13 Ways To Be a Better LOVER

13
ways to be a better lover

Okay this one is for the guys. Guys often get a bad rap when it comes
to their bedroom antics. It doesn’t have to be this way. An explanation
might be needed for the women reading this. Guys, when we are young are
labelled a freak until we’ve had sex with someone, it often doesn’t matter
with whom and where as long as we get sex. It’s like a ritual. we
start to go a funny shape if we haven’t had sex by a certain age.

Now for some men this ‘go get it’ attitude never really leaves them and they
carry this on into their long term relationships. we are not taught how
to make love properly and it’s kinda embarassing going into borders and buying
‘the joy of sex’ book, although amazon has changed all that. However
with these 13 tips you can become a Casanova in no time and you will be ‘getting
it’ more than ever.

1. Always, always, always be attentive.

Guys are often seen as being a bit insensitive. This is not always the
case but it is generally true that they are less sensitive than women. We
need to pay close attention to our partner’s feelings and wants and act
on them accordingly.

2. Spoil your partner

Spoil them in every way, in the bed, in the house, lavish them with attention
when out, buy little gifts, leave little notes. All this stuff is not
just for newly weds; it’s for the rest of your life if you want it.

3. Touch

Touching and stroking your partner is great for us and even better for them. A
warm sensual oil massage can be the most sensual thing in the world and it
gets you brownie points. However don’t spoil the massage moment
by giving her a quick 5 minute rubdown and then expect a long sensual 30 minute
massage for you.

4. Make it last another 10 minutes

If you are used to making love for 10 minutes, which can be great, make it
last another 10 minutes by touching, kissing and caressing more. Then
after a few weeks increase it again by another 10 minutes.

5. Kiss before and after

There is nothing better than a full on kiss before making love. However
there is nothing better than a full on kiss after making love. I know,
I know the sleep monster is trying to kick in at this stage but it is well
worth paying attention and kissing and stroking for 10 minutes after making
love.

6. Caress, don’t grab!

I have often confused breasts with lumps of clay to mould and shape as I see
fit, apparently this is not how it’s done. Caressing is much better,
teasing and kissing softly is much better, you should see results immediately.

7. Try new things

If you partner suggests a new move or a new anything else be willing to try
it. If you don’t like it then be honest and tell her.

8. Tell her you love her (if you have a partner, not needed
   if it’s
   a one night stand!)

This might sound too simple, but it’s important for women to hear this. Don’t
just glance from the TV and say ‘love you babe’, every once in
a while tell her why you love her, she’s sexy, intelligent, a great mother,
a great lover, a fantastic wife just tell her why you love her.

9. Kiss all over

Try every area of the body until you find the sweet spots and then concentrate
on them in the future. Vary the routine. I used to think there
was a set formula of 5 minute fumble, kiss a little, make love, and fall asleep. Thankfully
that was in my younger days, now its 6 minutes for the fumble (only kidding!). Try
changing your love making habits, lie making love during the day not just in
bed before going to sleep, try it in the morning, you get the picture.

10. Ask what your partner likes

There is no better way of knowing what you partner likes than asking them.

11. Dress it up a little

This can be a great way of injecting something different into your lovemaking. Don’t
be afraid to tell your partner your kink and ask them to oblige and similarly
be willing to dress it up.

12. Foreplay

This can be the most important part of lovemaking for your partner. If
we are being honest, guys are brought up to relieve the tension quickly. However
it can be great for both partners to experience increased tension by making
foreplay last much longer.

13. Enjoy the experience

It’s great, it can de-stress us, it can give us a great ‘after
sex sleep’, it brings us closer to our partner, enjoy the whole experience.

10 Ways to Know If Someone is Cheating on You

I often write about catching cheaters in general terms. The other day, someone emailed me and asked if I would pinpoint and write about the specific top ten ways to know if you're being cheated on or the top ten tips offs that your significant other is cheating.  I'll list these things in the following article.

1.  You Feel It In Your Gut: Very often, you get this nagging little feeling that something is wrong before you actually start to notice the ensuing behavior.  It's often an increased awareness that things aren't going as they normally do or that your partner is becoming more distant, critical, or evasive.

2. You Miss His Or Her Presence Because He's / She's Just Not There As Much: Often, I write about missing them metaphorically. Now, I'm talking about missing them physically.  Often when someone is cheating, they spend less and less time at home or together.  You're with them less. Whereas before they would ask you to tag along on errands or outings, this is the case less and less of the time.

3. His Or Her Excuses Are New Or Just Don't Make Sense: Often, the behavior changes and then the excuse comes. Examples are the person who only did the bare minimum at work is suddenly putting in a lot of overtime.  Or, the guy with the relatively new car begins having tons of car troubles. Or, the girl who wasn't particularly close to her family now needs to go and see her distant aunt.  Often, as they need to cover their tracks more and more, you'll begin to see a lot more of these out of left field excuses that don't mesh with their prior behavior.

4. Intimacy And Sex Changes: It's Either Much Less In Frequency, Or Much More Adventurous / Experimental Or Is Not Typical Behavior: There's the old stereotype that when someone cheats, they either stop having sex with the person at home, or they only go through the motions, but this isn't always the case.  Sometimes, sexual activity actually increases and you'll see that they want to try new things, almost as if they are trying to prove to themselves that they can get at home what they're seeking somewhere else. Often, sometimes the new things that they're doing with their partner in cheating will broaden their horizons, so to speak.

5.  They're More Critical Or Vocal: You may notice that the little things that they used to really like about you now bothers them.  Did they used to love your low key attitude? Now, they'll wonder why your not ambitious enough.  Did they used to love your sense of humor but now find it corny? Did they used to love that you couldn't get enough of them but now find you possessive?  All of these changes are tip offs that they're changing their attitude and perception about you, likely because they need to justify the cheating to themselves.

6.  They're Suddenly Talking A lot About Their New Coworker, Friend, Or Class Mate: Often, the temptation to talk about their cheat mate is just far too great to ignore. They'll often slip and recount a funny thing or observation that so and so made.  Hearing this new name once doesn't usually ring alarms bells, but any more than that and you should take notice.

7. They're Secretive About Their Cell Phone And Computer: Whereas before they didn't mind you using their electronics before, now they keep them in close range.  This is because they're wondering if they remembered to delete the texts and emails.  Speaking of these things....

8. Deleted Internet History / Phone Texts, And Emails: Technology almost always leaves a cheater trail and most people know this.  So, if you go into your Internet history and see alot of deletions or if you see that they've cleared their cookies / cache or have deleted emails, there is little doubt that there's a reason why.  They will also often delete their cell phone in box or call log, but you can actually retrieve these.

9. They Fumble Around Or Become Uncomfortable When You Get In Their Car: Almost always, the person that they've been cheating with has been in their car. So, as soon as you get in it, they're going to become uncomfortable and wonder if there are any clues that they've missed that the other person has left behind.  You can see this discomfort written all over their face.

10.  Their Body Language Creates Distance: Often cheaters begin to give off new body language clues. Whereas they used to present with an open body and stance before, they'll now cross their arms, stand further back, and tighten their lips and eyes. All of these things are subconsciously keeping you at a safe distance.

Unfortunately, I missed a lot of these signs. My heart knew that he was cheating, but my head didn't want to acknowledge it. But after thinking on it for a long time, I decided that I really wanted to know the truth, no matter what that truth was. I learned how to get concrete information and proof that my husband thought that he had hid and erased. Once I presented this to him, he had no choice but to come clean.

6 mistakes men make on Valentine's Day

6 mistakes men make on Valentine's Day

Memo to men: Valentine’s Day is on February 14. In years past, Yahoo.com has noticed a spike in men searching for an answer to the question: “When is Valentine's Day?” as the day fast approaches. Of all the holidays on the yearly calendar, the one designated for romance never fails to trip guys up. Blame mixed messages: While retailers consider the holiday worthy of diamonds, many women take the stance that it's no big deal.

Don’t fall for any of it. Valentines Day is when a guy’s affection, compatibility, and commitment are put to the test. Forgetting the day is just the first mistake to avoid. There are six other common mistakes men make on February 14. Here's a cheat sheet.

Mistake #1: Getting words of wisdom from your local drug store.There's a time and a place for Hallmark poetry and it's never on Valentine's Day. No matter how cursive, heartfelt, and close-to-home the text, you still didn't write it.

Why it’s bad: Women want to feel special. Giving a card that’s designed to cater to millions of women on Valentine’s Day sends the message that your love is a lot like everyone else's. It also suggests you bought some Rite Guard in the next aisle while you were at it. Nobody wants to feel like one of two birds.

The fix: Cliché as it seems, the thought really does count. More than 75 percent of women claim to want nothing more than a heart-felt love letter on February 14. Relationship psychologist Dr. Terri Orbuch also suggests a personal note trumps even chocolate. "Which says 'I love you' more: a box of candy or a handwritten note telling your partner you'd still choose him/her if you had to do it all over again?" asks Orbuch. "Show your partner why he/she matters so much to you." 


Mistake #2: Letting a bear do your bidding.Stuffed animal tricks are for kids. Giving your special lady a teddy bear holding a balloon with a pun like "I Yearn Fur You" is sweet if you're both in junior high. But in a poll by ShopRunner, a women's shopping site, members claimed teddy bears were the worst gift they had ever received on February 14. Flowers and chocolates (standard accompaniments to the stuffed animal) aren't going to win her over either.

Why it's bad: A stuffed animal not only suggests you don't take your partner seriously, it's also generic. Flowers, candy, and anything that's stamped "buy this for Valentine's Day" suggests limited thought went into the gift.

The fix:  Don't run to your nearest jeweler. It's not about the money—besides, a dozen roses and a build-a-bear don't come cheap. "In fact, depending on where a couple is in their relationship, extravagant gifts like expensive lingerie or fancy chocolates can seem overwhelming," author and etiquette expert Leah Ingram tellsBankrate.com. "If you've just started dating, a big gift can imply more depth to the relationship than is really there. It can also be awkward if the guy splurges on a big Valentine's gift, but the woman doesn't do the same." Instead, find a simple gift that shows you've been listening to your lady, like a DVD of her favorite series, or a book by an author she's mentioned. Dr. Orbuch has a more direct approach: "Think of something your partner really needs," she says. "Get the car detailed. Replace her tattered briefcase. It may not sound romantic, but thoughtfulness is a turn-on and shows you really care about your partner."

Mistake #3: Declaring Valentine’s Day a ploy for consumers
No matter how you rationalize it, the holiday is not going away. Even if your partner trumps your own disdain for the day, the risk of going along with her is too great. 

Why it’s bad: It feels like an excuse. Despite all the arguments against the day, it comes down to celebrating your relationship. “In the larger picture, cultural rituals like Valentine’s Day structure opportunities to do good things that we could do any day, but usually do not,” writes social scientist Bill  Doherty in Psychology Today. “The year I took my wife to Subway on February 14 was the low point. Eventually I realized that the cost of minimizing Valentine’s Day—the disappointment and the missed opportunity to connect—is greater than the benefits of maintaining my freedom to be spontaneously romantic on my own timetable.” 

The fix: If if really pains you to observe the date, celebrate your valentine the day before. You can also keep it low-key. Dinner is optional. The most important thing is to set aside time to talk about things that aren't "important." "Have a 10-minute conversation with your partner about anything besides kids, work, money, or domestic responsibilities," says Orbuch. "I found that the '10 Minute Rule,' practiced daily, increases intimacy, bonding, and happiness." Take a drive or rent the movie you watched on your first date: external triggers that don't cause stress can help take you back to the way you were before your everyday lives trumped romance.

Mistake #4: Sharing the day with your BlackBerry 
One in five guys will text their loving message on Valentine’s Day and one in ten will take to email. That doesn't even factor Facebook and Twitter professions of love. As sweet as 140 characters can be, old-school letters are more romantic. One survey found the obvious: women would be disappointed by an electronic gesture of affection.
Why it’s bad: In terms of effort, it’s minimal. It also brings a third party into your affair: your P.D.A. (your Personal Digital Assistant, not public displays of affection). It should be a given to turn it off during your candlelit dinner, but using it to profess love is detached. 

The fix: Buy a blank card or take a photo of the two of you and write a message on the back. It doesn't have to be long, it can even be a quote from your favorite song. But in this technological world, handwriting holds a certain intimacy. If words just aren't your thing, make a mix CD and write out the songs in pen. Your music choices will do the talking.

Mistake #5: Expecting her to make the plans
In the United States, 64 percent of men do not make V-day plans in advance. That can be a problem when at least 30 percent of women expect guys to map out the entire evening, according to Women's Health. Who's right? Who cares. To avoid conflict, just make a plan.

Why it’s bad: Making plans is a sign of commitment, even if they're not exactly what your partner had in mind. The task of putting forethought into your time together suggests you see a future together. It may sound like a leap, but on Valentine's Day, it's nothing to take lightly. 

The fix: Even if you’re strapped for cash or shut out from overbooked restaurants on what might be the busiest day for reservations, there's still hope. Preparing a meal she’ll love or simply plating a prepared meal on a candle-lit table will do the job. Providing dessert and a little wine will suggest you’ve really put thought into the night, even if you just went to the supermarket.

Mistake #6: Under-dressing
Don't wear jeans. No matter how well they fit, denims are not invited to your romantic evening for two.
Why it's bad: It suggests the day isn't as important to you as it it may be to her. Plus, getting a little dressed up adds an element of excitement that breaks the casual routine you may share on a standard date night. And excitement boosts oxytocin, the bonding hormone released during new, exciting activities that brings couples together.

The fix: Whether you're staying in or partying like a rock star, let Daniel Craig, aka James Bond, be your style muse, says men's fashion site Dappered. For a night in, try casual khakis and a crisp white shirt, like Craig wore during a scene in an Italian villa in "Quantum of Solace." For a red carpet look, try a skinny tie, or a slim-lined gray suit, like Craig has donned at premieres.

Blow Up Your Relationship with Your Mother-And Blow up your relationship with your Mom and get one step closer to being the man you want to be

Blow up your relationship with your Mom and get one step closer to being the man you want to be

If you want a very quick take on how important this article may be to your future happiness and success as a man, honestly assess your reaction to its title.

What did you feel? Were you aghast? Did it offend you? Did it piss you off? Are you utterly confused? If you’re this guy, you DESPERATELY need the wisdom found below.

Were you intrigued by the title? Did it resonate with you for some unknown reason? Did it make you smile? If you’re this guy, you also DESPERATELY need this wisdom. The difference is, it may be much easier for you to take action.

And if it turns out that you have already taken this courageous action, terrific. You’re now in a mature relationship with your mother. Good for you, and for those around you.

If you other good (or not so good) little boys want to feel what it’s like to be a real man, a real man in your relationship with your mother—and ultimately, a real man in your relationship with a significant other—then pay close attention. If you follow the advice you’re about to receive, you will never be the same. And that’ll be a good thing!

Damn That Little Boy

We’re having this conversation because something isn’t working in your life. And one place you can see it manifest is in your relationship with your mother.

You may be in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, even 60s. But when you’re visiting your mom, or having a phone conversation with her, you feel like that little boy having to obey her rules, feeling compelled to argue with her, angry as hell, or terribly sad, with how she makes you feel with her words, her “looks,” or the attitude you know so well.

You’re nodding your head. Your stomach is tightening. Your breathing has become a bit shallow. Do you know why? Well, we’re talking about you and your pain. You have felt it for years. Your girlfriends, wife, buddies, and kids have seen what happens to you when you’re in the presence of your “mommy.” What the hell is going on?

Here is where the wisdom begins. Take a deep breath. You can change what’s going on between your ears, and that will change your relationship with your mother, and that will change everything for you as a man.

Weak vs. Powerful

When you’re with your mother, or just having thoughts or a discussion about her, and you find yourself angry, resentful, sad, withdrawn, irritable, silent, withholding, stubborn, argumentative, or just numb, you are what many of us guys in the men’s biz would call “not in your power.” You know when you’re not in your power. You can feel it. You just might not have ever labeled it. 

You’re not in your power when you feel weak, stuck, paralyzed, victimized, and in the problem. And you feel weak when these negative feelings take hold.

How did this happen? Well, you had help. When you were young, you learned how a man behaves with, responds to, and deals with women. Your greatest teacher, for better or worse, was probably dad.

Whatever your circumstances, a young boy learns from his parents (or other adults) how to thrive or survive in relationships. Depending on the level of dysfunction in your family of origin, you may have had to develop some very interesting coping skills.

For example, if dad was a coward, and mom grew to be (in your eyes) an angry, controlling “bitch”, you know very well how to “please” mommy so as to avoid her wrath. Or, dad may have left (divorced, died, abandoned, abused, etc.) the family when you were young, and mom bestowed upon you her resentment toward men.

What happens for these unfortunate boys is that they grow up to be self-hating men. These men unconsciously do not trust other men or themselves. For these guys, being who they are—men—is shameful. As a result, they relinquish all power to the women in their lives, without even being asked. This offering up of men’s power is one of the main contributors to women feeling unsafe, insecure, and, ultimately, resentful and angry. (A fabulous topic for a future post.)

To relinquish power is to be other than the man you want to be in a given situation. You don’t speak up. You avoid conflict in the face of intolerable circumstances. You lie to appease. You lie to yourself, attempting to believe that you are not disappointed or even disgusted with your own behavior.

Back to mom.

Mama’s Boy

Though this will probably not come as news to you, you are a “mama’s boy.” You don’t like that diagnosis? You want a second opinion? OK. You never feel, honestly, as if you measure up as a real man. There’s your second opinion.

Your primary concern is in pleasing your mother, trying not to worry her, worrying about her and how she feels, trying to change your mother, annoying your wife with your concerns about your mom, arguing with your mom, letting your mom dictate family schedules, allowing her gift of guilt to guide your choices… must I go on? This is so painful. Let’s get out of this problem and into the solution, shall we? Let’s blow up this relationship and give you the opportunity to finally be the man, husband, and father you want to be, and that your family needs.

“Blow up? That sounds so violent, Wayne, so unnecessarily macho. Couldn’t you communicate this concept in a more professional, therapeutic way, a way that honors me, my mother and our relationship?” Mmmmm, let me think…NO! Grow up.

There’s nothing to be honored about your current “good little boy” relationship with your mother. It has run its course. You no longer have any need of it. It needs to be jettisoned, like a rocket booster that’s out of fuel. It’s killing you, killing your relationship with your woman, compromising your effectiveness as a father, and keeping you weak as a man in every part of your life. Got it? Let’s blow this “muthah” up, move on, and be the best man, husband, father, and son you can be!

Blowing Up Your Relationship

Ultimately, you’re going to create a whole new relationship with your mother. It’ll be a mature relationship, on your terms. It’ll be loving, attentive, helpful, considerate—whatever you want it to be. But it won’t be like the old relationship. And as difficult as it may be for you to imagine this change in your life, I can assure that I, and many men I’ve coached, have made the transition and have lived, happily, to tell of it. Here’s what you’ll want to do:

Set Your Terms

I teach men to develop and honor their N.U.T.s, non-negotiable, unalterable terms. Without these terms, expect nothing to change. With these terms, everything is possible. Remember, these are changes in you, in your thought process and in your behavior.

We’re not talking about changing others, though you changing may very well motivate others to change in response. Blowing up your little boy relationship with your mother doesn’t require anything of her. This is where you start to take back your power.

Here are a few terms (N.U.T.s) to consider:

When she becomes critical, our conversation is over. (Because you will no longer conduct conversations with your mother that you would not conduct with any other human being.)

The needs of my new family supercede those of my mother. (Because you want to be happily married. This doesn’t mean you can’t accommodate and care for your mother in an appropriate manner.)

When my mother visits, the conditions of her visit will first be agreed upon by me and my wife. (Because you need to remember whose life and house you’re responsible for.)

My mother will not be left alone with, or allowed to drive, my kids. (Because you do not trust her, or she has lost her capacity to responsibly care for your children or to drive an automobile. You are responsible for making this call, period.)

I will no longer try to change, correct, or argue with my mother. (Because I no longer need to be right, or work on my own issues through my mother. What I have to change in me, I will address. She’s responsible for her own life, choices, and growth.)

Make No Announcements

You can’t ask for permission to be the man you want to be. So don’t try doing so here. There’s no need to alert the media about this change in your intentions. There’s no need to make any form of announcement to your mother, or to anyone else, though it’s perfectly fine to include your wife in your plans.

Grab your balls and act. At your first opportunity, honor your new N.U.T. If you’re really being the man you want to be, nothing she does or say can truly keep you from following through.

She will definitely be unhappy with you. But eventually, if you’re consistent, she will learn that if she wants to have a relationship with her son, she will have to conform. This works. It REALLY does. You don’t have to explain a thing. You’ll just have to tell her, ONCE, that if she insists on doing that thing she does that is no longer acceptable to you, you will end the conversation.

Get Support

As you can already anticipate, this is going to be, possibly, enormously difficult for you. It will upset you. You will find yourself in doubt and fear. You might feel guilty that you are somehow “slowly killing your mother.” You might believe what she tells you about yourself. All of this is to be expected. It’s the fire you must go through. But you don’t have to go through it alone. You’ll need support.

That support should come from other men. Let a man, or circle of men, hold you accountable, prop you up, and encourage you to stay the course. Chances are, these other guys have to do the same demolition to their own relationships with mom.

You Must Remember This

You must remember that this process has nothing to do with blaming your mother. The problem is that you already do. What’s being suggested here is to stop blaming her, to start accepting her for who she is, and then relating to her as an adult who needs nothing from her, rather than a little boy who is completely dependent upon her.

And this can happen even if your mother has already passed. You can still—and you must—honor her for having done her best, and accept her for whatever you saw as her shortcomings. Then, let her know, in your own way, that you no longer need her to mother you, and that you have matured into a grown man. You’re ready to cut the apron strings. Create a ritual, and take this exercise seriously. Let your mother know, and let it sink into your own heart, that you love her and thank her for having done her best.

If you’ve always had a loving, respectful relationship with your mother, and have never felt anger toward her, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re not angry and that you don’t need to create a new, mature relationship with her. For many good little boys, being angry with mom was—something you learned as a child— totally unacceptable. Allow yourself the opportunity to become completely conscious and assess your true feelings for and relationship with mom. Consider how your unexpressed anger with her may be seeping out onto your girlfriend, wife, daughter, and other relationships with women.

When you blow up this relationship, and allow yourself to have a mature, loving relationship with your mother, your life and all of your relationships will forever be altered. You’ll feel more like the man you want to be, and you’ll be more the husband and father your family needs you to be.

I encourage you to do the work necessary to get clear about your current relationship with your mother. If you have the courage to do this work, you’ll see you have the courage to face any challenge in your life.

I had sex with my business partner's girlfriend

I had sex with my business partner's girlfriend

Dear Marcos,

I run a small IT business with my friend. We've been working together for a few years and have known each other since we were in college. I'm 28 and not been in a relationship for some time -- he's 29 and been dating this girl for two years.

But he treats her like crap. The last straw was a few nights ago when me and him were in a bar and he pulled some chick. The two of them left early but he forgot his phone. I took it with me to give to him at work the next day.

His girlfriend's a really nice girl. I've known her for a couple of years and she's hoping to marry my friend. He's promised her that he's going to take her on holiday to Florida next summer. She told me that she thinks he's going to propose there and she's very excited.

But how can she even date this guy, let alone marry him?

When I got back to my apartment I tried calling his house to tell him I had his phone, but he wasn't there. I sat around for a while thinking about it all, then decided I'd get his girlfriend's number from his phone and tell her everything that was going on.

She told me to come around and I arrived and told her everything. She started crying. I held her in my arms and she looked up at me and I kissed her. She kissed me back. It felt wonderful. One thing led to aother and before either of us knew it, we were in bed having the best sex of our lives.

she thanked me for telling her afterwards and I left to go home.

The problem is that she told her boyfriend -- my friend and business partner -- what happened! They've split up, but I don't want to lose my business, or my friend. What should I do?

Marcos Viñas Says…

Ok. This goes down as one of the most stupid things a friend can do.

Why, oh, why must friends go into business with each other? Can't you get enough of each other? Friends and business partners don't mix.

And why did you take it on yourself to interfere with you friend's love-life? Is it your business? No.

As far as having sex with his girlfriend is concerned I'd have to say that's pretty low. Keep it in your pants for goodness sake. You went over there to tell her that her boyfriend was a two-timing jerk and when she gets all upset you jump on her like an Olympic pole vaulter leaping onto a crash mat.

The telling thing is how you list the consequences of your actions. The first thing you don't want to lose is your business! Really, dude, I'd be more worried about my self respect. Then my friend's respect.

Some simple rules for you:

1. Don't meddle with things that are none of your concern.
2. If you must meddle, make sure you don't make things worse.
3. Don't have sex with your friend's girlfriend. Ever. Period.
4. Don't have sex with vulnerable women.
5. Think of other people before yourself sometimes.
You deserve what you're gonna get. It sounds like your friend is a jerk so you're both in good company. 

And it sounds like he's not too in love with this girl anyway, not that that's the point. Dude may well forgive you, but he's not going to trust you ever again.

And that's going to make business tricky.

All you can do is tell him you're sorry, that it was none of your business and you shouldn't have gotten involved. maybe telling him that you're a tool might help.

If you're still seeing the girlfriend, tell her to sort out her relationship with your friend. She has all the cards now and should play them as she sees fit. You may want to tell her that you're a tool as well.

Finally, go home and look at yourself in a mirror and tell yourself you're a tool.

Hopefully, things will work out well in a while's time. Good luck.

Are You Marriage Material?

·         Studies suggest you should be at least 26 years old when you get married.

·         Contrary to popular belief, living together before marriage is not a good move.

·         Compromise is a key ingredient in successful long-term relationships.

"Studies suggest you should be at least 26 years old when you get married."

If you’ve ever mulled over the idea of popping the question or have had a girlfriend put pressure on you to do so, you know how life-altering making this decision feels. To help you avoid making any choices you may regret, we’ve compiled a list you can use to evaluate your readiness for marriage. From your demographics to your childhood experiences to your personal values, personality and attitudes toward relationships, we’ve rounded up the five important factors you should assess to determine if you're marriage material.

Demographics

Simple demographics, such as your age when you get married, your level of education and your income can have a surprising impact on the success of your marriage. For example, studies suggest you should be at least 26 years old when you get married (Source: National Survey of Family Growth, 2002, conducted by the National Center for Health Statistics). As well, staying in school seems to have an effect on whether or not you get married at all -- 64% of college graduates are married compared to 48% of those with high school diplomas (Source: Pew Research Center). Finally, if your and your prospective mate's combined income is at least $50,000, you have a 68% chance of reaching your 15th wedding anniversary, whereas if your salary falls into a lower income bracket, the likelihood that you’ll ever marry is lower (Source: Pew Research Center).

Made for marriage: You’re headed toward your 30s (or you’re already into them), you have at least one degree under your belt and you and your girlfriend earn a combined minimum of $50,000 per year.

Your Attachment Style

Your attachment style characterizes the way you behave and feel in relationships, and stems largely from early childhood experiences with your parents. Approximately 65% of children can be classified as having a secure attachment style, with the other 35% classifiable as having one of the other three insecure attachment styles, which are known as anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant and fearful-avoidant (Source: Prior & Glasser, 2006). Adults with secure attachment styles tend to choose partners with secure attachment styles and go on to have lasting relationships. Individuals with insecure attachment styles, alternatively, are drawn toward mates with insecure attachment styles and have higher chances of divorcing (Source: Clarke-Stewart & Brentano, 2006).

Made for marriage: As a child, you had your emotional needs met and were loved consistently. As an adult, your romantic relationships have not been plagued by a pattern of jealousy, continual fear that your partner will leave you or the belief that you’re better off without a relationship.

Your Values

Personal values, such as your reasons for getting hitched in the first place and your views on the purpose of marriage, also exert a significant influence on whether you’re marriage material. As well, whether or not you live with your girlfriend before you tie the knot also affects the prospective success of a marriage. Even though it’s now common for most couples to do so, living together before you’re engaged is not necessarily a good test of whether your marriage will work. In fact, it may even be detrimental -- as cohabitating actually results in a 6% drop in the likelihood that you’ll stay married for more than a decade (Source: National Survey of Family Growth, 2002, conducted by the National Center for Health Statistics).

That means that if you favor the more conservative route of waiting until you’re engaged to move in, chances are you’ll still be living under the same roof 10 years later. To decide if marriage is right for you, it’s also important to examine what the institution means to you in the first place. According to research, 87% of married people say that marriage is about a lifelong commitment and 81% believe its about companionship, whereas only 59% say it’s about children and a mere 31% site financial stability as a good reason to walk down the aisle (Source: Pew Research Center). What’s more, the quality of the friendship you have with your bride-to-be might account for up to 70% of the satisfaction both of you will feel with the sex, romance and passion in your marriage (Source: John Gottman, 1999).

Made for marriage: Consider it a sign that marriage may be in the cards if you’re ready for a serious commitment, you’ve met someone with whom you have a deep sense of friendship and you’re not rushing into the relationship by shacking up too early.

“About 80% of divorced men note that their marriage ended because they lost a sense of closeness with their partners... "

Your Personality

Studies suggest that approximately 25% of divorces are the result of personality differences between partners (Source: Psychology Today). Neuroticism is particularly deadly for a marriage: neurotic individuals tend to harbor feelings of anger and hostility, feel frequently self-conscious and irritable and may be prone to depression and anxiety (Source: Psychology Today). If that sounds like you, consider what impact this personality trait has had on your previous relationships, then try figure out some alternative ways to deal with stress and emotional difficulties in order to improve the quality of your next one.

Made for marriage: You have a reasonably easygoing personality, meaning that you tend to look on the bright side and you don’t sweat the small stuff.
    
The attitudes you bring to your relationship play a role in determining whether it will grow stronger or eventually fall apart. About 80% of divorced men note that their marriage ended because they lost a sense of closeness with their partners (Source: The Divorce Mediation Project), so try to develop stress management skills when it comes to interpersonal relationships.

Your Attitudes Toward Relationships

Maintaining a strong bond between yourself and your partner will require some effort if you want your marriage to be successful. Moreover, research shows that when a man is not willing to share power with his wife, there is an 81% chance that his marriage will fail (Source: John Gottman, 1999). This statistic makes sense -- after all, maintaining a long-term relationship requires compromise, so if you can’t handle not having everything your way, your marriage will not progress smoothly. Compromise includes everything from family decisions to finances, in-laws and even domestic chores. According to sociologist Ann Oakley, 87% of couples do not share housework and men tend to overestimate the amount they do. Women, however, find men who are willing to do housework extremely sexy, so if you think of compromise as a way to boost your sex life rather than a loss of power, you’re high-quality marriage material.

Made for marriage: You understand that a relationship is a work in progress. Whether you’ve been together for a year or for 20, you know that the trick to fueling the fire of your relationship is to work on compromising and ensuring that you and your partner continue to engage in mutually enjoyable activities that make you feel close.   

Marriage Material

Hopefully, this breakdown has helped you take stock of a few things so that you now have a better idea of whether or not you’re marriage material. Of course, it’s important to remember that there are exceptions to every rule, so you and your future wife may beat the odds no matter how many numbers are against you. However, rather than blindly hoping that will be the case, it’s always a good idea (no matter where you fall in terms of statistics) to be honest about any trouble spots suggested by your profile. Dealing with those issues now will only improve the quality of your relationships, whether or not you choose to say “I do.”