Sunday, May 15, 2011

Online Dating: Pros and Cons

Online Dating: Pros and Cons
Honesty is the best policy.

While it’s common knowledge that a large percentage of profiles on dating websites contain embellishments, misinformation, or outright deception, it’s primarily the use of old or doctored photos that cause the most anger, frustration and disillusionment.
It behooves me why anyone would want to be dishonest in the first place. Isn’t the goal to meet someone who “loves you just the way you are?”How can that happen unless you reveal yourself “just the way you are?” 
I’ve never understood the rationale behind trying to be an apple when you’re an orange.  Doesn’t it make more sense to ‘call a spade a spade’ and ‘lay all your cards on the table?’
That doesn’t mean telling all right away, although it’s important to get nonnegotiable details out in the open, e.g. smoking, drinking, marriage, children, pets, health, or religious issues. 
Even if you did manage to pull the wool over someone’s eyes, the truth will come out sooner than later, weakening the trust essential for a flourishing lifelong partnership.
While the consensus is that 95% lie, nearly all agree cyber dating is worth it for the 5% that don’t. They believe the odds of meeting someone new are superior to waiting for a chance encounter, being fixed up, crossing paths on the job, or pursuing hobbies/interests.
It’s the dream and possibilities that keep most returning to this system, especially  in LA, where there aren’t a lot of centrally located places to go, or if you don’t enjoy the bar scene.
Once college ends, the opportunities to find quantities of singles necessary to discover quality are quite limited.
Another common complaint is that a majority of those online aren’t really interested in or emotionally available for a long term relationship.  They’re ‘serial browsers’ instead of ‘serious daters.’  
They imagine they’re ready, but when it comes down to the wire, walls are immediately constructed. Before ever getting together, endless excuses are made for the unfeasibility of a union.
Then why continue going from website to website ad infinitum?
The answer is that many online daters spend 24/7 at their computers. That’s all they have.  That’s all they do. They’re self employed, working from home, rarely spending time with peers.
They’re attracted to the intrigue, the mystery of the unknown. They don’t want their bubble burst by turning fantasy into reality.
Others are simply shy with little or no social skills, faring better when expressing themselves from a distance. In public, they may be the wallflower yet in cyberspace, they experience complete confidence with members of the opposite sex.
Many will reveal intimate and delicate matters effortlessly online, yet feel overwhelmed and intimidated in person.
Since you can’t tell what someone’s like from a photo, profile, email, or phone call, cutting to the chase and arranging a rendezvous ASAP is the only way to form an accurate impression.   
Not only is physical chemistry crucial but personality, demeanor, and how they handle themselves is vital.
Are they kind, generous, relaxed, confident? How do they treat others? How do they deal with difficult feelings?
Turn off your computer, show up solo, or invite your favorite "prospects," and join me tomorrow, Monday May 16 for pleasurable human contact at the Oyster House, where A list jazz players, Adam Cohen-bass, Pete Christlieb-saxophone, Andy Langham-piano, Gerry Brown-drums will perform from 10p-1a. Arrive early for fantastic food. Kitchen closes at 10 p.m. You might even make the acquaintance of your soul mate from across a crowded room.
Singles Slogan for Today: I’m willing to venture out of my comfort zone this week and create a few moments of face to face, not Facebook time.

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