Monday, June 6, 2011

Her Friends: Get Past Them

Her Friends: Get Past ThemBy Rachel Khona

What You Need To Know Don't get distracted by her other hot friends; focus only on her.
Remember when men held doors open for women? Neither does she. Be a gentleman.
Do not be too opinionated in the first encounter; it will rub everyone the wrong way.
"Women are programmed to fend off potential suitors, weeding out the good ones from the bad."

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You know how it is. You’re out with your buddies and you spot a cute girl at the bar, but she's surrounded by 10 of her friends, all ready to protect her and cockblock you. Women are programmed to fend off potential suitors, weeding out the good ones from the bad. Her friends are not going to make it easy for you. But if you impress them, you’re in. So how does a guy like you get past her friends? Read on and find out.

Read the group’s body language

Pay attention to their body language, because this is key. If a group of girls is huddled in deep conversation, do not interrupt. Clearly they are discussing something that is important to them and, most likely, do not want to be bothered by a random guy. Make like a panther, and watch your prey. Wait for the conversation to flow into something less intense. You’ll notice a relaxation in their body language, and you can use that moment to get past her friends. Better yet, look for a group of women that actually look like they’re having fun. A good cue would be women standing outward instead of toward each other, or a group of women laughing. They’ll be more apt to let you in on the conversation, and chances are you’ll enjoy their company a lot more.

Flirt with her only

Do not under any circumstances try flirting with more than one girl. Maybe you’re trying to hedge your bets with the second in command in case the girl in question doesn’t respond. Maybe you’re just trying to appear cool. Whatever reasons you may have, it’s the wrong move. Don’t check out her friends or say something like, “Your friend is pretty cute too.” You know that Rihanna song “Only Girl (In The World)”? Make her feel like one if you want to get past her friends. Otherwise you’ll turn dream girl off, and her friends will just think you’re a player. And when you try to ask her for her number, chances are you’ll get shot down.

Be friendly

On the flip side, don’t ignore her friends altogether. Being able to talk to everyone at the table shows that you’re comfortable talking to women platonically. This is doubly important if she’s with only one other friend. If she's with a group, it’s a different scenario. But if she’s with only one girl, she won’t want to ditch or ignore her. Women often follow the rule “chicks before dicks.” Plus, you want her friends to like you, so keep charming them; just don’t take it too far. Make nice with her friends, and you’ll come across as natural and sociable rather than as a predator.

Treat her like a lady

Once you’ve established a good rapport with the group, ask her if she would like a drink (and make sure you pay for her). If she gets up to go to the ladies’ room, hold her chair or barstool out for her when she comes back. Help her put on her coat if you guys go outside for a smoke. Old-fashioned chivalry is rare, and it will impress the women in spades. Soon enough, you’ll have them all singing your praises. No matter how egalitarian we become in the workplace, in society, in relationships, or anywhere else, a woman still wants to be treated like a lady. Doing any or all of the above shows that you value her and (after you buy that drink) that you’re anything but cheap.

Remain confident

This is one of the oldest axioms in the book, but it’s still just as effective. Most people, women included, can smell insecurity and desperation like the stench on bad cheese. Do not allow yourself to be intimidated just because the girl in question is superhot. Believe it or not, what’s going on inside your head (consciously and subconsciously) comes out in everything you do, so building confidence in the moment is critical to getting past her friends. You show people how to treat you through your behavior. If you start acting nervous and jittery around her, her friends will start rolling their eyes and giggling, and you’ll be a goner before you’ve said five sentences. Nobody wants to see their friend with a “mangina.” They want her to be with a man. If you respect yourself and think you’re a great guy, she and her friends will too.

Don't be showy

Save the braggadocio for your bros. Her friends do not want to hear about your latest merger, your car, your house, and your latest vacation all night long (unless you’re trying to pick up gold diggers). You’ll make yourself seem like an insecure, pathetic bore. Obviously you do want to talk a little bit about yourself, but not to the point of self-obsession. Everyone likes talking about themselves, so use that to your advantage. Since you’re trying to get her friends on your side, make a point of asking them (and her) about themselves. They’ll think you’re caring and sensitive. And perfect for their friend.

Don't argue

You may have been on the debate team, but this is not the time to impress her friends with your oration skills. Being passionate is usually a good thing, but not when it makes other people feel uncomfortable, disrespected or foolish. If you keep trying to push your point of view down everyone’s throat, you’ll just come across as a giant a-hole. If a charged topic comes up in the conversation, put in your two cents, but do it calmly and respect what everyone else has to say. Everyone has the right to his or her opinions, so until you and dream girl have been dating for a while, keep from stirring the pot.

get out the way

Bottom line, women like being approached and talking to men. If you keep getting rejected, it’s most likely because of poor hygiene issues or because you’re trying too hard. Keep your cool, remain confident and natural, and you’ll have a much better shot at meeting that girl.

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