Bad credit: A deal breaker for many singles

By Blake Ellis

First comes love ... then comes a credit check.

For many singles, bad credit can be a deal breaker when it comes to finding love. About 30% of women and 20% of men say they won't marry a person with a low credit score, according to a new survey from FreeCreditScore.com that polled 1,000 adults.

Most respondents also said money management skills are just as important as looks when deciding whether someone is worth pursuing.

This is especially true for women, with nearly all female respondents ranking financial responsibility and financial compatibility as more important or just as important as career ambition, physical attraction and sex and intimacy, the survey found.

Male respondents said financial savvy is just as important as physical attraction, slightly less important than sex and intimacy and much more important than career ambition.

While 57% of men say that credit scores play into their dating decisions, a staggering 75% of women said they consider the numerical rating. Credit scores are calculated based on your payment history, amount owed, the types of credit you have and the number of years that credit has been available to you.

Linda Basloe, a 57-year-old from Herkimer, N.Y., with excellent credit, said she won't even give a man her digits until she knows his credit score.

"I definitely consider bad credit a deal breaker," she said. "I wouldn't even consider someone in that situation -- the joke about me has always been 'to please fill out a credit application and I will consider [you].'"

Why such concern over this magic number? Respondents said they worry that a partner with bad credit could hurt their prospects for qualifying for home loans, auto loans or lower interest rates and they'd be irresponsible about handling joint finances.

Basloe said she has worked hard to achieve financial independence and doesn't want a relationship with someone financially irresponsible to ruin that.

20% of men and 30% of women say they won't marry someone with a poor credit score, a new survey finds.

"I wouldn't attach myself to someone who would bring me down -- mortgage-wise, or when it comes to buying a larger house or even [qualifying for] insurance rates -- it affects every aspect of your life," she said. "It doesn't matter how beautiful they are, that's not going to pay the mortgage."

"I wouldn't attach myself to someone who would bring me down -- mortgage-wise, or when it comes to buying a larger house or even [qualifying for] insurance rates -- it affects every aspect of your life," she said. "It doesn't matter how beautiful they are, that's not going to pay the mortgage."

But no matter how important it may be, it can be an awkward topic to broach. Roughly half of the survey respondents have talked about their credit score with a romantic interest, with 39% discussing it during the first year of a relationship, 21% bringing it up before committing to a relationship and 19% comparing scores before moving in together. A mere 1% discussed their scores on a first date.

Basloe doesn't ask someone for their credit score before dating them because she thinks they could easily lie, but she does look for red flags. She scans the local newspaper for people who owe back taxes, pays attention to what kind of car a man drives and whether he has purchased a home or is still renting.

Jerry Koller, a 50-year old from Irvine, Calif., said he put a halt to a budding romance a couple of years ago after seeing stacks of unopened bills and rent notices in his date's kitchen.

"I went to dinner and casually asked her about her credit and she told me she couldn't buy a car recently as her scores were no good," he said. "[I] made it a last date."

To cater to the credit-obsessed, there are even dating sites where you can find someone in your score range. At Creditscoredating.com, credit scores are factored into the matchmaking process, pairing you with users who have similar scores. Since scores are self-reported, however, it's hard to tell if someone is telling the truth.

According to the site's scoring guide:

"800-850 is 'MARRIAGE POTENTIAL DING DING DING' 750-800 is 'take him/her home to Mom' 700-750 is a 'fixer-upper' 650-700 is 'fun for a night out, maybe, but bring cash' 600-650 is 'keep lookin'!'; anything below 500 is 'RUN because they won't even get a car loan, probably, and how embarrassing will that be at the PTA meetings?' 200 is 'this person is just pulling your leg and is really royalty.'"

Similarly, Texas matchmaker Melanie Matcek said she runs background checks on clients before helping them find love. While she doesn't pull their credit scores, she says she can get a clear picture of their financial situations and find out if they've ever been in legal trouble that would have impacted their credit.

"If they are unstable financially, they are weeded out," she said. "I've run across many singles that are looking for someone to 'rescue' them. This is a recipe for disaster. Everyone must be able to stand on their own two feet first." 

Do you only date people with perfect credit? E-mail blake.ellis@turner.com to share your story.

First-Date Sex: Why You Should Pass

First-Date Sex: Why You Should Pass

·         Better Man in brief ...

·        

            - Waiting to have sex creates anticipation -- imagine how good it will be.

·         -Do you think she's a slut? Good. Then don't treat her like one with first-date sex.

·        - Passing on the first date gives you time to do your homework (she might be crazy).

"It’s quite an anticlimax to get to know each other after you’ve already had sex."

She’s hot, you’re eager and there’s so much sexual tension, you are one drink away from suggesting you go back to your place. Stop. It actually could be better if you don’t see each other naked on the first date. No, really. Not only will she be flattered that you don’t see her as nothing but a piece of meat, but keeping your pants on could be good for you too. So if you’re interested in pursuing a relationship with her, it’s probably in your best interest to take that cold shower.

Here are some reasons first-date sex is best left undone.

Waiting Creates Anticipation

In our quick-fix society, anticipation has been shoved away in favor of immediate pleasure. But waiting a little longer before having sex in a romantic relationship is important because it gives you something to look forward to. If you enjoy the main prize of sex on a first date, you’re starting the process back to front. It’s quite an anticlimax to get to know each other after you’ve already had sex.

Waiting Creates Challenge

If you don’t let yourself get hot and heavy right away, you can create challenge. This means letting her do some work in chasing you, as well as moving slowly and then holding back a bit so that her interest is raised. It doesn’t take a genius to see how this strategy could be ruined by having sex too quickly. If you indulge in first-date sex, you’re showing her you’re very interested right off the bat, which makes it more difficult to be a bit distant afterward if you are keen on pursuing a real relationship. It could also make her think a relationship with you is a done deal (you know how some women still view sex as synonymous with coupledom).

Waiting Shows You Don’t Think She’s A Slut

If you’re quick to show her the way to your bedroom, she might think you view her as nothing but a cheap date. She’ll think you see her as someone who does this with all the men she meets. And chances are, she’ll be right. So hold off on sex for now. Although she’s attracted to you, ultimately she wants to know you respect her and are interested to know more about her than how she looks naked.

Waiting Keeps You Interested

Not only does anticipation go AWOL after you have sex on the first date, but chances are your interest will take a dive too. You might not even feel the need to get to know her once you’ve had sex, and so gone is the interest in trying to see if you’d work as a couple. If you press pause on sex for a while, you give yourself a chance to get to know her when lust is not clouding your vision. Then sex becomes the reward for keeping that interest burning.

We have a few more reasons why first-date sex should be turned down.

It’s important to know her vibe before you take her to the next level, in order to avoid bad sex complications."

Waiting Shows You’re A Gentleman

Chivalry in the form of throwing your jacket over puddles to prevent your lady from getting her shoes wet may have left the dating scene long ago, but avoiding first-date sex is right up there with the greats. Suggesting sex after knowing her a few hours makes her feel you’re only after one thing, you don’t respect her or you’re the Don Juan of the town. Talk about a turnoff if she’s keen on a relationship that lasts longer than one night.

Waiting Gives You Time To Evaluate Her

Since you’ve just met her, you don’t really know her other than some things about her life, interests and job. If you add carnal knowledge to the list too quickly, you miss out on other crucial info you should be spending sex time trying to discover. For instance, is she a crazy chick who is going to assume that you’re a full-fledged couple after you’ve had sex? Will she turn into a human version of Velcro the morning after? It’s important to know her vibe before you take her to the next level, in order to avoid bad sex complications. 

Good Things Come To Those Who Wait

Sex is important in a relationship; there’s no doubt about it. But making a slow transition to sex will result in an even more mind-blowing experience when the full act does happen. By then you’ll know if you’re in sync with each other, you can suss out the chemistry, and sex can become something that cements your relationship even more. So if she’s a woman you’d like to call your girlfriend in the near future, wait sex out a little longer, buddy. It’ll pay off.

WHY WOMEN GLADLY DATE UGLY LOOKING MEN

WHY WOMEN GLADLY DATE UGLY LOOKING MEN

It's a pretty well known fact that most women - attractive women - will happily date ugly men. We see it on TV -- in shows like King of Queens, though I would probably argue that Kevin James is kind of a stud, and really, that's exactly the point I plan on making-- and we see it in our friends.

There are plenty of studies on this strangely anti-Darwinian phenomenon - studies which I think don't answer the question as well as I, with my oh-so-steadfast opinions, can, do, and will.

So let's talk about this. Let's talk about what exactly is wrong with these conventionally attractive men, and let's talk about what is right about these, well, conventionally un-attractive men.

Anecdotal evidence aside, I know for a fact that I don't find "hot" men attractive.* Let me clarify - I find them pleasing to the eye, and every so often quite tempting, but I don't find myself actually attracted to them. And here I have to admit that I am undoubtedly judging their books by their covers, but I have yet to find the exception to the rule.

To explain: These high-school hotties are used to having the sort of unadulterated, fawning adoration that the symmetrically blessed always get in high-school, but the problem is that it doesn't do them any good. In fact, it's fair to say that it categorically does them harm.

They're trained from a young age to be (often) unjustifiably self-assured, to eschew personality and affability for cocksure confidence, and to generally treat people like the feudal system is alive and kickin'.

Am I making a sweeping generalization? No doubt. Can the same argument be used against women? Sometimes. But I find that women are much more inclined to date with their emotions - to pick a man that is funny, comforting, kind, and generous - and they'll often pick one or all of those traits over his looks.

I also have a little (and relatively untested) theory. I believe that women tend to come into themselves -- appearance-wise -- much later in school than men. And because of this I think women tend to retain some memory of what it means to be liked (or disliked) for who one is, not how one looks.

The bottom line: Ask any woman who she'd rather have as her boyfriend -- the lovably awkwardAlbert Brennaman (aka Kevin James -- told you he was the crux of the arugment) from Hitch, or Hugh Grant's wholly irredeemable Daniel Cleaver from Bridget Jones' Diary?

So -- let's start here. Which one would you pick? Did I just set womankind back a generation? Or do you wholly agree? Please share. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

DOES THE GUY ALWAYS HAVE TO PAY?

DOES THE GUY ALWAYS HAVE TO PAY?

(3 GUYS & A GIRL SOUND OFF)

Adam Says . . .

I have been with my girlfriend for 5 months. During this time, I am paying for most of our meals and activities, with her fronting some of the small stuff. I really don’t mind this arrangement as I am a working individual and she is a student.

The problem comes that she is from an affluent family. Sometimes she orders things, and requests for things that are just a tiny bit outside of my standard of living, although I can still afford it. On top of that – it’s also in her culture to have guys pay for everything. I sometimes feel she doesn’t always have my wallet’s best interest in mind. However, I would like you guys to think she’s naive about it rather than being a gold digger about it.

The question I want to ask you guys and gals out there is – do you expect the man to pay for everything? For how long?

Ricardo Says . . .

Probably opening up a can of worms to a classic debate… but the question popped into my mind again while reading Madame X’s latest posting on the subject at My Open Wallet.

It’s a tough question because it brings up all sorts of issues on equality, feminism, and independence.

Personally, call me old-fashion, but I still have a certain drive to foot the bill when the check comes. My reasoning? It’s mostly because I’m the one begging asking for the night out.

Am I a sucker perfect for targets by “gold diggers?” Probably not, since driving a Honda Civic doesn’t exactly scream baller.  And the fact of the matter is, most people should be able to spot a less than genuine intention.

And this goes both ways too, of course. If you’re the guy and you’re paying the bill for silly reasonings, other than simply wanting to treat someone out, it’ll come across as pretty obvious.

At the end, I also believe that the entire thing can be a moot point as long as both party is on the same page when it comes to the matter.  As long as there aren’t any strange strings attached, it shouldn’t be an issue whether the guy or the girl pays for the bill — first date or not.

What’s your take?

Chris Morran Says…

It's nearly the weekend, which means at least some of you will be going out on dates, a handful of which will be first date. And in spite of all talk of gender equality, many people still think it's the man's job to foot the bill.

Over at TheGloss.com, nearly 61% of their readers have said unequivocally that men should pay for the first date every time. Less than 27% said the bill should be split evenly while not even 5% of respondents said it's okay to let him pay if they intend on "putting out," language which we here at Consumerist most certainly don't condone.

So, of course, we wanted to get a measure of how our readers feel about this age-old topic. And what better way to do that with poll? Sound off in the comments...

Julia Says…

Does your relationship follow the rule that the guy must pay for every outing? While chivalry is definitely important, is paying the check every week at The Yardhouse included in this?

If you answered yes, ask yourself why? The ancient dichotomy between a man and a woman – man make money, woman keep house – is exactly that, ancient.

Today women are just as powerful and successful as men; they simply don’t need anyone to buy their ticket to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part one. They don’t need someone to pay for drinks at Blue Martini every other Friday, and they laugh in the face of any guy that says they have the option to quit their job because he will take care of them.

Choosing to let a guy pay for things however, is quite a different story. The truth is lots of guys enjoy paying. The ability to provide for one’s girlfriend is satisfying, and many men feel like it’s simply their job. Plus, on those first few dates any respectable girl expects a gentleman to handle the bill. The woman has graced the man with her presence for the evening; the least he can do is pay for the couscous. Why break tradition?

After you've passed the "we're dating" phase and you’ve both decided this is the only person you want to walk your dog with, equality must reign. Even though tradition dictates men should always pay for outings, big deal! Independent women who love their partners shun tradition. And the men they've chosen cannot help but admire and respect their girlfriend’s decision to contribute to the relationship.

Even if the boyfriend doesn’t mind always shelling out money for Sunday morning brunches and afternoon lattes, that's fine. This just means the girlfriend is with a gallant and responsible man. However, it seems hard to deem a relationship equal when the girlfriend’s debit card never makes an appearance at the cash register.

Being equal doesn’t mean splitting everything 50/50 or taking tallied turns paying for outings. Since equality is subjective, each couple should find their own balance. And, if you’re both in a relationship you value, you’ll gladly make the effort.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

SEXTING ETIQUETTE

SEXTING ETIQUETTE

·         Better Man in brief ...

·         Don't sext if you're not sure the gesture will be welcomed.

·         If you haven't yet been in bed together, sexting is probably a bad idea.

·         If you must sext, descriptions work much better than images for women.

"It’s generally a good rule of thumb to not sext anyone you haven’t sexed in real life first."

You're always taking a bit of a risk when you send a sext. Now that your statement of sexual intent is out there, it has the potential to blow up in your face. Just ask Brett Favre. Only a few months ago, Favre was accused of sexually harassing at least three employees of the New York Jets, including Jenn Sterger, a Jets sideline reporter. The drama is ongoing. But lawsuits and marital infidelity aside, the aspect of this story getting the most attention is that Favre allegedly sent pictures of his penis to Sterger. Of course, these photos have been leaked to the public along with some pretty pathetic voice mail messages from Favre to Sterger.

Men everywhere can learn from Favre’s misfortunes in this situation. Before you decide to photograph your member and sext it to a girl you’re pursuing, find out what she will think about receiving it. To find out how to avoid your own sexting scandal, AskMen has a breakdown of sexting etiquette for you.

Don’t Sext What You Wouldn’t Say

The ability to text has made us all a little bolder when it comes to our communications, but if you wouldn’t say something out loud to someone, you probably shouldn’t text it. The extra anonymity provided by texting and online interaction makes it more tempting to let loose with your dirtiest talk, but use a little discretion. Remember, a text message or an e-mail leaves a technological footprint that could come back to haunt you. Sometimes, even things you would say in the heat of the moment in bed should never be put in writing. When in doubt, do not sext.

No Unsolicited Sexting

Just as you would assess a woman’s openness to flirting in person, you should also determine whether or not she’s into receiving your texts on her phone before you pour it on. The fact that she gave you her number is not an invitation to start sexting away at the first opportunity. Start off by flirting casually to see if she responds, then let it build up gradually from there. It’s generally a good rule of thumb to not sext anyone you haven’t sexed in real life first. You would be pretty safe in assuming that she won’t mind getting a steamy text from you when you’ve already gotten busy between the sheets.

Next, three more pieces of advice that will keep you out of the doghouse…

“Men are very visual creatures when it comes to sex. This is why pornography works so well for them."

Sext With Words Rather Than Images

A man will have more success sticking to words when he’s sexting a woman rather than sending pics of his junk. A woman’s sexuality is largely mental, meaning that telling her what you’re going to do to her when you get together will be much more stimulating than a picture of your nether regions. Share your ideas about what the two of you could do in private and you’ll have her blushing every time she checks her phone. Let her use her imagination and have your member stick to in-person appearances only.

Photograph For Your Audience

Men are very visual creatures when it comes to sex. This is why pornography works so well for them. Women, on the other hand, are not as turned on by images. So receiving a picture of your pride and joy is not likely to do it for her. Men are also more likely to fixate on a certain body part than a woman is. Getting a picture of a girl’s rack will get a guy much more turned on than a woman would be looking at just a man’s penis. Women prefer the whole package. A sexy body all together is a turn-on; a solo shot of his wang is not.

Just Say No To Sexting

Brett Favre's situation was exaggerated due to his fame and previous public indiscretions, but the same behavior could spell disaster for you too.

MARRIAGE & FACEBOOK?

A Little FACEBOOK Love Never Hurt Nobody!

Although officially Facebook is not an online dating site, many consider it to be one in disguise. Thousands of people looking for romance click on other's profiles to see if they're cute, or if they have similar interests that might spark a relationship. As one senior wrote, "Before, the point when a relationship went from casual to serious was meeting the parents. Now it's announcing your relationship on your Facebook profile." Another senior writes that that the most painful part of a breakup is when you click on your ex's profile and see that he/she has changed their entry in the Relationship status to "single".

I can hear lots of you saying, "So? What's wrong with that?"

The answer is, plenty. And although even I think that it's way too late to put the Facebook dating genie back in the bottle, there are some things to think about that should make you go hmm when you consider developing a serious relationship via Facebook.

Most people decide that someone on Facebook interests them because of their profile. What exactly does the Facebook profile tell you? Well, it tells you the person's university, their major, their age, their hobbies and interests, favorite movie, books, music, etc. And lots of people think that common profile elements are a strong reason to begin cultivating a relationship.

Hmm.

That means that, when you go out with your Facebook date, you feel as though you already know them. You have lots to talk about, because you have common interests. The relationship develops more and more and you become deeply involved, to the point where you begin to think you might actually have found your real, true soul mate.

Just one problem: You don't know very much about this person.

You know that you have common interests, hobbies, likes and dislikes. But a deep, lifelong relationship cannot be based on the fact that you both love Fall Out Boy, your favorite novel is The Firm and you've both seen The Titanic 15 times. It's not enough to know that you both enjoy foosball and love mango flavored ice cream. There are other, deeper and far more fundamental issues that you need to explore before you can make any kind of long-term decisions.

Hmm.

So how do you figure out if the person you're dating is really the right one for you? It's actually somewhat easier than you think. There are four deal-breakers, four non-negotiable factors in finding your soul mate. If you can find someone with all four, it's highly likely that you've found your life partner, with whom you can build a relationship that will last. And no, these four do not appear anywhere on Facebook.

Look for someone who:

1)   Has a Higher Commitment
Before you decide to marry someone, make sure that they are fully committed to some kind of objective moral and ethical standard. Whether we realize it or not, everyone has some kind of core value that is central to their personality. And when push comes to shove, that value is going to be the most important thing in the world to that person.

Let's take a couple named Jeff and Mindy, who connected through Facebook and are seriously considering becoming engaged. Jeff's core value is adventure, and he'll do almost anything for a thrill. When he and Mindy start dating he happens to be volunteering in the local ER four times a week. Mindy really admires this and thinks that Jeff is amazing. Well, Mindy, he might be amazing, but he's in the ER because he loves adventure. His adventurous streak happens to be expressing itself in a kind way - but what if that changes all of the sudden? He might begin to do things for adventure that Mindy thinks are wrong, or even immoral. Then what's she going to do?

That's why finding out the other person's core value is so important.

So, how do you figure it out? It's pretty simple. No matter what a person's core value is, you'll see him or her constantly sacrificing for it. So if Jeff's core value is adventure, he might risk an accident in order to speed through an intersection, or come late to work because he was following a police chase. By following him closely, Mindy will see that Jeff places adventure above other things on his list of priorities.

But if Jeff's core value is goodness, is helping others, then Mindy will see him sacrifice for that. He'll come late to work because he helped an old lady home with her groceries; he'll let the other guy cross the intersection first even though it was his turn.

So the first deal-breaker is to make sure that the person you're thinking of marrying is deeply committed to a higher set of values that you appreciate.

2)   Treats Others Courteously
You obviously want to marry someone who is going to treat you well. But how can you tell? This is even easier than #1. When you're with this person, pay attention to how they treat other people whom they're not trying to charm. Do they say thank you to people like gas station attendants and bank tellers? Are they courteous to waiters and ushers? Or do they let the parking attendant have it for taking a bit too long to bring the car? Do they drive aggressively, as though they own the road? Ask yourself these questions and similar ones, and take note of the answers - because these characteristics are going to come out down the line. They show the real persona - the one you'll discover after you're married.

3)   Has Good Communication Skills
In other words, communication skills (something difficult to appreciate over the Internet!). Make sure that you are both on the same wavelength, so that you don't enter a relationship that is replete with frequent disagreements that later turn out to be misunderstandings. You don't need that headache. Although minor misunderstandings can always occur, check to make sure that they are relatively infrequent - because after marriage, arguments can absolutely ruin the atmosphere in the house.

4) Is Attractive to You
Physical attraction is the one, essential aspect of marriage that you might think Facebook portrays accurately. Think again. People are not always the same in real life as they are in the photos on their page. While sometimes the person may be much better looking in life than in a still, many times it works the opposite way. If this happens, and you find yourself disappointed in your date's physical appearance, don't make any premature decisions. Often, as a relationship develops, the person's looks may "grow" on you, and you will find them very attractive. This is especially true when the relationship is based on these four factors.

So as you're clicking around, keep these four deal breakers in mind. They are the key to finding and building a beautiful, warm loving relationship that will outlast any interest or hobby -even Fall Out Boy -and even Facebook.

How to Be More Than Just A Fling To Him

Chris Carter-  Dating Coach

Did you know that most men decide if a woman is "girlfriend material" within a few seconds of meeting her?

That's right - if you don't know how to create the right first impression with a man, then you just might get thrown into the "just a friend" category FOR GOOD. That's why it's important to understand what causes a man to be attracted to you at a deeper level from the get-go.

Men think of women as relationship material - or a "cool girl" - when they see that a woman understands something that other women can't even see going on.

"Cool girls" exude positive emotional energy that men can relate to. And they're "naturally" the kind of women who every man is inexplicably drawn to, even if they don't look like a supermodel.

Here's a list of what "cool girls" DON'T DO:

1.   -Cool Girls DON'T exaggerate about what's going on around them or what a man's doing, unless they're doing it as a joke or to make fun of a man in a playful way

2.   -Cool Girls DON'T say everything that they're feeling and experiencing. They think before they speak

3.   -Cool Girls DON'T mention bad situations, issues or problems from the past unless it's a total "must" or extremely important and they haven't been able to talk about it yet. They find the right time for them AND their man to talk. Otherwise, Cool Girls live in the present moment

4.   -Cool Girls DON'T try to FORCE a man to talk about his feelings. They know that it will only backfire and he'll think she's being needy and he'll close off

Here's a few of the "cool girl" Dos: 

1.   -Cool girls choose not to complain or talk about things for too long that are not other people's responsibility or impossible for anyone to solve given the current situation

2.   -Cool girls bring funny, positive thoughts and feelings to situations to create an experience that men will want to have again and again

3.   -Cool girls are willing to go with the flow when it comes to social things but make assertions when they have opinions and ideas

4.   -Cool girls have options and things to do that keep them satisfied so they don't feel like they're left out if they're not invited to something (And even if they do, they certainly don't complain about it or even mention it - they FIND something to do that makes them happy.)

5.   -Cool girls prefer that a man makes up his own mind; they don't try to make a man do something

6.   -Cool girls DO know that the way they feel and talk about themselves is how men will feel about them.

So, are YOU a "cool girl?"

Are you the kind of woman that men are "naturally" drawn to and want to be with... for more than just a fling?

And do you get how to say all the right things verbally and non-verbally to let him instantly know that you're the kind of girl he'd like to connect with and fall in love with?

Chris Carter