BY DAVID WYGANT
- Better Man in brief ...
- Using the pull-out method will eventually fail.
- If she's pregnant, be honest with yourself: Do you want this child?
- Do not panic if she's pregnant. Talk it through to make the best decision.
"To you, sex with a condom is awful. "Just when you thought adolescence was gone for good and that you were now and forever an adult who gets to enjoy all the benefits of adulthood, something tough and hard-to-handle happens that throws you right back into adolescence.
Adult adolescence refers to the constant process of maturing that can happen at any time in your life -- whether you're an 18-year-old entering the world on your own for the first time, a 25-year-old starting to map out the rest of your life or a divorced 40-year-old who finds himself living the single life again.
For over 11 years, I’ve been giving sex and relationship advice to men all over the country to help them lead more successful lives. I’ve the same stages of adult adolescence in my life that you have. Whether it’s looking forward, backward or at what’s happening in your life right now, hopefully I can offer some guidance by examining the difficult times of transition in our lives.
It Can Happen To YouYou're 31 years old and starting to make some money. Things are looking up in the world. You've also finally figured women out. It's a great feeling to finally have figured out women, isn't it? You're starting to date the women you really like and enjoy. The 20s are over. You're done with that emotional roller coaster. You're the man right now.
So now you've met and started dating this beautiful woman. Things are going great. The sex is hot and passionate. You think you've become a master at birth control. You swear by the pull-outmethod because condoms just don't work for you. You don't like using condoms because you can't feel it -- the warmth and her muscles contracting when she orgasms. To you, sex with a condom is awful.
Now this beautiful woman you're dating is over at your place. You guys think you're in love, and it's fantastic. She has told you over and over again when you're having sex, "Please, pull out. Please, pull out. My sister is very fertile." You say, "No problem. I have complete control."
When you're having sex with a woman, you really want her to orgasm, and you want to feel the contractions when she does. So you're panting and pumping as you feel her getting close. She says, "Baby, I'm about to cum." So you let her cum and you do pull out.
The problem is, there's always just that little itty-bitty bit that might have sneaked in, because in the heat of passion you think the orgasm started when you pulled out -- but it might have started when you were still inside her. You can never be 100% sure.
A couple of weeks later, she comes over, crying. You're thinking to yourself that this is the first emotional breakthrough for her. Well, in a way it is, because what she is about to deliver to you are the two words no man wants to hear.
“I’m Pregnant”They are the two words that will absolutely shatter your existence, whether you want it or not. She looks directly into your eyes and says the two words that make a man's heart go into palpitations, and makes him want to call his doctor the very next day. She tells you, "I'm pregnant."
She's pregnant. What do you do now?
Well you could do what I've done in my life, and panic. Or, you can just man up.
This is one of the biggest decisions of your life, because at this moment you need to look at this woman and think to yourself, "Do I want to spend the rest of my life with this person?"
What do you do if you're 31 and your new girlfriend is pregnant? That's next...
The woman will respect you much more in the long run if you are honest with yourself and with her..."
A Shared DecisionYou’ll need to explore all the options with this pregnancy, depending on your religious and personal beliefs.
The option you want might be to abort, and the option she wants might be to keep the baby. If that is the option she wants, you're going to have to explore other options. If she decides she wants to keep the baby, and you decide you don't want the baby, then you're going to have to decide if you want to be a part of this package or not.
What if she decides she doesn't want to have this child, but you want to have the baby? It's her body, guys, so she gets to decide whether or not she will keep it.
Once a woman gets pregnant, though, she usually goes into mother mode right away. She defends, protects and honors that child. You can say to yourself that it's just a fetus and isn't a person yet, but women don't see it that way because it's in their body.
So she'll protect this child, and you're going to have to make one of the toughest decisions of your adult adolescence. You're going to have to decide if you want to commit to this woman you've been dating for maybe only three or four months.
Stop Panicking And Man UpAt this point in your adult adolescence, you need to not panic. Try to really think things through. If you can't imagine a life with her and you have other things you want to do, then it's not a bad thing to be a father from a distance. It's better to be a from a distance, and give your kid lots of love when you're with them, than to be in a situation that you do not want.
If you wake up every day next to a woman who has a baby you didn't want, you're never going to be able to fake a relationship with her. The minute that kid hollers in the middle of the night, spits up on your brand new shirt or on the backseat of your BMW, you are either going to love it or not.
So, these decisions are huge! My advice? Be 100% honest with yourself and only listen to yourself.
Listen To YourselfOh, believe me, there will be criticisms coming at you from all directions, no matter what decision you make. You'll have some friends who tell you that you have to man up and get married. Other people will tell you that if you decide to be a from a distance, you are the scum of the earth.
The truth, though, is that you only need to answer to yourself. Don't judge yourself. Decide what you are going to do, and then accept it.
Don't say you want to start a family with her if you don't. The woman will respect you much more in the long run if you are honest with yourself and with her, than if you fake something you don't really want with her.
Welcome to one of the toughest times of your adult adolescence.