Friday, May 13, 2011

I Kissed My Boss & I Liked It...

'I kissed my creepy boss and I am terrified my fiancé will find out'
By Aoife x

Q: Hi Aoife, I hope you can help me. It's my boss. I can't stand him: he's such an arrogant egotist and takes credit for everything good that our department achieves and blames everyone else when things go wrong.

He is a pain and no-one likes him, but he gets away with everything because everyone thinks he's brilliant at his job. And he isn't really, it's just that he is good looking and full of himself.

But apart from all that, I am in a real mess because I have been a complete and utter idiot. I have gone and done something stupid. I was really drunk after work last Friday (I'm on a diet, so no food) and I went a bit far with him in the pub. We snogged until I got a bit of sense and pulled away.

I know, I know, I am such a cliché. He didn't even care either way, he was just all smarmy and smug about it. It was awful, so embarrassing and now I can't stand even looking at him.

Coming into work on Monday was terrible. I nearly didn't make it, but I knew it would be worse to put it off. I was afraid everyone would be talking about me.

He hasn't said anything to me straight out, but keeps hinting and is being kind of sly. I am worried about what he is going to do next, it's like he has a horrible hold on me.

I don't know what I was thinking. What is worse, he knows that I am engaged and my boyfriend works in another department. I am terrified that he will find out.

There are so many gossips here and I don't know what I'm going to do, my boyfriend would be so angry if he knew. It would be a nightmare. What do you think my boss is going to do next and what should I do? I can't go on much longer like this. Can you help me?

Roberta, Co Dublin

A: You're telling me your boss is a bit of a creep and a pain in the neck, but you find him attractive, snogged him, and are feeling like a bit of a fool.

Is that it? Oh, and you are engaged and would rather your fiancé didn't find out, though you all work for the same company.

Great. It's a bit messy, but it could be worse. You've walked yourself into this one, and while I am not overly sympathetic, Roberta, you don't need me to tell you how silly you have been so let's go from here.

The most insightful thing you said was that you weren't thinking on that night, and it's true. These things happen and we are all human, however you must know that you shouldn't have got yourself into this position in the first place?

So far, your colleagues don't seem to be picking up on any of your boss's comments, and the longer you ignore them, the better. You seem to work for a large organisation, so now is a good time to visit your HR department to see if a transfer is possible in the future.

What you are finding embarrassing now may well go away in a few weeks, or it may escalate and become unbearable further down the line. Act now and give yourself some choices, should this happen.

The fact that the man is overbearing and treats his staff unprofessionally could be a valid complaint, but it is not your complaint now, Roberta, and my advice is to let it go and move on.

It has to be said though, that there is an element of 'the lady doth protest too much' about all this, meaning that you are a little too insistent about how much you hate him. We all know that attraction can be hidden under a cloak of dislike and you need to come clean with yourself.

If you fancy him, you really are in trouble, so don't be the last to know! A little innuendo and embarrassment you can live with, a full-blown office affair would be far messier.

Which brings me to your fiancé. It's odd that you don't seem guilty about what happened. Shouldn't you be concerned that your fiancé would be hurt if he found out? Not to mention devastated and heartbroken?

Sometimes, we act out of character when we feel we are being pushed into something; it is possible that you are simply not ready for the commitment of marriage.

Ask yourself the question. Long and painful engagements can lead to long and painful break-ups. Be good!

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