Tell Me White Little Lies

Tell Me White Little Lies

A lie is a lie is a lie, right? Yes and no. We talk about lies as being good lies and bad lies. How do we separate the lies that are good from the lies that are bad? Why do we call them white lies, but a lie is a lie and not a black lie. How do we differentiate between the two? How do we justify one lie that is good and one lie that is bad? When do we in the course of marriage communication weave together a fabric of lies so tight that suddenly, we don't recognize the truth that exists between us because we've sugar coated it with so many lies that we may not even recognize the truth?

White Lies

White lies, we say, are lies that cause no harm. They are lies that we tell to keep someone else from harm. They are the little lies we tell to avoid a disagreement or to sooth over troubled waters. It can be as simple as saying you did swing by the bank, but you didn't. You know you will be going by in the morning, so it can't hurt, right?

The white lie is the one where we tell our husband you forgot to get something out for dinner, when the truth is - you just don't feel like cooking. It will be easier for him to pick something up on the way home. The white lie is the one you tell when you go out shopping and spend a little too much, but don't mention it especially if the subject never comes up.

A white lie is not supposed to hurt someone, it's supposed to protect him or her. But lies, almost all lies, are not about protecting someone else - they are about protecting yourself.

A Lie By Any Other Name

That's the problem with lies. Little lies are easy to tell and soon they become bigger and bigger. Eventually, your lies weave so tightly, you forget what was the lie and what was the truth. The bottom drops out and sooner or later you are caught in a lie. When you get caught in that lie, people get hurt. Because when you lie, you are protecting yourself from the antipathy, disappointment and even the anger of others. But your lie takes away someone else's choice - and that is the crime.

When you tell someone a lie, you are taking away from him or her, the right to make an informed decision. You are taking away from them their right to make their own choices. We can justify lies to our children, because we don't let them make choices. But we teach them over and over and over again not to lie - they have to tell us the truth so that we can make the best decisions for them, so we can be informed and so that we can trust them.

If this is true for our children, why would we ever lie to our spouses, our friends or our loved ones?

A WHITE LIE ISN'T REALLY A LIE. IS IT?

A WHITE LIE ISN'T REALLY A LIE. IS IT?

Whilly Bermudez - Host / Commentator

In 2009 there was a song written for an episode of the hit television series ‘Lie to me’. The song was appropriately called “White Lie”. Here are some of the lyrics:

‘I say I’m ten when I’m nine and a half, my uncle tells a joke and I try to laugh, In gym I fake a headache when I want to quit, I say I love the sweater that my grandma knit, but that’s a White Lie, the one you want to tell, a White Lie so my mom wont yell’.

The rest of the lyrics go on to more short and catchy phrases. So let’s get off on an honest foot and say that we ALL tell White Lies in order to prevent conflicts or awkward situations. We say that we liked that gift when we really didn’t. We exaggerate how much weight we actually lost. We made up an excuse as to why we were late getting there. How about running into an ex boyfriend at Publix but not letting your current boyfriend know? Whether you know it or not, you’ve breached a trust.

I was mostly raised in a Catholic /Christian setting and was taught that all lies are sins and against God. If I were to write here that I had never uttered a lie, then I would most definitely be a liar; as would anyone else who chose to say those words. What exactly is the loophole we manage to wiggle through to justify to ourselves and to others that our lie was okay? But before answering, remember, 'the road to hell was paved with good intentions.'

This morning I ask you. Is an often trivial, diplomatic, or well-intentioned untruth still a Lie? Wait let me help you… Lies come in many disguises, but no matter how well intended or how we dress it, it's still a lie.     :-)

Thank you for being honest & taking the time to read, but what do you guys think?

Whilly Bermudez

AFTER THOUGHT'S BY

Miss La Rosa - Host / Commentator

WB,

I have to say that I have agreed to disagree in the past with you. On this one I agree to agree. We have all lied at some point whether it be for a good reason or not. I think some become so comfortable with the so called “little lies” that it becomes a hard habit to break. The question is who are we lying to in reality?

I believe that when we lie, we are only being untrue to ourselves. We are the ones that have to live knowing that we lied about anything. Whether it be big or small. “A lie no matter how small puts our truths in doubt”. Yes, we've all been there at some point or another and either we move forward and learn to surround ourselves with the positive OR continue to sink in our own puddle of negativity. Sometimes we lie because we feel others are doing it to us as well. I don't want to get thrown in that puddle as well. It is what it is.

Ultimately the mirror reflects who we are. Lies are conflicting with any type of advancements or growth for ourselves. The damage is done only to ourselves.

With all sincerity, Thank you all for reading.

Miss La Rosa