TV drama and not to be taken seriously. 

Never-the-less, it adds to the confusion about love. It distorts our view and understanding of what love is and can be. On the soaps love is about possession. The plots turn around one character having or possessing another, losing possession and regaining it. People become love objects and this model of love and relationships is broadcast to millions, for hundreds of hours every week. Most of us know that what we are seeing isn't love but none the less we are left confused. We know this isn't love but what is it?

We live and work in a culture that increasingly isolates us from each other. We don't know our neighbors. We move frequently, change jobs, our families are spread across the country, perhaps the world. News is broadcast to us 24 hours a day. It feeds us stories of human tragedy and evil. In modern society it is easy to be wary and afraid. In response we seek isolation and find ourselves alone. It is difficult to meet other people because they see the same media messages we are and their fears and suspicions are aroused.

But humans by nature are social and they are attracted to other humans. In response, to this dilemma of social isolation, new services and ways to meet others have emerged. Things like Internet dating or speed dating and dozens of other contrived activities now respond to our needs to find other humans to be with. Look at the names of the services that promise us love:,, just to name a few. Their advertisements promise that we can find that perfect someone to love. They don't tell us anything about love that helps clear our confusion.

Rather they promise to take our computer profile: who we are and who we want. Put everything into a huge database with other peoples' computer profiles of who they are and who they what. Mash everything together with a secret algorithm and introduce us to the top three, five or a hundred results until we find that perfect someone. Admittedly this is a start in the right direction, but it doesn't have much to do with the concept of love. Without a clearer understanding of love the secret algorithm serves only to activate our instinctual responses, our biochemistry. The conditions are set for disappointment, because we are left even more confused about love.
Love is the most profound and fulfilling experience humans can have.

Love opens the opportunity for humans find their fullest potential. To find love, true love requires understanding and knowledge. To find anything you must know what it is you are looking for, why should love be any different? If you study love you will come to know love. As with anything learning about love is about mastering the knowledge and skills required to see more clearly. Better understanding clears the confusion on the path to finding love.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

5 steps to get your crush to notice you on facebook

5 steps to get your crush to notice you on facebook

by MarcusFairfax

We've all had situations where we have feelings for someone special at work or school and we have mates who are Facebook friends with him or her, but don't quite know how to add them and get close to them on Facebook and in real life without appearing to be a stalker. Or sometimes, you only see your crush at an event, friends house party, lecture, tutorial, and rarely are in a position to make a move and get to know him or her, and only Facebook is the only avenue available.

Here are a few simple steps to transform from being essentially a stalker who blows kisses into your crushes display picture and ease into a deeper and meaningful someone in your crush's life.

Step One

Check the mutual friends that both you and they share on Facebook. Now check whose wall your friend posts on the most. This will likely mean that they will also check your friend’s wall regularly. Try to post sensible and attractive posts that will get your crushes attention. Diversify your posts over the top three or four your mutual friends walls. This will definitely get his or her attention.

Step Two

The second mode of attack is to comment casually on any photos that includes your crush with a friend of yours. Obviously don’t go commenting on all photos just a handful. And DO NOT post on photos that are one month or older. This will look lame and quite obvious. Make meaningful comments, and portray a demeanour that you might think would attract him or her. Don’t swear and act like a goof. Have funny and slightly corny comments that would make your crush smile.

Step Three “spreading the message”
Make it known; nothing will come from keeping anything behind closed doors. Even if you’re mutual friend is not one of your closest mates, as long as you think they are trustworthy and considerate, let your mutual friends know how you feel about your crush. Perhaps ask them to gradually let your crush know how you feel about them.

Step Four “like, comment, like, comment, like, comment”

Now that your crush is aware that you do have feelings for them. Try to comment or ‘like’ photos that your crush appears in, or add to comments made by your crush in your friends status update. If your crush replies to your comments in a constructive tone, then you have something there. However, if he/she outright ignores your comments and continues replying merrily away at comments made by others, then your in trouble.

Step Five A

Ok so at this stage your crush is flirting with your flirtatious photo comments or status update contributions TARGETED AT HIM/HER. Now, considering he/she is aware of your feelings for him/her, you can take a deep breadth and add him/her as a Facebook friend without fear of getting rejected because he/she should have some feelings for your projected interest in him/her. Continue to get close to him/her by talking etc on chat just like you would at a party or club.

But please maintain the same demeanour you portrayed before successfully adding him/her.

Step Five B

Unfortunately his/she’s just not that into you. Or maybe he/she is? Perhaps he/she too has feelings for you but just isn’t showing it through Facebook. Nevertheless, he/she rejected your ‘flirtatious comment moves’ and its best not add him/her as a friend. Oh Really? Well maybe just add him/her, what do you have to loose. Some people just add any random person they stand next to on the subway, so perhaps your crush is similar and may just accept your friendship request. Now, despite being allowed in, its not as glorious as in step 5 A, but you’re in nonetheless. Just introduce yourself, talk to him/her in general and since he/she already knows your feelings towards him/her she might end up showing his/her true feelings, good or bad.

Best of luck, oh and you could just skip all these steps and just add your crush, show your true feelings up front, and you might get lucky. Some people just like that honesty and frankness. Perhaps they had the same feelings for you.

Monday, April 25, 2011

What Men Should Know About Marriage

What Men Should Know About Marriage

It is said that the first few years of marriage, are the toughest. Marriage is the best training that changes a boy into a complete man. It teaches you so many lessons in life, everyday. Let us discuss about what men should know about marriage.
Marriage requires commitment:

Marriage is not a game. Marriage is a commitment made by two mature individuals. It is not a decision that one can keep changing. Hence, one should think enough before taking such a big step. If one has decided to take the big step, then it is one’s duty to work hard in order to make it work.

You will often be suffocated:

You are now a part of somebody else’s life as well. Any decision taken by you will affect the other person. There will be days when you may feel that, life would have been better if you had not got married. However, you should understand is that it is just a passing phase. Every relationship has its own days of frustration and worry. But, you should not give up. When years pass and you finally get used to your better half, you will be glad that you tried.
Your wife will not always be young and beautiful:

This is a fact. You have you learn to love her for more than her looks. Beauty does not remain forever. You have to understand that even if she weighs a hundred pounds more, she is still the same person you loved. So always treat her with respect. Never cheat on her. Infidelity renders a relationship dead. There is never any excuse for cheating on your wife.

Marriage means less of social life:

Marriage requires responsibility. You cannot keep behaving like a bachelor and keep doing the same things that you used to do before marriage. You have to learn to take up responsibility. Along with working hard to provide for your family and helping out with the daily chores, you will also have to spend some quality time with your family.

The spark may not be the same:

It is hard to keep the same spark between the two of you even after years of marriage. There may be times when you may feel that you are being taken for granted. You will have to work hard to keep the spark in your marriage alive. There will be times when you will have to make difficult choices.Always keep communication with your wife open. Never neglect your wife. Planning surprises and getting gifts for your wife, can work magic on your relationship.

Tiring to see the same old person all the time:

Variety may be a spice of life. But, not in marriage. You cannot expect to cheat on your wife and for her to accept it wholeheartedly. As much as you may love her, it may get tiring to see the same person every morning next to you. Therefore many times in your life you may get tempted to cheat on her. However, please remember that it is just a test. Never cheat on your wife. When years pass off, you will feel proud of the number of years you held on to her.

Marriage Requires Patience:
This is the most important quality required for a successful marriage. There will be many times, when your patience will be tested. There may be times when, in anger your partner may hurt you with her statements. You have to learn to be understanding. Communication in a calm and composed manner can solve all problems. Avoid screaming and calling names. Whatever happens never physically abuse your wife.

Financial Challenge:
Right from the beginning of your married life, there will be some financial challenges that you may have to face. Be it the wedding expenses, family vacations or spending for daily requirements, you have to plan your finances judiciously. opinions will clash.
Balancing professional and domestic life:

This can be difficult. It is true that money is important to look after your family. Yet, it is also important to spend quality time with your family. Focussing only on money can ruin a successful relationship. Family dinners and get togethers bring the family closer and also improve the bonding among family members.

Marriage is the toughest adventure you may come across:
Marriage may be the toughest examination of your life. It is not easy to live together for a long period. No matter how much you love them, differences in terms of opinions can lead to arguments. Therefore marriage requires lot of adjustments and sacrifices. You have to be a good listener. You have to learn to respect your wife’s decisions otherwise your relationship may suffer.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Do You Still Love Your Ex?

Do You Still Love Your Ex?

Handling a relationship break up is never easy, but occasionally a person can be overly confident in their abilities to cope. They go on with their daily routine thinking they’re not missing the ex, but the truth is they are. This; distancing, a known behavior response, offers only temporary pain relief but doesn’t help over the long term. There are definite signs that indicate you could still love your ex, whether you want to admit it or not.

Do You Still Love Your Ex? Ask yourself…
Do you often ask yourself where your ex is and what they are doing? Pretty obvious you still think about them. You wonder how they are dealing with your break up or whether they are spending time with someone else. You could even experience some anxiety when you find out they are dating. These are all signs that you need to move on with life. Being curious about what your ex is doing is natural, what’s not healthy is becoming obsessed with it.
Changing Your Timetable
Changing social engagements and work timetables just to check up the ex is not a good sign. You may even have planned to show up at an event where you’re sure to meet your ex. This of course encourages interaction between you and your ex and reminds them of your continued presence. It’s quite likely you’re not consciously aware you are doing certain things, like frequenting restaurants and places you regularly visited together. No matter, changing your timetable because of your ex shows you are still, much too obsessed by them.
Jealous tactics
Have you talked to particular people or bought yourself a glitzy present to get the attention of your ex? This is a sign of jealous manipulation. You may think you doing it for revenge, but the opposite is true, it’s really a maneuver to attract the attention of your ex. If you were really over the relationship it wouldn’t matter what your ex thought of you. Employing jealous tactics just proves you still care too much about their opinion.
Be honest with yourself
The truth can be brutal but the only way to successfully handle your feelings is to confront them and face the truth head on. Are you still in love with your ex? If they asked today for your forgiveness would you take them back with no real questions asked? Answer yourself honestly and truthfully. You’re the only one who knows the answer to these questions but you must ask and being honest is important because if you can’t be honest with yourself who can you be honest with?
Still loving your ex isn’t a terrible or horrible thing. The problem arises when you ignore the facts and bury your feelings without dealing with them. Admitting you still have feelings for your ex is a positive step toward your recovery. Then you can decide whether you want to get back together with your ex or whether you want to focus on getting on with your life and maybe start dating again.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

What Sex Means to Men: 6 Deep Dark Secrets

What Sex Means to Men: 6 Deep Dark Secrets