The Damage of Sexual Promiscuity

Giving People the Full Story
Not everyone who has sex gets pregnant. Not everyone who has unprotected sex gets AIDS or other STDs. Yet enough do that we take great lengths to warn people of the potential dangers. Sadly, little has been said of the danger of how pre-marital sex can negatively affect people for the rest of their lives.

The Potential Damage 
Some years ago, while doing some video taping of cranes in the wild from a helicopter, I learned of how these birds “imprint” when they are first born. In other words, whatever creature they first interact with after birth, they assume it is their mother, even if it is a human. I immediately thought of what first-time sex does to a man. This overwhelming new experience IMPRINTS on him and he connects the context with the experience. Those who have their first sexual experience outside of marriage imprint on the lust of illicit sex – those who have their first sexual experience in the context of marriage imprint on the girl.

Consider scenario A:

Boy gets girl to let him fondle her in the back seat of a car. Soon he is undressing her. His heart is pounding as it becomes clear that she will allow him to have sex with her. The windows are steamed, he is now in a major hurry (lest she changes her mind or someone catches them). He experiences an adrenalin rush not unlike a thief experiences when he first steals or a thrill seeker gets when jumping from an airplane. He then enters her body and experiences his first sexual experience with a woman.

This incredible experience leaves a major “imprint” on him. Now (possibly for the rest of his life) he is likely to view sex in the context of “lust” and “naughtiness”. This is the man who will constantly be pushing his wife to try some outrageous new behavior, take sexual risks or constantly role-play – all in an attempt of re-living that experience that has had such a profound impact on his psyche. This is the guy who wants to “do it” in the elevator or in the backyard or in some semi-public place. This is the guy who needs his wife to pretend she is a cheerleader or a naughty nurse before he can get excited as he tries to re-create his sexual imprinting. He is not really interested in the girl; he is interested in the sex.

Now consider scenario B:

A man falls in love with a woman and asks her to marry him. His friends approve, his family approves, his co-workers approve. They all join in a concerted effort to make the event a success – planning, showers, and parties. They all come together in one gigantic effort to celebrate their approval of what he has chosen. They now gather in the presence of God, under the approval of his minister. They commit themselves before God and are then off for what will arguably be the biggest party of his life.

Then, with the joyous approval of every person important in his life, he takes his bride to their honeymoon suite and for the first time in his life – without the rush or fear of a back-seat encounter – he experiences the most wonderful sensation of his life as he enters his bride’s body and reaches his sexual peak.

He now ties EVERYTHING I just mentioned to that one girl – all the approval of his family, friends and coworkers, the church, the celebration, and most importantly, the incredible sensation he has just felt. All these elements join together and he IMPRINTS on the girl, for it is because of her and only her that he has just experienced the most wonderful day of his life.

Many would argue that this wedding day scenario would have the same effect with a guy who had already been having sex, but they would be wrong. NOTHING impacts a man like his first sexual experience.

If a man has his first sex outside of marriage, what he imprints on is the SEX – indeed, it becomes as if any woman willing to have sex with him would suffice. Many of these men later turn to illicit affairs or porn, fantasies and masturbation in a pathetic attempt to re-visit the experience to which they have forever imprinted upon. Women who marry such men can sense this and try desperately to get their man to focus solely on them. Sadly, it is a battle that most will lose. On the other hand, when a man has his first sexual experience in the context of marriage, he imprints on the GIRL, for she is the sole reason for his incredible experiences. Indeed, these men tend to marry once for life.

When I was growing up, boys were told to marry a virgin because the other girls were “damaged goods”. It very well may turn out, however, that it is the girls who should be careful to marry a virgin because it is sexually experienced men who can become the most “damaged”.

What about the girl…

The answer, of course, is that a woman also receives a great deal of damage from being sexually promiscuous, and her damage is both psychological and physiological. First the psychological damage:

When a woman experiences sex without commitment, she soon learns (falsely) that sex means little to nothing. Why? Because nothing happens as a result: no meaningful relationship ensues – he may never even call her or talk to her again. She has inaccurately learned that sex and commitment are two completely separate issues, which they are not. That is why so many married woman view sex as an unimportant side issue in marriage, when it is, in fact, a key and central issue to a successful marriage. God’s original plan was to use sex as the path to commitment. But because of promiscuity, she no longer views sex as a path to her husband’s commitment. On the contrary, she begins to demand that commitment BEFORE sex is granted, something he is not wired to do. The result is a relationship that struggles to succeed.

As for the physiological damage, science shows us that when a woman has sex with a man, a chemical called oxytocin is released into her system. Oxytocin is a neuro-peptide most commonly associated with pregnancy and breast-feeding. It seems to act as a human superglue and helps a woman bond with her infant. This chemical also helps a woman bond with her lover during sex. New scientific studies, however, suggest that if a woman has multiple sexual partners, this will lower her levels of oxytocin which in turn can inhibit her ability to bond to her husband. According to an article by Drs. John Diggs and Eric Keroack, “People who have misused their sexual faculty and become bonded to multiple persons will diminish the power of oxytocin to maintain a permanent bond with an individual.” 

It is like taking a piece of strong packing tape and applying it to a box. Leave it alone, and it will hold that box together for decades and decades. Take it off and re-apply it and, well… it just doesn’t hold as well anymore. Keep taking it off and applying it a taking it off and applying it and… I think you get the idea. This is what can happen to a woman who has multiple sex partners.

The Boys are the Biggest Losers

Even though a woman also can suffer negative consequences from promiscuity, I believe that men can have the most to lose. Why? Because a sexually promiscuous woman, despite lowered levels of oxytocin and a less than positive attitude toward sex in general, still is internally wired to WANT to connect with her husband. Indeed, that desire is so strong, it causes her to fight through many of the negative side affects of her previous sexual experiences. A man, however, has no such natural “wiring”. If he fails to properly “imprint” and bond to the wife of his youth, he may spend the rest of his life in a disconnected state from her – indeed, from any woman. What he may do is attempt to re-connect with what he had imprinted on so many years earlier and foolishly turn to porn, affairs, lust, etc… All which can have severe negative consequences to his marriage.

Overcoming Sexual Damage

The degree of sexual damage people receive largely depends on the degree to which people become sexually involved before marriage, particularly if there are numerous sexual partners. It also can vary from person to person. For some who have had just a few consensual experiences, they may seem to carry little residual effects; while for others, even just one consensual experience can cause them to struggle later in their marriage. You can imagine the result if a person’s sexual experiences were not consensual as in rape or incest – it is likely that much more damage will have occurred.

The question now is: can a person who has been damaged have a meaningful sex life? Thankfully, the answer is yes, any person can have a wonderful sex life, but it will more likely come easier to those who waited until marriage. Those who did not may find they will have to work at it a lot harder.

Here’s an analogy I like to use: there are people who can seemingly eat anything they want and never gain any weight. Then there are those who allow themselves the slightest indulgence and they will gain a couple of pounds! What is the difference? One has a very different metabolism from the other.

So it is true with those who did not wait till marriage for sex – their “sexual metabolism” may be very different from those who did wait. Evidence shows that couples who wait until marriage report more satisfying sex lives than those who do not wait. And since sex is so important to the bonding of the couple, this is why couples who marry as virgins have a much lower divorce rate than those who did not wait. A couple whose only sexual experience has been with each other is much more likely to experience a natural “bonding” whereas those who have been promiscuous may find they will need to be much more intentional and deliberate in their approach to sex in order to bond.

Be Transformed

In the New Testament, the Apostle Paul gave us some very powerful advice that can help us overcome the negative effects of sexual damage.

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

 – Romans 12:2

So here we have the answer to the big question “How can I make things different?” The answer is “Change the way you think!” Quit thinking in the destructive patterns of our lust-driven culture and be transformed. Transformed not by special prayer or through being anointed by holy oil or holy water or by being touched by some holy preacher, but by the renewing of your mind. In other words, you need to change the way you think! You need to re-program the way you think about sex.

If you have imprinted on lust and find yourself constantly thinking in that way when you have sex with your spouse, you need to STOP it. Refuse to allow your thoughts to drift off to a “lust” context when having sex with your wife. You need to re-imprint on the girl you are married to. You need to key off of her and her alone.

May you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
A loving doe, a graceful deer–
may her breasts satisfy you always,
may you ever be captivated by her love.
- Proverbs 5:18 & 19

You may find, however, that re-training the way you think can be extremely difficult. You may even find that your sexual performance may get worse initially as you refuse to think those lustful thoughts that drove your erections in the past. But if you persevere, you will find your sexual energy will come roaring back and without the need for dirty thoughts that take you back to your early sexual encounters. You will find that your wife will be all you need in order for you to be sexually fulfilled. And you will find that the sex you experience without lust is multiple times more fun, exciting, and fulfilling than the kind of sex you try to re-play in your mind.

And as for you women who have falsely learned that “sex doesn’t mean anything”, you too must renew your minds. You need to change the way you think about sex. Sex is the key to a man’s heart and you need to view it that way. You need to go out of your way to notice the small ways your sexual interaction with your husband energizes and motivates him to want to connect with you in ways that are not sexual.

But do not kid yourselves – renewing your minds may prove to be one of the most difficult things you have ever undertaken. Ask God for his help and make a definitive decision that you will no longer live under the lies of your lust-driven past and that you will be transformed by thinking differently! Trust me when I tell you that the payoff is amazing and worth the effort.

In Conclusion
Outside of marriage, men tend to imprint on the lustiness of “naughty” sex. A man may try to re-live that in his marriage by fantasizing about other women while making love to his wife or by trying to guilt his wife into performing sexually in ways that she is not comfortable with, or by ignoring his wife altogether as he masturbates in a pathetic attempt to re-create his lustful fantasies. It would be better, however, for that man to stop trying to re-live his previous sexual experiences and force himself to intentionally focus on his wife, think about her, actually be with her, and not attempt to recreate the sexual exploits of his youth.

Outside of marriage, women tend to come away with an attitude that “sex doesn’t mean anything” when, if fact, it can mean everything when it comes to her husband truly bonding with her. She must now be much more deliberate in her approach to sex, having to continually remind herself that sex is a vital component for her marriage to thrive.

Can they have great sex now? Yes! But it may not come as easily to them if they had waited. And the greater the damage, the more effort it may take for the couple. (Boy, if anybody should warn their children about the negative possibilities of pre-marital sex it should be those who have experienced it first hand!)

Virtually anyone can still experience a wonderful sex life, but let’s stop pretending that sex before marriage is “no big deal” and start telling people the truth – for two reasons: 1) so that our kids can avoid the problem in the first place and 2) so those who have been negatively affected can learn how they can still succeed by changing the way they think about sex.

Always remember, God is not a prude. He does not tell us to avoid sexual promiscuity because he is somehow embarrassed about sex. He just knows how we are wired and wants us to experience the very best.

Mark Gungor

Oral Sex in Marriage

Time and again I am asked questions about what is permissible or allowed in the marital bed.  I generally assume that people are asking the question because one spouse thinks that a certain activity is great and really wants to engage in the particular thing, while the other one is reticent, uncomfortable or flat out doesn’t want to. Often what most people want to know is what the bible says about oral sex.  So for all of those who wonder if it’s okay, I will offer my opinion. Remember, this is what I think and you, your spouse, your grandma, Dr. Phil, or other marriage speakers and books—both Christian and secular—probably have a variety of answers to the question.

Let me start off by staying that the very important underlying premise of any discussion on sex is that husbands and wives are to be lovers to each other. That means you are to love the other person, consider him or her in your actions and do what you can to make your sexual relationship safe, secure and pleasurable. If both people are comfortable with and mutually desire something, then it’s on the table. If one doesn’t, it’s off.  I’m not sure what part of forcing, coercing and pressuring your mate to do something they don’t like fits into being a lover.

Now, as for oral sex, there are people who claim that certain scriptures from the book of Song of Solomon speak about it. I am not certain whether they do or don’t, much of that book is written in very analogous, flowery and poetic language. What I can say with certainty is that I’m sure God wasn’t surprised by it. I can’t imagine that it never occurred to him when he created the first man and woman, gave them the garden to live in and the freedom to have a sexual relationship.  Surely He didn’t look at them and think, “Oh, My Self!  I didn’t think they’d do that!”

That being said, and also qualifying that this must be a mutually agreed upon activity, I want to put down some parameters. First, I don’t think oral sex should be in place of regular, normal, vaginal sex.  If you want to engage in it as foreplay, knock yourselves out.  Scientific studies have shown the greatest orgasms—those that have the most potent release of hormones and endorphins and the most powerful and lasting physical effects—are not from oral sex, anal sex, or masturbating, but from regular vaginal sex.  If you are fully capable of regular sexual intercourse, but consistently use other things to replace it, you are missing out on the best of part of sex.

What I have trouble with is people who think that oral sex (or anal sex, masturbation, fantasy and all sorts of other things) is the best sex. A word of chastisement here, especially for guys—it’s not just about what someone is doing to you that matters.  Unfortunately, many men don’t get this because they have had their minds polluted through pornography that is all about what the woman does to the man and how she services him.  Often men want their wives to perform oral sex because it’s what they see in porn images in magazines, movies and on the internet and think that it’s really great sex. It may be for him if he’s getting what he think he wants, but not too fabulous for his wife.  So how is that making love to her, being a lover to the woman, and mutually satisfying?

Another reason that so many men prefer oral sex over the actual act of vaginal sex with their wives is due to the imprinting they received during their first sexual experiences.  I’ve written previously about the power of imprinting and how men learn to key off their initial encounters. So if a young man’s first experience is lust-filled oral sex with a woman, he incorrectly learns that’s what sex is. He will imprint on that particular type of sexual experience and it will be what he desires and thinks he needs for sex to be exciting. A man will continually want to relive that which he was so aroused by at the beginning.

Many couples make the mistake before they are married of doing “everything but intercourse”. What they fail to understand is that they are sexually imprinting on this kind of activity. Then once they are married when they can and should be having intercourse, frequently the guy is still drawn to those initial experiences and would rather have his wife perform oral sex because that is what he is keying off. And , Lord have mercy, in this day and age in our culture where oral sex is the equivalent of a hand shake and teens and young adults don’t really qualify it as “real sex”, it is bound to have a huge impact on the future sex lives of these people.

Let me address those of you who need to supplement and do other things like oral or manual stimulation to reach orgasm. Some people just can’t get there through vaginal intercourse and I get that.  Often the problem is that people have trained their bodies through masturbation so they won’t respond to anything else. I challenge you to work at this and give it your best effort toretrain your body to sexual intercourse. Guys, stop the yanking on yourself and asking for oral sex. (It gives more pressure so guys frequently want that since it’s closer to the sensation created by masturbating.)  Give your body a chance to learn to respond to the softness, touch and pressure of your wife’s vagina.  It can be a bit difficult and frustrating at first, but also a lot of fun to relearn sex with your mate! Wives who masturbate, you need to knock it off too and allow your body to become responsive to your husband.  Even if you were in to self-gratification in the past but have stopped for a while, it can take some time and effort for your body to adapt to other kinds of stimulation.

Another very important thing to consider is that men truly need to resurrect the art of being a lover to women.  Learn how to touch your wife, what pace and pressure she needs. With a little effort, patience, and guidance from the lady, most guys can figure out how to arouse her.  But, at the end of the day, there will be people that oral sex is the only option to get to “the promised land”; or maybe for medical or physical reasons they just can’t perform the act of intercourse, and that’s fine to supplement when necessary. You can still have a great time and enjoy a fulfilling sexual relationship with your spouse and you shouldn’t feel badly for going to an alternate method.

So as a fun, playful, part of sex, and under mutual agreement—not to be the standard staple of your sexual diet unless it is necessary—oral sex can have its place. Unfortunately for many people, and for all the wrong reasons, it has become the centerpiece of their sexual repertoire, replacing regular intercourse, and often only satisfying to one partner.  In my opinion, that’s a far cry from what the sexual relationship should be in a marriage.

The 2011 Ladies Man & Sex Symbol: Ted Williams

Ted Williams: The 2011 Ladies Man & Sex Symbol

The media found the feel-good story of the homeless man irresistible, but did they go overboard in trying to tell his tale? Some ladies want him just so they can be part of the spot light...

In mid-October, a homeless man was standing at the intersection of Hudson Street and Interstate 71 in Columbus, Ohio. A sign around his neck proclaimed that he had a "gift of voice" and had "fallen on hard times."

The man was spotted by a videographer for the Columbus Dispatch who conducted a couple of brief interviews, gave him a few bucks, and finally posted the video on the newspaper's website on Jan. 3. In less than two days, the homeless man, Ted Williams, was lifted from panhandling obscurity to YouTube sensation thanks to a 97-second clip that showcased his astonishingly resonant voice.

And within just days after that, Williams became a post-holiday, feel-good tale of redemption as the 53-year-old man made the rounds on the networks' early morning shows and, later, on daytime programs like "Dr. Phil." Well wishes and job offers tumbled in as organizations and companies lined up to extend a hand to the golden-voiced homeless man.

But, less than two months later, Williams' flash of national celebrity has dimmed. The relentless news cycle has largely moved on from Williams, but not before revealing a criminal record that included theft and forgery, drug and alcohol addictions, and his failure to care for nine children. Today, he is living in a halfway house in Los Angeles and said he is shopping a reality series.

"We like the idea that someone who threw it all away is now finding redemption," said Aaron Brown, a former anchor atCNN who is now a professor of journalism at Arizona State University. "The fact that he did nothing to earn it and probably cannot stand the pressure of it is totally irrelevant to the people telling the story … that is a different story."

The explosion of attention that once engulfed him has left even Williams trying to understand why he was singled out for instant acclaim. "I have no idea," said Williams in a recent interview at a West Hollywood malt shop where he was promoting a new, original milkshake, a mix of Oreo cookies, bananas, strawberries, vanilla ice cream and whipped cream. "I was just a homeless person who had a beautiful voice I guess."

Williams' odyssey to short-lived national fame really began on Jan. 5 when he did a satellite interview for CBS' "The Early Show." The very next day he was flown to New York by NBCand given a coveted spot on the couch with "Today" co-hostsMatt Lauer and Meredith Vieira. There was even an embarrassing tug of war between CBS and NBC over who had dibs to a joint-interview with Williams and his 92-year-old mother, Julia.

"There's a lot of cutthroat in this business," said Williams who once had a radio career, but lost it to substance abuseproblems.

That same week Williams did voice-over work for Kraft Macaroni & Cheese and the cable news channel MSNBC, which explained, "Williams' remarkable story of overcoming difficult circumstances and turning his life around embodies the very same American ideals" that the network's `Lean Forward' "campaign seeks to highlight." Williams also introduced the guests on NBC's "Late Night With Jimmy Fallon."

Also eager to hire Williams were the Cleveland Cavaliers and the NFL. "We loved his voice, we loved his story," exclaimed Tracey Marek, the senior vice president of marketing for the Cleveland Cavaliers basketball team. Even Oprah Winfrey got in the act, telling "Inside Edition" that it would be "fantastic to hear him say, 'The Oprah Winfrey Network.' "

Although coverage of Williams didn't ignore how he came to end up on the streets, the media's desire to play up the heartening elements of the story certainly led them to downplay its less inspiring aspects. On NBC's "Today," neither Lauer nor Vieira pressed Williams on why he was still homeless if he'd really been sober for two years as he claimed. Vieira even joked that one day perhaps she'd be working for Williams.

It was a similar story on ABC's "Good Morning America." Williams would talk about his recovery without any details about what — besides holding a sign on the side of the road — he'd been doing to seek work. Co-host Robin Roberts enthused to Williams, "We appreciate all that you've done."

Often the hosts asked Williams to perform, something which he seemed only too happy to oblige. "Ted, just read something," "Early Show" co-anchor Chris Wragge asked Williams on the Jan. 5 program.

"Everybody was treating him as a pet or science experiment," said daytime television personality Wendy Williams, in an interview. One of the few TV personalities who was not gushing over the Ted Williams story, she questioned the media's obsession with him and told her audience, "I give it a year before he messes this up."

It seemed the toughest questions about Williams came from his own mother, who asked her panhandling son on NBC's "Today" how he could "get so low to do a thing like that." He responded that his mother, "didn't seem to feel as bad about theft as she did about me holding that sign."

The producers of "Today" and CBS' "Early Show" defended their decisions to give Williams so much airplay. "It became the kind of thing that was water cooler talk everywhere," said Jim Bell, executive producer of "Today." As for whether "Today" glossed over Williams' past to create more a Horatio Alger-type story, Bell said "the premise that Ted Williams is going to live happily ever after is far from a foregone conclusion."

Added David Friedman, an "Early Show" executive producer: "It looked like it was a fairy tale … that was the angle we were most interested in." (He noted that the network did go back and update the story with details of the more sordid elements of Williams' story.)

Just a little over a month after making national news, Williams said he has permanently relocated to Los Angeles and — when not still making appearances — trying to focus on his sobriety. Meanwhile, MSNBC yanked its ad featuring Williams, the Cavaliers are taking a wait-and-see attitude, and Kraft has no plans for future spots. Williams and his manager Al Battle say there are talks of a reality show and other things in the works including starting a charity dedicated to giving people second chances.

"We're looking for an invitation to the White House," Williams cracked.

Turn a Hoe into a Housewife. Today!

Turn a Hoe into a Housewife. Today!

“You can’t turn a hoe into a housewife!”

That’s what they say yet everyday a hoe someplace is getting wifed, taking your place on his arm while you stay mad, talking mess. Let’s explore why you got passed up for that hoe in the first place…

Good Girls everywhere wonder why their man left them to wife a hoe and the next thing she says through her tears is, “ALL men are dogs!”  Well, that’s exactly it…it’s the dog in men that will make them chase and cuff bitches all the while knowing these women arehoes! Men have a strong desire to fuck the bitch all the men are fucking…example Kat Stacks. You looking at these words funny asking yourself why would a man want to fuck a bitch that EVERYONE has fucked or is fucking? They want to hit because everyone else IS hitting and talking about it after…hoes bring out the dog in men…looking for that next nut.

Something about that hoe pussy has to be so incredibly good or why else would other men keep spreading the word? Dudes will often risk what they have at home to fuck a known tramp and when she breaks the wrong dude off too good…it triggers something else in him…something much deeper in him awakes making him want to wrap this girl up and make her all his. Into the phone booth your old dude goes to switch from Kent to Captain Save a Hoe. Yes, he knows about all the dicks she’s sucked but he doesn’t care because she gives him everything he wants and his love can make her change her ways…he cansave her…it’s in his nature. Your ex is about to walk down the aisle with the hoe because he loves her. ::cues Too Short’s, “I Know You Love Her”::

How can a man love a woman who is promiscuous? Easily. She knows how to give him everything that he wants…everything you won’t give him. You’re still mad though and quoting Too Short, talking about the hoe can’t stay naked. Well, you’re right she can’t stay naked but for the right man she can reform and become all his. The hoe retires, settles into life with her husband who makes her very happy, has a baby or two and that’s exactly how the hoe who sucked mad dicks before she met your father became your mother. What?!? Some of our mothers couldn’t have been hoes before they became mothers? PLEASE! Men are out there fucking everyday they have to be fucking somebody’s future mother.

Which brings me to a point that I was reminded after I saw a tweet from @shutupndkissmeh.

She tweeted, “They say you can’t turn a hoe into a housewife but some of you guys be cuffin hoes …if you don’t know a female its not like she’s just gonna come out and say she’s a hoe,” which sparked a short twitter convo between us. I asked her, “So, do u think a hoe can become a good housewife? Or are hoes broken women?” @shutupndkissmehresponded, “Anyone can change if they meet the right person so I believe they can become housewives.”

Clap for this intelligent woman please. In two tweets she gives us two truths:

1. That Good Girl you love so much might not be a good girl after all. I have spent the last sixteen years giving my girlfriends this little morsel of truth, “It’s okay to be a hoejust don’t be a dirty hoe!” What I mean by that is that people, mainly women, will dog out other women who are open about enjoying their sexuality all the while knowing they themselves or their own friends which they are talking that mess to get run through just as much if not more than the hoe! When I hear a woman speaking poorly of another woman’s sexuality I give her the side-eye and I wonder when a bone will fly out her mouth because I know she’s got to be hiding some. So…yes, that Good Girl might just be very good at hiding her past.
2. People can change! Once a hoe doesn’t equal always a hoe. If that theory were true then please don’t even get married folks because we all know most men get to freely celebrate the hoe in them without remorse and little judgment from others. So, if you really think that a hoe can’t become a housewife then a player can’t become the King of castle either! Yet, we all know people do change…everyday…we all are changing doing better today than we did yesterday. Promiscuous Patty might enjoy the flavors in college then decide to stop when she finds a man she can see herself with for the rest of her life. Just like Player Paul could decide he’s had enough of chasing after new pussy because he finally understands that no matter how shiny new pussy is the real value is in old pussy.

So, to the ladies at the salon who were talking about men don’t appreciate good women anymore because they stay cuffing hoes I say this…just because she’s a hoe doesn’t mean she can’t be a good woman to a good man! Besides the definition of what makes a woman a hoe is a very subjective one…and nowhere in anyone’s definition of what a hoe is have I ever heard them say…a hoe is a bad woman! And yes, I know a hoe is a garden tool and that some people spell it ho’ and others ho but with all the hoes I said in this post imagine all the knowledge I’ll spread to those googling in search of a true hoe aka a garden tool. ::side-eyes all of y’all::

What do y’all think? Can a hoe become a housewife? What is the lure of hoes? Why do we crucify women for being hoes aka being promiscuous but celebrate men for doing the same? These are the questions I leave y’all with…please comment and let’s discuss…the sooner we talk about the issues the sooner we can solve them.

The Scent of a Woman and . . .

The Scent of a Woman and . . .

How men perceive the scent of a fertile woman depends on whether they're in a relationship or not, reports the New York Times. It's well-known that bachelors find women at the fertile peak of the menstrual cycle sexy. Scientists have now found, however, that men in relationships rate women at that stage less attractive than at other times. Scientists think this may be a deeply embedded evolutionary mechanism aimed at preserving the integrity of long-term relationships. "To avoid being enticed to stray," writes the NYT, "they apparently told themselves she wasn't all that hot anyway." What could be the benefits of such an arrangement? Scientists think it might help couples stick it out long enough to raise kids. Women, on the other hand, are more inclined to promiscuity during their fertile period. "Women who are in steady relationships with men who are not very sexually attractive—those who lack the human equivalent of the peacock's tail—suddenly start to notice other men and flirt," said one of the scientists involved in the study. "They are also more critical of their steady partners and feel less 'one' with them on those few days before ovulation." Guys need not worry, however, women don't actually want to leave the warm embrace of coupledom. "They just want to look around at other men and consider them as alternative sex partners," said Dr. Haselton.

Were You Cheated on this Weekend? How to Detect Lies

How to Detect Lies

Become a Lie Detector

Warning: sometimes ignorance is bliss; after gaining this knowledge, you may be hurt when it is obvious that someone is lying to you.

Introduction to Detecting Lies:

The following techniques to telling if someone is lying are often used by police, forensic psychologists, and security experts. This knowledge is also useful for managers, employers, and for anyone to use in everyday situations where telling the truth from a lie can help prevent you from being a victim of fraud/scams and other deceptions.

Signs of Deception:

Body Language of Lies:

• Physical expression will be limited and stiff, with few arm and hand movements. Hand, arm and leg movement are toward their own body the liar takes up less space.

• A person who is lying to you will avoid making eye contact.

• Hands touching their face, throat & mouth. Touching or scratching the nose or behind their ear.Not likely to touch his chest/heart with an open hand.

Emotional Gestures & Contradiction

• Timing and duration of emotional gestures and emotions are off a normal pace. The display of emotion is delayed, stays longer it would naturally, then stops suddenly.

• Timing is off between emotions gestures/expressions and words. Example: Someone says "I love it!" when receiving a gift, and then smile after making that statement, rather then at the same time the statement is made.

• Gestures/expressions don’t match the verbal statement, such as frowning when saying “I love you.”

• Expressions are limited to mouth movements when someone is faking emotions (like happy, surprised, sad, awe, )instead of the whole face. For example; when someone smiles naturally their whole face is involved: jaw/cheek movement, eyes and forehead push down, etc.

Also see our article on micro expressions & lying.

 

Interactions and Reactions

• A guilty person gets defensive. An innocent person will often go on the offensive.

• A liar is uncomfortable facing his questioner/accuser and may turn his head or body away.

• A liar might unconsciously place objects (book, coffee cup, etc.) between themselves and you.

Verbal Context and Content

• A liar will use your words to make answer a question. When asked, “Did you eat the last cookie?” The liar answers, “No, I did not eat the last cookie.”

•A statement with a contraction is more likely to be truthful: “ I didn't do it” instead of “I did not do it”

• Liars sometimes avoid "lying" by not making direct statements. They imply answers instead of denying something directly.

• The guilty person may speak more than natural, adding unnecessary details to convince you... they are not comfortable with silence or pauses in the conversation.

• A liar may leave out pronouns and speak in a monotonous tone. When a truthful statement is made the pronoun is emphasized as much or more than the rest of the words in a statement.

• Words may be garbled and spoken softly, and syntax and grammar may be off. In other
words, his sentences will likely be muddled rather than emphasized.

• The use of distancing language. 

• If you believe someone is lying, then change subject of a conversation quickly, a liar follows along willingly and becomes more relaxed. The guilty wants the subject changed; an innocent person may be confused by the sudden change in topics and will want to back to the previous subject.

• Using humor or sarcasm to avoid a subject.

Final Notes:

Obviously, just because someone exhibits one or more of these signs does not make them a liar. The above behaviors should be compared to a persons base (normal) behavior whenever possible.

Most lie detecting experts agree that a combination of body language and other cues must be used to make an educated guess on whether someone is telling the truth or a lie. 

Further Reading:

Lying Resources, Books & Links | 

Eye Movement and Lying
How to tell if someone is lying based
on the movements of their eyes.

Body Language and Flirting 
Learn how men and women use
non-verbal communication in courtship.

Body Language Info & Resources
Need more info on nonverbal communication? Check out our guide.