DOES THE GUY ALWAYS HAVE TO PAY?

DOES THE GUY ALWAYS HAVE TO PAY?

(3 GUYS & A GIRL SOUND OFF)

Adam Says . . .

I have been with my girlfriend for 5 months. During this time, I am paying for most of our meals and activities, with her fronting some of the small stuff. I really don’t mind this arrangement as I am a working individual and she is a student.

The problem comes that she is from an affluent family. Sometimes she orders things, and requests for things that are just a tiny bit outside of my standard of living, although I can still afford it. On top of that – it’s also in her culture to have guys pay for everything. I sometimes feel she doesn’t always have my wallet’s best interest in mind. However, I would like you guys to think she’s naive about it rather than being a gold digger about it.

The question I want to ask you guys and gals out there is – do you expect the man to pay for everything? For how long?

Ricardo Says . . .

Probably opening up a can of worms to a classic debate… but the question popped into my mind again while reading Madame X’s latest posting on the subject at My Open Wallet.

It’s a tough question because it brings up all sorts of issues on equality, feminism, and independence.

Personally, call me old-fashion, but I still have a certain drive to foot the bill when the check comes. My reasoning? It’s mostly because I’m the one begging asking for the night out.

Am I a sucker perfect for targets by “gold diggers?” Probably not, since driving a Honda Civic doesn’t exactly scream baller.  And the fact of the matter is, most people should be able to spot a less than genuine intention.

And this goes both ways too, of course. If you’re the guy and you’re paying the bill for silly reasonings, other than simply wanting to treat someone out, it’ll come across as pretty obvious.

At the end, I also believe that the entire thing can be a moot point as long as both party is on the same page when it comes to the matter.  As long as there aren’t any strange strings attached, it shouldn’t be an issue whether the guy or the girl pays for the bill — first date or not.

What’s your take?

Chris Morran Says…

It's nearly the weekend, which means at least some of you will be going out on dates, a handful of which will be first date. And in spite of all talk of gender equality, many people still think it's the man's job to foot the bill.

Over at TheGloss.com, nearly 61% of their readers have said unequivocally that men should pay for the first date every time. Less than 27% said the bill should be split evenly while not even 5% of respondents said it's okay to let him pay if they intend on "putting out," language which we here at Consumerist most certainly don't condone.

So, of course, we wanted to get a measure of how our readers feel about this age-old topic. And what better way to do that with poll? Sound off in the comments...

Julia Says…

Does your relationship follow the rule that the guy must pay for every outing? While chivalry is definitely important, is paying the check every week at The Yardhouse included in this?

If you answered yes, ask yourself why? The ancient dichotomy between a man and a woman – man make money, woman keep house – is exactly that, ancient.

Today women are just as powerful and successful as men; they simply don’t need anyone to buy their ticket to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part one. They don’t need someone to pay for drinks at Blue Martini every other Friday, and they laugh in the face of any guy that says they have the option to quit their job because he will take care of them.

Choosing to let a guy pay for things however, is quite a different story. The truth is lots of guys enjoy paying. The ability to provide for one’s girlfriend is satisfying, and many men feel like it’s simply their job. Plus, on those first few dates any respectable girl expects a gentleman to handle the bill. The woman has graced the man with her presence for the evening; the least he can do is pay for the couscous. Why break tradition?

After you've passed the "we're dating" phase and you’ve both decided this is the only person you want to walk your dog with, equality must reign. Even though tradition dictates men should always pay for outings, big deal! Independent women who love their partners shun tradition. And the men they've chosen cannot help but admire and respect their girlfriend’s decision to contribute to the relationship.

Even if the boyfriend doesn’t mind always shelling out money for Sunday morning brunches and afternoon lattes, that's fine. This just means the girlfriend is with a gallant and responsible man. However, it seems hard to deem a relationship equal when the girlfriend’s debit card never makes an appearance at the cash register.

Being equal doesn’t mean splitting everything 50/50 or taking tallied turns paying for outings. Since equality is subjective, each couple should find their own balance. And, if you’re both in a relationship you value, you’ll gladly make the effort.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

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