Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Identity Theft or Maintaining your True Identity in a Relationship?

How important is maintaining your true identity in a relationship?

Miss La Rosa - Host / Commentator

Many times when shopping at the supermarket or perhaps at the mall, I see a couple together.  Truth of the matter is the gentleman has a face like he's bored and was obligated at gun point to be there against his will. I say Free him! I've also seen this when a girl swears she loves football just to hang out with her partner and suddenly she pulls out a nail file and starts filing her nails in the middle of a touchdown.  How many times do we go on a date and the first topic of discussion is what we expect from our future significant partner?  This makes it easy for the person listening to those rules and regulations to just “PLAY THE ROLE.”

Playing the role to please another is not only living behind a mask but also making ourselves uncomfortable just to please another human being’s expectations.  I have seen couples living like this for many years.  In front of their wife or husband they are playing the role expected and behind their partner’s back, they can finally breathe and be themselves. Question is who are we in love with? Jekyll or Hyde?

In my opinion, one of the most important aspects of a relationship is maintaining our true identity. Identity can be easily lost because when we have a partner.  We feel we must change many aspects of our life because “now we are in a relationship” OR my boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't like that.  Then years pass us by and reality hits.  The role player realizes he/she has never been happy and the other feels he/she was a victim of a masquerade party.

I believe that loving someone is setting their soul free to be who they truly are.  As partners, we should encourage one another to reach the highest of our possible potential without limiting or interfering with our true selves.  We should not become the obstacle but more the stepping stone of our partner’s ultimate purpose.

 After any breakup it is highly recommended that we take some time off to be able to know ourselves again and know where we stand.  It is well known that at this time we are in a vulnerable stage and anything seems better than what we just had.  If we don't know who we truly are, we won't know what we're truly looking for.       

Love, trust and friendship are the greatest foundation for all relationships.  How can we obtain that if we think that relationships require us to play a certain “role.”  My father always said “Be true to Yourself.”

I close with this one of my favorite quotes:
“I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I'm not.” Kurt Cobain

What do you think?   

Thank you for reading,

Miss La Rosa


Whilly Bermudez - Host / Commentator

Miss La Rosa,

This was a good and interesting post.  I do believe that people should just be who they are… always. Unfortunately, the times we are living in have produced many character flaws in people.  Just “being you” doesn’t actually mean it is a good thing for the other person.  This is why the other person deserves a fair opportunity to see or recognize what the person in question is all about, what they stand for.

I do agree that people bring their ‘representative’ and not their true self to the party.  Actually, let’s be real about this.  I think all of us are on our best behavior at first, and then the pressure of our true selves starts to come to the surface.  As soon as we realize that someone is not for us, we really should let them know and end the progression.  It is only fair.  Lastly, everyone needs to be comfortable in their own skin and not become unhappy being someone different for the sake of another. 

God Bless,



  1. Rocio & Whilly...

    I think that I first really understood this so called "identity theft" concept within relationships once I had the opportunity to see the movie "Eat,Pray,Love". For those who've seen it may relate, to those whom haven't, I highly recommend you do.

    I realized that woman are brought up to be their husband's every wish and desire. Raised as a latina woman I was brought up to be very strong and fearless however Hispanic's upbringing on woman is focused on being great wives one day. You know...knowing how to cook, clean, iron, etc. for your men. However, we hadn't realized that somewhere between trying to be the great "potential" wife, work and day to day challenges we (woman) tend to loose our identity.

    We now become what is ideal for the men, the relationship and society as a whole and forget about ourselves. Granted this doesn't always happen in all relationships and not every woman is the same. I know many many selfish woman, however for the most part woman tend to loose their identity in the process of establishing a stable relationship. Until one day, the day she opens her eyes and realizes that she has been living under someone else's identity.

    The day that she finally chooses to uncover and unveil her real is then too late! The partner is now unable to adapt to the changes which in turn causes the relationship to weaken.

    Suggestion... be yourself from the beginning. Show your men that you love them, be the best that "you" can be and don't ever think that being "yourself" is not enough!

    Love this blog, let's keep it up guys!

  2. I agree with both posts, and in the end, it is very important to be yourself in a relationship, otherwise, who is the other person really "falling in love with?"

    There is an important distinction here, though. One thing is to be fake and pretend to be someone else and the other is to learn to accept and share interests plus make sacrifices for your partner. When this is mutual, it is essential for a relationship.

    Personally, I think I have been myself from day 1, but as I have grown to love my husband, I have also learned to live with soccer games and now I actually enjoy it, meanwhile he now watches Project Runway with me and even provides commentary!

    I think we need to be ourselves in a relationship, but also not be selfish. It's all about communicating our likes or dislikes and reaching a happy medium through compromise and sacrifice... and in the end both parties will be happy. We need to give in order to receive ;-)

  3. All,

    I'll keep this reply short and sweet... Being in a relationship involves a myriad of things including WORK. No long lasting relationship is easy and if a couple is telling you differently, they are lying! Once a relationship is past the honeymoon stage or courtship period- it aint all Casablanca lilies and butterflies...

    It is inevitable that there will be something you dont particularly like or care for in your partner. You cope with it, however, because you are seeing the big picture in a relationship and understand THE GREATER GOOD.

    Example: you may not care for your partners in-laws, but you visit them and act cordially because you know how much he or she loves them; you do this out of that four letter word that starts with "L".

    Yes, be yourself, but also live selflessly and for the sake of your partner and the two of you will live happily ever after.

    Anyway, I'm off to the mall with my girl so we can make back in time time for that football game; shop on girl! Play on boy!

    Just my 2 cents,
    Mr. Lemon

  4. Rocio,
    I love what your expressing here.Be ourselves and love ourselves first. Love it girl! So many people forget themselves in a relationship and become unhappy just to plaese someone else. Whillys response is great too. Whilly's are you single? My sister is single. Rosie, I love your opinion as well. Would love to hang out with you and Rocio. You both seem very confident. Dianne, you are very right but the word sacrafice should be replaced with compromise. Mr.Lemon, you are right about doing things for that four letter word but selflessly means selflessly for both. You assume she'd want you to go to the mall or she'd want to see the football game. My husband and I spend time together but a lot of times I don't feel like going to the in laws and he'll go visit or vise versa. When I go I do go out of love for him and mostly feel comfortable that i'm not being pressured into it just because he feels I should. Then it would be an obligation. who likes that? I don't think he would appreciate an agravated face in front of the in laws. He rather me stay in that day. If I go for his sake then I fall into not being me but being who he pictures me to be. Sometimes I like to go to my sisters house while he's watching the games with his friends and talking guy stuff. we meet up later and have something to talk about. Breathers are very important. He loves me as is and I love him as is. Trust me, we've been married many years and get along great because we respect eachothers space and being a person before being a partner. can't turn those around. Just my opinion.