Monday, January 17, 2011




Adam Says . . .
I have been with my girlfriend for 5 months. During this time, I am paying for most of our meals and activities, with her fronting some of the small stuff. I really don’t mind this arrangement as I am a working individual and she is a student.

The problem comes that she is from an affluent family. Sometimes she orders things, and requests for things that are just a tiny bit outside of my standard of living, although I can still afford it. On top of that – it’s also in her culture to have guys pay for everything. I sometimes feel she doesn’t always have my wallet’s best interest in mind. However, I would like you guys to think she’s naive about it rather than being a gold digger about it.

The question I want to ask you guys and gals out there is – do you expect the man to pay for everything? For how long?

Ricardo Says . . .
Probably opening up a can of worms to a classic debate… but the question popped into my mind again while reading Madame X’s latest posting on the subject at My Open Wallet.
It’s a tough question because it brings up all sorts of issues on equality, feminism, and independence.

Personally, call me old-fashion, but I still have a certain drive to foot the bill when the check comes. My reasoning? It’s mostly because I’m the one begging asking for the night out.
Am I a sucker perfect for targets by “gold diggers?” Probably not, since driving a Honda Civic doesn’t exactly scream baller.  And the fact of the matter is, most people should be able to spot a less than genuine intention.

And this goes both ways too, of course. If you’re the guy and you’re paying the bill for silly reasonings, other than simply wanting to treat someone out, it’ll come across as pretty obvious.

At the end, I also believe that the entire thing can be a moot point as long as both party is on the same page when it comes to the matter.  As long as there aren’t any strange strings attached, it shouldn’t be an issue whether the guy or the girl pays for the bill — first date or not.
What’s your take?

Chris Morran Says…
It's nearly the weekend, which means at least some of you will be going out on dates, a handful of which will be first date. And in spite of all talk of gender equality, many people still think it's the man's job to foot the bill.
Over at, nearly 61% of their readers have said unequivocally that men should pay for the first date every time. Less than 27% said the bill should be split evenly while not even 5% of respondents said it's okay to let him pay if they intend on "putting out," language which we here at Consumerist most certainly don't condone.
So, of course, we wanted to get a measure of how our readers feel about this age-old topic. And what better way to do that with poll? Sound off in the comments...

Julia Says…
Does your relationship follow the rule that the guy must pay for every outing? While chivalry is definitely important, is paying the check every week at The Yardhouse included in this?

If you answered yes, ask yourself why? The ancient dichotomy between a man and a woman – man make money, woman keep house – is exactly that, ancient.

Today women are just as powerful and successful as men; they simply don’t need anyone to buy their ticket to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part one. They don’t need someone to pay for drinks at Blue Martini every other Friday, and they laugh in the face of any guy that says they have the option to quit their job because he will take care of them.

Choosing to let a guy pay for things however, is quite a different story. The truth is lots of guys enjoy paying. The ability to provide for one’s girlfriend is satisfying, and many men feel like it’s simply their job. Plus, on those first few dates any respectable girl expects a gentleman to handle the bill. The woman has graced the man with her presence for the evening; the least he can do is pay for the couscous. Why break tradition?

After you've passed the "we're dating" phase and you’ve both decided this is the only person you want to walk your dog with, equality must reign. Even though tradition dictates men should always pay for outings, big deal! Independent women who love their partners shun tradition. And the men they've chosen cannot help but admire and respect their girlfriend’s decision to contribute to the relationship.

Even if the boyfriend doesn’t mind always shelling out money for Sunday morning brunches and afternoon lattes, that's fine. This just means the girlfriend is with a gallant and responsible man. However, it seems hard to deem a relationship equal when the girlfriend’s debit card never makes an appearance at the cash register.

Being equal doesn’t mean splitting everything 50/50 or taking tallied turns paying for outings. Since equality is subjective, each couple should find their own balance. And, if you’re both in a relationship you value, you’ll gladly make the effort.



  1. Si chico, si eres todo un caballero....I'am old fashion...

  2. no a guy doesnt always have to pay. On a first date, a guy must always pay . However if there is a time where the girl asks to pay, that sense of wanting to pay should never be taken from her.

  3. Hands down guy has to pay at least for the first 3 dates at the very least , remember you are inviting HER out, Now if she takes upon herself to invite and pay before you have a chance then let her , but 90% of the time the guy should pay its not until things become formal and or more serious that if she wants to pay you let her.

  4. For the first few dates, then we can take turns :-)

  5. Not necessarily, is nice sometime to treat your guy for dinner.... I think it works both ways!!!

  6. My boyfriend usually pays but it also makes the night/date better sweeter and longer when a girl pays the check by surprise :) I enjoy each time I can treat my boyfriend from time to time :D

  7. I think who ever initiates the date should cover the cost...I have had someone invite me to go out on a Date or to go to an event...and not have enough to cover expenses...This is embarrassing to both...
    So in the long run who ever Invites/Pays...Till you combine accounts then the Guy is Paying for Life....

  8. I agree a guy should pay the first couple of dates and then who ever invites.

  9. Call me all fashioned, but I think the man needs to pay for the outings while he is courting a woman. At the same time, I believe that both need to do activities and outings that do not require expensive meals to impress anyone. It is important to remember that the whole point of dating is so that both parties talk about important issues such as career, marriage, kids, goals, etc. This could be done while going on a picnic at the park, or going for a walk at the beach and then grabbing some Starbucks or a quick meal at Quizno's or Five Guys Burger.

    I press post by accident and did not finish writing...
    I met my husband while I was going into my 11th grade in high school and he had just graduated. For us life was simple, going to Burger King, McDonald's, etc. was the norm because we did not have money. I love when we first started dating, we would pick up Subway and go for an after-school picnic at the park or a stroll at the beach...ah, those were the days! Of course, there were times that he would take me out to a more expensive restaurant for our time (TGI Friday's)!

    Because we met so young, we had to struggle with money issues very early into our relationship. College students are always counting their pennies so we had to make sure we made decisions about how and on what we were going to spend money. Money was not about impressing one another. It should never be about that!

    I think the older "single" people (men or women) get the more they expect certain things that should not be attached with the experience of finding the one person who makes you feel special and loves you for the things you do right, but also accepts you for the imperfect person that you are (let's face it, no one is perfect)!

    So for all the single people out there, go to inexpensive places, do more picnics at the park, strolls around the beach, and go out for coffee at Starbucks and sit around just talking and getting to know each other. My husband and I still do that to this day.

  10. Its like those coupons, you pay for 9 meals and get the 10th free...

  11. Ditto a gentleman always pays , once the relationship is estabished if on aspecial occasion the womanwants to treat thats great, but it would be a turn off if a man expects you to pay. That would certainly be a last date.....with me ! lol