By Dina Z. Colada
This issue of Graffiti is supposed to be about football, among other things. Hmm, I really don’t know much about sports, at all. Seriously, I know of them, but I’ve never really been into them. My friend Ed said “I knew there was something wrong with you.” He nailed it.
I did go to my friends’ daughter’s lacrosse game last year, but not just to watch the match. I thought it would be a great place to watch for men. I did spy a few there, but the stands weren’t overflowing with them. Maybe I’ll reconsider this sports thing, but I’ll try out some different venues.
It seems like most guys are into sports. Maybe high school girls lacrosse doesn’t have top priority in the sports-minded men. Maybe I should dig a little deeper and attend some other sporting events. How about Pee Wee Football? Or a Little League game. I’m sure those stands have some cute single dads. Or what about college basketball, football or soccer? I’m getting warmer, and I don’t think girls softball games will be top priority on my list.
Well, dating is a sport. And as far as I’m concerned, it’s a contact sport, and a good one at that. So, I guess I am into sports. And I have found my favorite: dating. Dating can be as competitive as baseball, and when you don’t know the other team’s moves, it makes it that much more exciting. When you’re playing the dating game, things can be fun, get messy, physical, maybe even sweaty. There is also a possibility that you might get hurt.
But the desire to play with the opposite sex is stronger than getting tickets to a Pirates game, at least for me. Most women I know aren’t that into sports. So what is it about guys and sports? Maybe the catch phrase “He dribbles! He shoots! He scores!” has something to do with it.
Certainly, guys appreciate some competition, but not with the girl. When the girl is competitive, the guy thinks you are not on his team, and he’ll start to play against you. But if he’s playing against outside opponents, he’ll put on his best game face, fight off other players, and if he wins the girl, he gets loads of points.
But, if a girl plays games or uses strategies, the umpire in the guys head will scream “Steeeerike one!” If she complains or makes him wrong, the ump screams “Streeeeeike two!” If she doesn’t appreciate him, he screams even louder “Streeeeeerike 3 — she’s outta here!” Game over. There will be no overtime and certainly no playoffs. You won’t even get to wear your new uniform with tall stripey baseball socks. And the only replay you’re gonna get, will be the one in your head saying what did I do wrong?
So when that game is over, it’s time to look for a new team to play with, and there are plenty of other players. But don’t let the new team see all of your best moves in the first game. You’ve gotta leave the team hungry for the next game. Let him wonder what it’s like to hit a home run after he reaches first base.
In the dating game, you might get some bumps and bruises, but please don’t tackle anyone or get too defensive. Be brave, and learn to laugh when you fumble or completely miss the basket. When you think you don’t have a chance of winning, get out there anyway, and learn to play ball. And if the ball is in your court, learn how to throw it back. If you think your team doesn’t have the skills, or isn’t good enough to get at least a few points, you’ve gotta practice even more. And if you really need help you can hire an experienced coach.
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