Thursday, December 2, 2010



Whilly Bermudez-  Host / Commentator

Envy is a serious thing, so serious that I must lay out some background before the meat and potatoes. So today I may have to sound a bit cocky in order to deliver my point, but fuck it- its necessary. However, my claims are factual and can be verified through the higher majority of public opinion. Every since I could remember, as a small child I was a romantic. As we say in Spanish “Un Enamorado”.  Always drawn to a pretty face and easily motivated to engage in a conversation. I figured out that I had ‘something’ that was appealing to the opposite sex. I don’t think I was or am an incredible looking guy, a model type, or any of that stuff. I think am an averagely good looking guy. It may be charisma, a little charm, and a little luck. Whatever the reasons, I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I have never had a difficult time gaining interest from the ladies. (insert wink here)

Even though that a significant part of my childhood existed in poverty (because of the divorce of my parents). In the 80’s I grew up in a gang infested area of Little Havana. We lived in a 1 bedroom 2nd floor apartment. We shared a mattress for the first few years before my mother could find better paying jobs & the civility between her and my dad could improve. She always did the absolute best for my younger brother and myself. In fact, she worked so hard to provide that I don’t think that the kids at school realized how poor we were because we would wear brand name clothing sometimes (gifts, imitations, etc). Sometimes we were able to wear a cool Halloween costumes. But it didn’t matter, some had already created an idea in their head of who I was or who I wasn’t. I found it very difficult to have a lot of male friends. Only the brave 1 or 2 that wanted to take the time to know me are the ones that would later become my closest friends or as we always used to say “my best friends”.

Since those days to sort of even these days – it’s like a song. Someone tells me that a certain lady is interested in me, but in the same sentence some guy doesn’t like me. When I ask why that certain guy doesn’t like me – the answer is “I don’t know. I just don’t”.  Now, let me be clear about something too. I am selective of who I call a friend and selective of who I surround myself with. “Show me your friends and I’ll tell you Who you are” – I strongly believe that. But that’s for another topic.  I have always been friendly and courteous with everyone but I’m not that type to let just anyone in- If that is perceived as vain or something like that, I can’t help it.

As the years went on I stumbled upon things and projects that dealt with the public –in one capacity or another. It was plain to see that among my peers I was pretty well known and that would increase. Even my closest friend today (Marcos V) didn’t initially like me. Someone we both knew had told him many untruthful negative things about me. By the time we actually met me in person, he had already developed his own preconceived ideas about who I was. As we hung out one night at the old club oxygen in the grove, he figured out that what he had been told and the person were two completely different things. Eventually, we became close like brothers, still till this day. He will tell you that the reason why he was told all those negative things was for one reason and one reason alone: ENVY   

Envy is a serious thing. It has many tentacles: Greed, Insecurity, Self loathing, or just Unhappiness. It can be one or all of those. Envy is also called invidiousness and it’s an emotion that occurs when a person lacks someone else’s perceived super quality, achievement, or possessions. It’s a desire that makes you wish that they didn’t have it but that YOU did. Now, that’s the dictionary definition but I believe it’s much more. I believe that it’s a real negative energy that manifests itself to disrupt positives vibes and stunt your growth as a person.

As kids, those of us that come from Hispanic households have always been told to be careful of “El Mal De Ojo”: The Evil Eye, envious thoughts, or the negative thoughts that others can inflict upon us. It is believed that envy or an extreme dislike can materialize to cause injury or bad luck. I don’t know how much or how little of Superstition I’m willing to buy into.  I only know that Envy is real and way too many people fall into it. 

In my case particular case, it’s with other males. However, women seem to be especially prone to the most harmful effects envy can bring about. Women tend to me much more judgmental about clothes, hair, job etc. This is clearly on display when interactions between women are observed. Women fight amongst themselves over who is prettier, married to the best man, has children who are the most gifted, or owns the nicest things. There are harsh verbal exchanges even between friends when one friend enjoys success the other has not achieved. Friendships that seemed strong may fizzle over such a happy time as an engagement or a new baby’s birth. Envy has the potential to run so deeply in some women that no meaningful connections and relationships can be shared between a particular woman and others, including a woman’s own daughters (Yup I’ve seen it).

In today’s modern cultural Rap stars don’t call it ‘Envy’, they call it being a ‘Hater’. You can hear it in most songs because they’ve experienced it and continue to. However, little do most of us realize that Envy is far more serious and self defeating. Envy is even one of the deadly sins. I see so many people make Gods out of celebrities and you can see it in their bulging eyes. They make it point to make long lines for a photo, an autograph, to be in background of a photo, to make it in that vip section. Listen, the reason I’m not a ‘star chaser’ is because I’m too busy trying to erect my own legacy. I’m too busy trying to make it myself that I cannot afford to marvel at someone that has already made it. However, I don’t envy I admire and I admit it. Credit should be given where credit is due. 

Lately, I see a lot of pretty girls with what can be considered ugly dudes (Mismatches). Instead of leaning towards the envy part, I actually think to myself “Damn, you’re one lucky dude. You landed that very sexy piece. You got a face only a mother could love but you still got it done. God Bless you brother! “And with that I move on. I find the positive which is there is hope for human kind. It’s not all about looks and I’m happy to see it.

I have to close this out because I have meetings today. The message is: Work hard for your dreams, set your goals, and execute. Everyone is not ever going to like you. That’s impossible. Be humble and help others when they may need you. Don't judge others so harshly and believe things you have heard. Take the time to know them and reach your own verdict. Those that envy you today and speaking badly of you are the same people that will be outside in the line waiting to see you perform. Whether they like it or not, they are already Your Fan.

Remember what Paulo Coelho says "Haters are confused admirers who can't understand why so many love you // Los que te embidian son admiradores secretos que no entienden por que tantos te quieren."

Don't Hate. It doesn't look good on you.   :)

-Whilly Bermudez

1 comment:

  1. Nice read and a great message and perspective. I fall back on my Alan Watts perspectives, that everyone wants to love and when it is repressecd it comes out in negative fashion. Envy or anything like it sucks... in the context of "sucking:" but also actually verbally sucking the goodness and life and good energy out of everyone it touches. The more of us who seek to stand on higher ground the better the world will be....