If You're Falling for Someone Else ...Questions to Ask Yourself

Should I Cheat?

It's not uncommon for husbands or wives to suddenly find themselves in 'puppy love' with someone new. But before you take it from emotional to physical, consider this marriage expert's advice.

By Madeline Vann, MPH

Medically reviewed by Lindsey Marcellin, MD, MPH

Most people think it will never happen to them: falling for someone outside of their marriage. The fact is, new flames (whether it’s just a crush or an infatuation) take many married men and women by surprise.

If someone new has your attention, it can be all too tempting to act on your impulses. But before you take that step into infidelity, ask yourself some key questions to help you answer the big one: “Should I cheat?” Your answers may encourage you to seek marriage counseling to resolve those emotional health issues that made this new person desirable to you in the first place.

Flirt with these ideas before you stray:

“Am I really falling in love?”

You said your vows and meant them, but here you are, falling for someone else. What’s next? Infidelity is not inevitable. “I would say that the person who is lured by romantic love needs to slow down, not make any rash decisions, and begin to appreciate the power of the chemistry of romantic love,” says Westport, Conn.-based marriage and family therapist Janis Abrahms Spring, PhD, author of After the Affair: Feelings of Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful. “This other person may be a better partner for them, but often feelings of love can deceive as much as they inform.”

She advises being skeptical about the promise of this new love: Statistics argue against its survival. For example, while half of all first marriages fail, subsequent marriages are actually even more likely to fail.

“Should I tell my spouse?”

“There are advantages and disadvantages to revealing a secret like this — and people really need to review them for their own situation,” says Spring. Obviously, if you decide to leave the marriage, you will have to communicate why. But if all you have right now are some strong feelings for someone else, sharing them with your spouse at this stage could cause tremendous hurt and a possibly needless loss of trust. A more effective approach, says Spring, is for you to seek personal or marriage counseling to try to figure out what is driving your attraction and address any relationship issues that may have led you to this attraction.

“Should I stay or should I go?”

Before you venture into infidelity or dissolve your marriage, consider Spring’s conclusion after many years of working with couples dealing with affairs: “Another reason why those second marriages fail is because people take themselves with them,” she says. “They haven’t learned lessons from the first marriage so they take the same missteps into the second. They haven’t taken responsibility for how they poisoned the first marriage.”

Spring points out that there are certainly marriages that cannot continue, especially those that involve physical or verbal abuse or those in which one partner has an addiction for which he or she refuses to seek treatment. However, in situations where one spouse suddenly believes he or she has just met his or her soul mate in a new love interest and leaves the marriage for that person, that straying spouse may simply be avoiding accountability for his or her own failings as a partner.

“If I stay, can I still keep the new person in my life?”

If your answer to the “should I cheat?” question is a resounding no, then Spring counsels cutting off the source of your attraction completely. This means no personal contact, no letters, no emails — not even a “friend” status on Facebook.

“As long as you are e-mailing or chatting in some way with this person, they are going to drive a wedge between you and your partner,” she says. Despite your best intentions, the hard work of repairing your marriage will never be able to compete with the fantasy of that illicit relationship. Take a tough stand — this might even mean leaving a job or a department within your organization if the new attraction developed through work — and once you’ve cut that person out of your life, ask your spouse to go into therapy with you. “You don’t have to say you’ve fallen in love with someone else, but you can say you’ve started to have feelings for people and that that’s when you knew you were in trouble,” Spring says.

“Can I have a trial run with this new person?”

Taking a few weeks to get to know this new person is a very common temptation, says Spring. People fool themselves into thinking that they would be able to see the flaws in their “soul mate” with just a little one-on-one time. Not so, she says. “When people spend time with their lover, it’s like a honeymoon,” she explains. The reality of this other person probably won’t set in until well after adivorce is final, which, she says, is bound to happen if you take off for a while with your new love.

Your first priority is to be fair to your partner and yourself. Chances are, you have a partner who really wants to have a good marriage with you and who doesn’t know you’re as unhappy as you are, she says. “If you find yourself very enchanted with somebody else and are thinking of leaving, I would suggest hitting the pause button and trying to understand what your yearnings are all about.”

Remember, infidelity can have lasting ill effects and should not be entered into lightly. You owe it to yourself and your partner to first give marriage counseling a shot — if not only to help you stay faithful, then at least to understand what’s making you look elsewhere.

In Love & War Blog OBSERVES MEMORIAL DAY

Today, we observe and pay tribute to those that have fallen and those still standing in bravery for our country. 

We Thank, Love, and Honor You. 

God Bless All.

-In Love & War Blog

How To Avoid Awkward Moments After Sex

How To Avoid Awkward Moments After Sex
BY David Wygant

• What You Need To Know
• Never apologize for your sexual performance afterward.
• Always make sure to communicate openly about sex.
• If she's just a one-night stand, let her know before you hop into bed with her.

"When you apologize, all it does is show her that you're going ahead and assuming that your performance was bad..."

There you are lying in bed. And there she is lying next to you. You just finished having sex with a girl you’ve been dating (or you’ve just met), and your mind is filling with these questions: 

Did she come? Did she enjoy it? Was I good? Did I hold out long enough? Does she want to do this again? Does she expect me tocuddle her? Should I get up? Should I go to the bathroom? Should I leave? 
 
Or, if she's at your place, does she want to leave?

When you first start having sex with a new woman, you really want to avoid awkward moments after sex because, well, it's awkward. There's no ifs, ands or buts about it. You just don't know this person very well. Maybe you’ve known her for a day, a week or a month.

How Well Do You Know Her?

But time doesn't make any difference because when you start having sex with somebody, it's going to be awkward. You don't even know each other. Even if you’re experienced with other people, you don't really know what to do, you don't know what she likes and you certainly don't know if she was satisfied. You can’t pick up on all the intimate signals yet. 

Now, the worst thing to do after sex is to look at a woman when it’s over and ask, “Did you come?” That makes her feel like you're not in tune with her at all, and she wants to be in tune with you not only sexually but also emotionally and mentally. Another don't is to apologize for your performance. I know a lot of guys will do that. When you apologize, all it does is show her that you're going ahead and assuming that your performance was bad and that she was not satisfied. And it will also tell her that you're not very confident sexually. 

Avoid Those Awkward Moments

First off, figure out ahead of time what this woman means to you. If it's the first time you're having sex with someone who you actually like and may want to be in a relationship with, you need to relax and realize that no matter what it's like the first time, it's only going to get better from there on out. This is because sex only gets better with time, experience and knowledge of your partner. Also realize that if this is a woman you like and you think you're headed in the direction of a relationship, you must have an open line of communication about sex, and not just right after that one session. You can do it on the next date -- even the next day. Turn to her and say, “Last night was great with you. Is there anything that you'd like me to do? What do you really like? What do you really enjoy?” 

Don't bring it up directly after sex, because her head will be spinning with thoughts just like yours. But do it the very next day so you both have some time to process and learn more about each other. And it may take some time depending on how open she is. But if you lead and you are open, she will say: “Last night was great the way you moved,” or “Last night was great the way you went down on me. Can you do that again?” 

The point is for you to start to open lines of communication so that you can really learn from her sexually and show her you are not ashamed of having sex with her. This is how you'll avoid those awkward moments after sex. Communication is the absolute key to a good sex life. 

More on how to avoid awkward moments after sex next...

If you decide to leave, do yourself a favor and do not make her feel like a hooker. A lot of guys will do that."

But say, for instance, this encounter is just a one-night stand. Before you two actually get down to business, you need to have an action plan ahead of time for what you are going to do afterward. Determine whether or not you're going to leave her apartment. Determine whether or not you'll drive her home at 4:00 a.m. You still need to talk about it afterward. Don’t be a jerk. Say, “That was great. I really enjoyed that. I had a wonderful time with you tonight. But I really need to sleep alone, and I have a busy workweek.”

If you decide to leave, do yourself a favor and do not make her feel like a hooker. A lot of guys will do that. They'll basically just leave 10 minutes after having sex, and in doing so, they make a woman regret that she actually had that fling with you. It’s not the gentlemanly thing to do, and it’s not the manly thing to do. 

Communicate Honestly

If you are communicating honestly, you both know it's a fling, and let me tell you, if you both just need to have sex right away, there's a good chance it's a fling. Allow her to feel good about her decision to sleep with you. Whenever I would have a fling with a woman, we both knew it before we hopped in the sack together. I would always look at her afterward and say, “That was an absolute blast. Maybe we should do it again some time, but right now I've got to run  and walk the dog, and I've got to get a good night's sleep tonight." Plus, the fact is, the both of you are really thinking, "if we stay here all night long, we're just going to stare at the ceiling and not really be comfortable."

You need to show her that you either see this as a proper date or you need to say, “Hey I'm not looking for a relationship right now.” Describe where you're at in life. Don't just leave and make her feel like a hooker. You never know, down the road she might want another opportunity with you. And down the road you might end up liking her. 

Communication is the key to decreasing those awkward moments after sex, but there's a time and place for each conversation. So, to reiterate, if you like the woman, be subtle with her, make sure there's a tooth brush waiting for her in the bathroom the next morning, and make sure that she feels open and feels welcome staying at your house. Don't talk about your sexual performance until you’re ready to talk about it in a positive way in the next day or two, when you find out more about what she likes. You want to be confident in your ability, and you want her to understand that you're confident, because what she really wants is to be turned on by you in every way.

Long-distance relationships: Out of sight out of mind?

By Tim McGowan

Some say that distance makes the heart grow fonder, but those kind of facts are for Fox News. People, including myself, all over the world since the beginning of time have been infatuated with the long-distance relationship. Wanting something that we can't have is almost human nature. However there is a big emphasis on "almost"  though, since most people typically have found love right around the corner. However, with the invention of the Internet things have gotten a little bit easier  – or harder depending on how you look at it.

Remember the good old days of 1999 surfing AOL chat rooms about Pokemon and sharing screen names on AIM? No? Well, I do and thinking about it brings back rather embarrassing and fond memories of talking to girls, without having to actually physically interact with them. To someone as young as me there was nothing more exciting then anticipating that next instant message. Oh, the anxiety! Did I say something stupid? Was my Limp Bizkit joke funny? Was that the right emoticon? So many complicated unnecessary emotions going on for a 13-year-old boy.

What did I know about flirting other than girls like it when you compliment them. I can attempt funny jokes but that's about it. I do remember those first few e-crushes though. I remember my friends and I exchanged screen names with a group of girls from Ohio. We would talk to one another for hours online and eventually this even led to phone conversations. Somehow, we broke down the Internet barrier and reached out to real people. Plus they were girls! Real-life girls were paying attention to a bunch of video game playing nerds thousands of miles away.

At first, it was all in good fun. We'd make stupid jokes over the phone or play music to one other, but then it got serious. Or at least as serious as an Internet relationship can get. People started to actually "date" one another. Don't ask me how this works, because to this day the concept still confuses me, but it did happen. Even I was struck with e-Cupid's arrow.

This vicious cycle did not stop here though. Even after we stopped talking I found yet another girl online, but this time it seemed like something tangible. We talked on the phone constantly. So many long, late-night phone conversations with that girl. Despite the fact that she lived in Maryland and was a bit younger than me, something connected.

We made so many plans together and even sent each other birthday gifts and cards. For someone who had never had a girlfriend before I felt like I was actually dating someone. The only problem was the distance, but for the most part I think we made it work. Now that I look back on it I probably didn't love her in the real sense of the meaning, but I definitely felt something. The whole relationship boiled down to the idea of a possible visit over winter break my senior year of high school. We talked about it constantly and it was almost coming to fruition when everything just kind of stopped. Winter break ended and by January I started dating my first real-life girlfriend.

I now have a girlfriend that lives about 200 miles away, which is a big improvement from thousands of miles. Regardless of the distance I still find the same kind of pitfalls that might plague any relationship. The constant worrying about who they are with, what they are doing and what are they saying about you. Plus, you miss them! Throughout it all though, I think the most important thing to remember is to keep in touch. Phone conversations can be very impersonal, but you have to keep that constant communication going. Like all relationships, communication is key and in long-distance ones it is even more essential. I think that's what these early "relationships" taught me. You have to talk to one another and connect on that deeper level. It makes for less awkward moments when you do get to see each other and makes for a more meaningful relationship all around. It helps build trust when you are more open and I think that's what keeps these relationships a float on a sea of phone wires and endless Internet cables.

Faking Orgasms: How To Tell If She's Faking It

Faking Orgasms: The Signs

By Ian Kerner

• What You Need To Know
• It's the screamers and the thrashers who are very often the fakers.
• Pacing of breath, body temperature and muscle tension all indicate a state of orgasm.
• Women fake orgasms for reasons like stress, performance anxiety and body-image issues.

"Lots of women are faking it - and getting away with it. "

OK, guys, think your wife or girlfriend isn’t faking it? Or that faking only happens in other people’s bedrooms? Think again. According to the recently published National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, 85% of men said that their partner had experienced an orgasm during their most recent sexual event, while only 64% of women reported actually having had an orgasm. The implication: Lots of women are faking it -- and getting away with it. 

Why Women Fake Orgasms

“Find me a women’s magazine whose cover doesn’t include screaming headlines about the 764 varieties of orgasm every woman is supposed to be having each time she has sex,” writes my colleague Emily Nagoski in the Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms. “In reality, life gets in the way: stress, depression, anxiety, body image, performance anxiety (women get it too), sleep deprivation, feeling rushed (women take, on average, 10 to 30 minutes to orgasm) -- all interfere with orgasm. So sometimes women fake it.”

Recognize The Real Thing

The best way to tell if a woman is faking orgasms is to know how to recognize the real thing. Signs of arousal become visible throughout the process of sexual response, particularly during the pre-orgasm phase.

So what are these signs? How can you tell when she’s close to orgasm? Throughout the ages, wise men have reflected upon this question, and in The Tao of Love and Sex, author Jolan Chang offers us the “indications of female arousal,” as laid out by Taoist master Wu Hsien:

“Her hands are hot and her abdomen warm, and at the same time her language becomes almost unintelligible. Her expression looks as though she is bewitched, her body is soft as jelly and her limbs are droopy. The saliva under her tongue has been sucked dry.”

Well, OK, though today’s man might not notice if “the saliva under her tongue has been sucked dry,” he is apt to observe:

•    An increase in the pace of her breathing
•    An increase in body temperature and heart rate
•    A high state of tension in her muscles (hypertonicity)
•    A tightening of the abdominal muscles
•    A throbbing of her PC muscles and a general “bearing down” on the pelvic area

As she releases sexual tension through orgasm, her vagina and uterus will contract, on average, 10 to 15 times, with each contraction lasting approximately 8/10ths of a second. Her rectal sphincter contracts anywhere from two to five times, as well. Attendant to these genital and rectal contractions is the tensing and releasing, in spasm, of many of the muscles throughout her body, including arms, legs, neck, and face. Even her toes will bend and arch forward. 

Recognize She's Faking It

While many women can duplicate the characteristics of orgasm, including the contractions of the PC muscles, it’s unlikely she could manufacture 8 to 10 of these contractions in less than 20 seconds, especially in combination with all the other visible characteristics.

But, in truth, most women know that when faking it, they needn’t bother portraying a convincing facsimile of the real thing, when they can simply offer up a porn-inspired performance of those characteristics that are most likely to fool and please men: lots of sound and fury, which, in the end, is nothing more than smoke and mirrors. It’s the screamers and the thrashers who are very often the fakers. 

At Good in Bed, we know that that an orgasm doesn’t come out of nowhere. It’s the final exclamation point on a sentence that you’ve been writing all along. If the final flourish feels unearned or out of the blue, then it likely is.

Bored in the Bedroom? If You Snooze, You Lose!

Bored in the Bedroom? If You Snooze, You Lose! 
By Kristen Mark

Thanks to Arnold and Maria, couples have once again been reminded that relationships are very fragile. There are threats everywhere: From little things like flirty friendships to biggies like infidelity and super-sized betrayals “Arnold-style,” which includes a love-child.

But as shocking as the news is about Arnold, research shows that nearly a quarter of all couples engage in infidelity at one point or another. Now that’s scary. And while we don’t know too much about what was going on behind the scenes with Arnold and Maria, we do know that one of the biggest threats to marriage is actually somewhat innocuous – boredom.

Good in Bed Research recently conducted a survey to examine relationship boredom, and according to 3,341 readers in committed relationships, half reported either being bored or on the brink of boredom in their relationships. Further, 24 percent of people reported having engaged in infidelity due to boredom.

“Boredom is basically like an attack on our relationship’s immunity system – once weakened we're all the more susceptible to a cascade of ailments,” said sex therapist Ian Kerner.

Some of the top factors leading to relationship boredom include:

• Moving in together (15.6 percent)
• Marriage (13.8 percent)
• Getting pregnant (8 percent)
• Having kids (32.2 percent)
• Getting older (38.5 percent)

So it sounds like the the longer your relationship goes on, the more likely you are to become bored.

But listen up: When it comes to relationship boredom and infidelity, women may be more vulnerable than men. Maybe that’s because men tend to cheat opportunistically – you know, “there she was just’a walking down the street” – whereas, for women, infidelity is more related to overall relationship satisfaction. And any woman will tell you that boredom strikes at the heart of contentedness and can quickly turn satisfaction into dissatisfaction.

So here are some tips to boredom-proof your relationship:

1. Ask your partner to try something new in the bedroom. The majority of the respondents were entirely interested in trying something new in the bedroom to combat boredom. So, get going. Need some ideas? Check out the Good in Bed Guide to 52 Weeks of Amazing Sex. Start with sharing a fantasy, or try a sex toy such as a vibrator. You may be surprised to find out that your lover actually does want to try a new position, play a sex game, use a lube -- or even an enhancer. 

2. Maintain your individuality. For many people, this wasn’t the first relationship in which they’ve felt bored, and most also felt bored both at home and work. In this sense, boredom is contagious, and you have to start with yourself. From your career, to your friends, to maintaining your own personal passions and interests, being a strong couple requires being a strong individual.

3. Keep finding things to talk about. At the end of the day, it's easy to feel that communication is a chore, that talking to your partner is boring or routine and that there's nothing new under the sun to possibly talk about. When you're feeling this way -- nodding and half-listening, with no real interest in how your partner's day went -- you're in serious danger of getting too detached and disconnected and becoming vulnerable to things like infidelity, depression and indifference.

So learn from Arnold’s mistake and say “Hasta la vista, baby” to monotony, without having to give up monogamy.

Kristen Mark, MSc, is currently completing her Ph.D. in Health Behavior with concentrations in Human Sexuality and Statistics at Indiana University.

Horoscopes Real or BS? How Men of the Zodiac Seduce You

Horoscopes Real or BS? How Men of the Zodiac Seduce You
Ever wonder why you're more drawn to one zodiac sign than another? Or wonder just what it is that makes people attracted to you? Astrology explains the seductive qualities of each man of the zodiac!

Aries (March 21 - April 19)
The Aries guy is fresh and youthful, no matter his age. Ruled by action-oriented Mars, the Ram's passion for life is legendary. But like Aries Russell Crowe or Robert Downey, Jr., he often tends to live on the edge. This can be exciting but dangerous. Not known for his discretion or fidelity in youth, it's later in life that the Ram learns to bank his fire and settle down a bit more.

Wiry and fit, the Aries man's physique will grab your attention before he's even had a chance to wow you with his devilish charm. Aries comes right out and tells you what he thinks, which can be disarming. If he finds you hot, you'll know it. He wants someone who can keep up with him -- athletically as well as sexually! The Ram is always up for a spontaneous trip to the mountains or a competitive game of tennis. The thrill of speed turns him on, and so does the color red. If you happen to drive a sporty red car, you may just be the lover of his dreams.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
There's an earthy charm and confidence about the Bull that makes him sexy. Even if he's not classically handsome, his sweet ways get him just about anything or anyone he wants. Fun and flirtatious, when it comes to commitment he moves slowly, like his other animal, the Tortoise. As with Taurus Jack Nicholson, he's apt to stay single until someone really special comes along. But if he knows you're "the one," he'll take his time and wait 'til you come around.

Taurus is good with his hands and very sensual -- trading massages really turns him on. He's also tuned in to his body -- and yours! -- which makes him a sensitive lover. Unflappable and serene (unless pushed too far), he'll make you feel safe. He can get stuck in ruts, however. Often broad-chested and a bit fleshy, his warmth is comforting on chilly nights. Ruled by artistic Venus, he's both creative and practical. He'll build you a cabinet or plan your portfolio, and feel manly doing so. To thank him in a way he'll really appreciate, savor a deluxe hot fudge sundae together -- in bed.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
With that twinkle in his eye and that wiggle of his cute butt, the Gemini man is a real delight. You'll be dazzled by his quick repartee and sexy comebacks -- nobody can speak the language of seduction better than the Twins (Remember sexy Gemini Johnny Depp in that delirious romance Don Juan de Marco?). There's often an androgynous quality about this guy -- his Twin aspect shows he's got a strong feminine as well as masculine side. And that means he understands the way both sexes think, which melts your defenses.

Though he can be fickle or two-faced, this guy will stick around for a partner who stimulates his mind. Ruled by mental Mercury, he's turned on by lively debates about media and culture. Travel stirs his blood, as well. Plan a spontaneous trip and keep him guessing about the destination to really fire him up. If you've got one of those rare Geminis who's more agile with his hands than his tongue, rendezvous with him after he's just tuned up his car or painted his porch, and his juices are really flowing!

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
The Cancer guy is a big sweetheart who'll win you over with his sexy smile and unassuming manner. He loves his mom (he may be a bit of a mama's boy) and will do just about anything for those he loves. Think of Harrison Ford in all those films where he rescues his family from certain doom, and you've got the essence of the Crab's appeal. Whether he's protecting you or relaxing in your warm embrace, he's a family man through and through. And he's definitely in it for the long haul, looking for a great parent for his kids.

Moody and changeable, the Cancer man is ruled by the Moon and tends to wear his heart on his sleeve. His sensitivity and vulnerability will go straight to your heart, though some may find him clingy. You'll be tempted to baby him, but he'll be more attracted to you if you prove you can make your own way in the world. Maintain a life of your own, but also keep the home fires burning. And remember: the way to this man's heart is definitely through his stomach.

Leo (July 23 - Aug. 22)
The Leo guy is a natural showman and has a sexy, devil-may-care wit. Like the Sun, his ruling planet, he radiates manly confidence (despite his insecurities) and won't back down from a fight. In essence, he's a hero -- like Leo Antonio Banderas in The Mask of Zorro -- and his strength is his most appealing quality. Even the quieter Leo has a thrilling sense of masculinity about.

The Lion has the biggest heart of the zodiac, and shares it freely once he realizes (sometimes later in life) that the world doesn't revolve around him. He'll cook you a gourmet meal or take you shopping for a new stereo system. He likes the finer things in life, and wants an elegant (but fun!) partner on his arm. A little bit of praise turns him on; stroking the Lion's ego will really make him purr. As long as you don't upstage him or challenge him too forcefully and trigger his temper, this guy will be eating out of your hand. Letting him know how special he is on a regular basis will also tame the Lion.

Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)
The Virgo guy is intelligent and thoughtful. He'll remember your birthday and your favorite scents. Ruled by lightning-quick Mercury, his mind is always going a mile a minute, and he tends to be overly analytical and sometimes critical. Yet just when his fussiness is about to drive you crazy, he'll give you that sexy, sheepish grin (like Virgo Hugh Grant) and melt your heart. Actually, his intelligence is his sexiest quality: he sees straight into you like a laser -- and lets you know how much he cares.

Though he can be overly mental, this is also an earthy guy. You can help him bring out his earthiness by doing yoga or planting a garden together. His desire to serve is another sexy attribute -- let him fix your computer or make you fresh carrot juice, and watch him beam with pleasure. Another plus in the turn-on department is Virgo's health-consciousness -- he usually has a fit, toned body. He's also a sensitive lover, once he gets past any performance anxiety. Exploring Tantric practices, with an emphasis on breathing, will help him relax.

Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22)
The Libra man understands and adores his lovers, which is his most attractive quality. Ruled by Venus, the planet of love, he knows how to treat you (probably because he paid attention when his mother taught him manners). Candlelight dinners appeal to this guy, as do romantic walks on the beach. But he's also the thinking person's turn-on. His agile mind and charming way with words can keep you up half the night, as he takes pleasure in talking about anything and everything. Libra is always up for a discussion about relationships or culture, and is a champion of fidelity and civil rights. Some may find him overly intellectual, though.

Artistic and creative, Libra has a real flair for style and his home is usually beautiful. His sweetness is irresistible, and you can lose yourself in those clear, all-seeing eyes. Luckily for you, Libra is a one-partner man. He's also quite social, and loves to cultivate mutual friendships. His delightful wit comes out at parties, but he will share the spotlight with the woman he loves. Chivalrous to a fault (remember Libra Hugh Jackman in Kate and Leopold?), this guy is a true gentleman.

Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21)
There's a quiet intensity to the Scorpio guy that'll reel you in. One look in those smoldering eyes (like those of Scorpio Joaquin Phoenix), and you're a goner. Even sexier is his sultry voice. This guy can literally mesmerize you. That's why Scorpios make great magicians and hypnotists. The Scorpion's sexual magnetism comes from someplace deep inside him, and its power is almost palpable. He's definitely not a match for those who want to stay on the surface of things.

Because he's ruled by Pluto, lord of the underworld, this man knows how to keep secrets -- and may frustrate you with his reluctance to share his deepest feelings. But he's definitely not superficial, as you'll discover behind closed doors. If you fear the experience of being utterly consumed, then stay away from the Scorpion. At times possessive and jealous, he thrives on going all the way (and then some) sexually. But if you can match him, he'll bond with you for life. Getting away on a quiet retreat for "just the two of you" will fan the flames of his ardor.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)
This guy has the call of the wild in his soul, and that far-off look in his eye is part of his attraction. Think of Sagittarian Brad Pitt in Legends of the Fall or Seven Years in Tibet, and you'll understand the Archer's outdoorsy appeal. "Don't fence me in" is his motto. Like his animal, the horse, he responds well to gentle caresses and soothing words. Yet some may find him too hard to pin down.

The Archer is well read and well traveled, and he's a born teacher, too. He's also strong and appealingly muscular. Ruled by optimistic Jupiter, he tends to look on the bright side of things, and can pull you out of a funk in no time flat. His natural wit and storytelling abilities are thrilling. He's not what you'd call predictable, but this can make him irresistible. If you share his adventures but are also independent enough to let him be free, this man will adore you. Let him go off on his cross-country motorcycle rides or fishing expeditions, and he'll be more than happy to come home to you.

Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)
The Goat has it together, or at least projects the image of being in control. Ruled by ambitious Saturn, he's a master of the material world. He also possesses the seductive attractiveness that goes with that kind of worldly power. Like the mountain goat, he always aims for the top. Think of indomitable (and ultra sexy) Capricorn Denzel Washington in all those roles where he triumphs over unimaginable challenges. You can't keep this guy down for long.

A natural father figure, the Goat will protect you -- which, along with his warmth and sheer physicality, make you feel secure. He is a solid, reliable presence once he commits. He gets better with age, too (think of Capricorn Anthony Hopkins, still sexy at nearly seventy). The Goat may not be as attuned to feelings as you'd like, but he makes a good mate if you can forgive him his occasional insensitivity and long hours at work. Though he appreciates a good parent for his kids, he's also looking to you to spice up his life.

Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)
Here's a guy who doesn't fit the mold. A true free spirit, his appeal comes from his courage to follow his own drummer. Usually ahead of his time, this guy's quirkiness is part of his genius. Ruled by inventive Uranus, he'll dazzle you with his utopian ideas and turn you on to worlds you never knew existed. Experimental and even kinky at times, he'll keep you guessing and take you to the edge, sexually. Emotionally, he tends to be reticent and doesn't like to talk about feelings. Accept him as he is, and he'll love you for it.

Freedom-loving Aquarius makes a great friend, though he tends to be gun-shy of commitments. But if you can give him a long leash, he'll stick by your side. Like Aquarian John Travolta flying his jet or Paul Newman racing his cars, this guy loves the sound of the wind in his ears. Be like Joanne Woodward, who brings her knitting to the track to quietly support her man. Sharing an interest in metaphysics or volunteering for humanitarian pursuits can give you a higher purpose that will keep you together.

Pisces (Feb. 19 - March 20)
Sensitive and caring, Pisces fills you with tingly feelings as he swims straight into your heart. And when he fixes that dreamy gaze on you, it's hard not to turn to jelly. Pisces loves to touch and be touched -- and often communicates best non-verbally. You'll be transported to other dimensions just holding each other. Sex and spirit are one in the same to this guy, which makes your lovemaking ecstatic.

There's something appealingly wounded about Pisces that makes you want to rescue him and take him home. Sometimes accused of not being "manly" enough, this guy may overcompensate (like Pisces Bruce Willis in all those action flicks) to prove he's not a wuss. Ruled by imaginative Neptune, he's often a talented musician, artist or dancer. Despite his strong physique, his spiritual nature makes him seem otherworldly. As long as he's not trying to avoid reality through addiction or escapism, he makes a stalwart and attentive mate. Go swimming with him at the cove or take a dance class together. This guy doesn't like to be alone, and will respond to your desire to bond.